Worry Hook

Are we hooked on worry? The same worry that allows us to make fools of ourselves when we don’t get our way. I am trying my best not to worry, and low and behold I woke up at 4 in the morning about my latest client’s job. I do want to make sure my work is done while looking at the big picture, but sometimes there are design decisions that are not done by me. These same decisions become my problem when they are not fully thought out. It amazes that architects even with a house remodel just slap something together. Thinking that most people won’t figure out their mistakes, like windows too high to reach when they could have started at chest level up. Or like moldings that go nowhere not knowing where to break a room. But my worry in this case is seeing the whole house done in my mind, which requires it to be on at times I would rather sleep. At least the client was happy, and thought about the same issue as I did at 4 a.m., as well. I guess I should be happy because we are on the same page.

Afternoon Cup of Tea

Working with a client now and she tells me she I make her feel more comfortable than someone else she interviewed. I attribute it being a lot more down to earth after my near death experience. Besides this, I am a lot more humble and work with people instead of telling them what to do. If they are involved throughout a project they become more attached and understanding when I explain my idea. She still is cautious, but I have assured her I will follow through until she is happy, as word of mouth is the best referral. I have also told her that I take my work home with me, and think it through, allowing me to get a better overall view of the project. I am still able to do other things while still keeping her house in my mind. Approaching it like a piece of art, finessing and fine-tuning, just like I am tying to do here with the blog. I am working towards a certain kind of casualness, like an afternoon cup of tea.

I did have a dream last night of getting a job in my old field of advertising in New York. It showed me the excitement, but also the awareness of the work I would have to do. In my dream, after much deliberation I declined the job yet felt honored. I guess I have come to know what I can do and what I can’t do with this brain injury. I tell my new brain-injured clients in my volunteer at the hospital to be more realistic about life and above all have humor with yourself.

No Black Hole Here

I am a realist, and so I was not too surprised when watching a show on PBS called Supernatural Science (Between Life and Death #104)) about near death experiences. They have proven that the feelings described like the tunnel with light at the end, and leaving your body are brain-orchestrated phenomena. I have suspected this even after having experienced it. I left my body and traveled near the ceiling and was traveling down the hall at the hospital when a nurse called me back to my body. It seems that the brain while in anoxia will be shutting down some items like pain while it develops this imaginary way to deal with an extremely difficult and stressful time. So maybe the Buddhist continuum of spirit may not be the parts of you left to seek attachment in a new life, but in fact, those remnants of you already left in your children or family. Your memories, your ideas, and your life force left to them to be accessed long after you are dead. Now, this is of course, my deduction. Take my idea with a grain of salt, but rest assured your brain will at the very minimum, work hard to overcome the stress of dying. So I will die happy, because what I saw was comforting and even warm. Regardless, this last fact follows quite nicely into the Buddhist teaching of rebirth.

Sands of Time

Finishing the book “Guns, Germs, and Steel” which was a three-month process for me, I felt accomplished. Since it first came out, I waited until I could read it. Books with fewer facts and a clear story are easier for my half-speed abilities. Now, I can still read complicated books, but it means no noise or distractions and a lot more time. Ten years ago I would have never been able to read this, so I’ve come far.
Today, I signed some photograph prints I took back in 1988, reminding me of the sands of time. Hoping that they will be discovered in my friend’s estate way after I am gone. I can still remember exactly where and when I took these photos of a mutual friend. Good thing my memory about the emotions, I had at that time, have seriously relaxed. We are all still friends now, twenty years later which is a testimony to our intent back then. I helped my friend after his apartment had nearly burnt down and he needed a place to stay when it was red-tagged. In the process we got closer, and I helped him with a referral to a new apartment a couple of months later. So these photos document our past and point to some consciousness, as well as fun.

Up Early

I may be a little bit tired after getting an early morning phone call from my partner telling me his AMX card was declined. This is even after he has been using it for two years and the balance is 0. I called them earlier in the week and they said it was fine. He asked me to call for him. I had to call them again at 6 am on a Saturday and verify my past addresses for twenty years for them to release his card. No explanation as to why. I did make the best of this so we continued and got caught up, ending our conversation on a happy note.

It has been brought to my attention through the news that China’s products have little or no standards. If a US company like Walmart wants the bid for food or charm bracelets lower they will make it cheaper at whatever the cost. So a few people or pets die ...so what! Charms with lead in them at almost 92 times the maximum set by the CPSC(Consumer Product Safety Commission). At least they got them at a lower cost and can pass it on to the stockholders. USDA is being understaffed just so that food gets imported, and they can say honestly that they missed it. I have also heard of cheap Garlic dumped here at lower prices than it costs to produce in China. This is quietly putting our farmers out of business, and do you think our government will protect you? Or maybe Gay marriage will out scream your pet death. We might be a bit naïve to assign absurd values to threats that are put in place by the same folks that brought us the Iraq war (known on your news politely as “Iraq Conflict”).

Gate of Possibilities

Last night I was treated to a free preview of “No End in Sight”, a film that details the people in charge of letting the Iraq War spiral to where it is today. I always thought the war was a made excuse to grab some power in the Mideast, but there are things that I was totally surprised on. Like the disconnect of the decision makers and the ground, some of them had never been there. I won’t detail it for you as the film opens in August, and it well worth your time to find out how it really got this bad. The people who presented it was The Center for American Progress, a think tank who are trying to be smart about how to effectively get us out of there(http://www.americanprogress.org/). After I was lucky enough to see a neighbor after and invited him for wine and a discussion about the film that we both saw.
I really think we do want an intelligent group involved to undo the horrendous mistakes made there. These, in my mind, resulted in our huge karmic debt to the people who lost their lives there, both American and Iraqies. I am hoping we Americans will feel this guilt, and a gate of concern and responsibility will flood us. It may mean learning more and spending more time involved, but lives are at stake…may in the not too distant future be our own.

Smart People

Well, today we find out that bad loans by banks on houses could eventually lead to over $100 billion in losses. “Smart people” loaned money to those that can’t pay it back, then they were smart enough to sell them again leaving our already bankrupt government holding the bag. Now who exactly loosed these loan restrictions? Meanwhile the borrowers were out shopping with their newfound “wealth,” came home and the house was gone.

So, I am going out berry picking to get in practice for having to live off the land. This will also allow me time to figure out how we can teach young people to be tolerant and make smart choices in life. Perhaps a website that is educationally awesome. I am amazed that having to watch 50’s era filmstrips in my poor school in the 70’s that even I came out O.K. Perhaps it instilled in me a healthy dose of skepticism. Check out P.O.V film, Chances of the World Changing by Eric Daniel Metzgar and Nell Carden Grey.