Signing up for a photoshop class at my local JC was not the brightest idea I ever had. Not only was it overbooked, and I have no computer only because someone changed the schedule to a different set of days. I walked into chaos with a multitude of tests and handouts to a really mixed group of folks….on the second day. It was not my fault, I was given and signed for the class with wrong information. I am very thankful that I meditate because the shear confusion in the huge class was almost too much with my brain injury. I managed to keep calm but after two hours we took a break before the next class where I could drop in to get up to speed, I called my sister. She could immediately tell the toll in took on me by my speech on the phone, we ended quickly and she texted, “it’s is not worth it if it effects your health.” But in the second class it had calmed down enough to talk to a self-taught whiz kid who impressed both me and the teacher.
I thought I will give it one more day, next week and determine if this is right for me. It was clearly a sign of how bad the brain injury is, and how I work around it. Any place where there is too much feedback or crowds I am almost unable to speak….you talk about walking and chewing gum. Well, I cannot walk and talk in most cases, I have to stop and engage. Although, I can do Pali chants while walking, because it is not an exchange with another person. Spontaneous speech is probably the hardest for me, it takes twice the mind power, which is twice as much I have!
sion for the deaf assistant at my gym. He can’t hear or speak much, and we often say hello by recognition and a thumbs up signal. I have brought him his favorite drink when he is busy working on the fitness machines, because I am observant enough. I try to interact with the staff that most ignore. Right now as I lay in bed trying to get better, know this human journey for me is probably not silent just more mindful. I do have the heart felt desire to cut down on my negative speech in whatever forms it takes.
