I am in a strange place, mostly internally, and can exist all day without anyone speaking to me. You might think it my fault, but you don't have a speech disability which makes it hard to even speak my own tongue. Most of the time it is fine, but every so often some emotion burps out me in the form of goosebumps, and desire for recognition, I guess. For instance, I could feel the prayers and wishes when I took these photos. I am not disconnected. Not sure if I create it out of existential validation or just habit of conditioned learned responses from childhood.
Certainly, where I am now, only makes it more pronounced. Going “home” will not make it right, so that is not an option, as long as this where love is. If I at anytime do meditation I can easily relax out of with the real physical awareness that there is no “I” to please. In fact those waves subside quickly, amazingly so, even not being quenched and it all feels like a natural process. If I, in fact, can bring this into daily existence, knowing that I can never really arrange life to suit my emotions…I will arrive totally into my being(or be present). Talking to myself, “Let’s Evolve,” by not needing to bend my day around my emotions….eating, exercising, doing, not doing, ignoring, avoiding, etc. Dive in and examine each emotion as it appears and I think I will be surprised that there is nothing to them, besides natural bodily occurrences.