He said, “You love me like my grandmother,” with his eyes
showing a small gloss of water around the rim, while he laid his head in my
lap. She was not his real grandmother, just a village elder who took him in
when his mother abandoned him soon after his birth. This is probably the
highest compliment I could ever earn and had never appeared until recently. Not
that we did not have love before over these many years, but this one I really
had to earn. My partner lately, instead of commenting on my change, has been doubling up
on saying he loves me just to make sure I know it. The last two months were for me
a bit difficult, and yet provided me unplanned expansion of my consciousness
inwardly(anicca, dukkha, and anatta realized within myself). My changes over the years were really based on the desire to learn
from him, a kind soul, who had evidently had a harder life than I. Fighting the
need constantly to explain all my pains I started the path prompted by his
love. I never quite knew the how it will all transpire. For me it took sitting down
with myself over many years, seeing how I think and learning to love myself. I
have had long-term relationships in the past, but always seemed to be looking
outside of myself for solutions for my happiness. Tired of lining things up to secure happiness. And I learned that no one could ever live in another’s shoes.
It is true that there is never really a relationship with
another person, it is more about your relationship to yourself. The other my
prompt good or bad feelings your mind brings up, but they aren’t really
responsible for how you feel. That is your clue to let go, and love them
exactly as they are. Over the years I had to let go of my ideas of best to
proceed with his education and just support him. Lately, he took on a research
project for money, undercharging the other students who were his clients. I had
to just let him do it, and sit back enduring his late hours and missed time
doing things together. Throwing
out ideas of how it should be was my lesson allowing him more freedom to live
his life. Several wisdom things
the last few months have come to him at his rate, and not by me telling him
what to do when, with apologies sprouting forth. Today’s payoff came naturally
with the spontaneity of the moment. My partner was told a few years in Singapore where he meant my brother who said that I am much happier since two of us met. That unprompted confirmation by an independent source was a treat for him and also bond him with my family.
He said, “You love me like my grandmother,” with his eyes
showing a small gloss of water around the rim, while he laid his head in my
lap. She was not his real grandmother, just a village elder who took him in
when his mother abandoned him soon after his birth. This is probably the
highest compliment I could ever earn and had never appeared until recently. Not
that we did not have love before over these many years, but this one I really
had to earn. My partner lately, instead of commenting on my change, has been doubling up
on saying he loves me just to make sure I know it. The last two months were for me
a bit difficult, and yet provided me unplanned expansion of my consciousness
inwardly(anicca, dukkha, and anatta realized within myself). My changes over the years were really based on the desire to learn
from him, a kind soul, who had evidently had a harder life than I. Fighting the
need constantly to explain all my pains I started the path prompted by his
love. I never quite knew the how it will all transpire. For me it took sitting down
with myself over many years, seeing how I think and learning to love myself. I
have had long-term relationships in the past, but always seemed to be looking
outside of myself for solutions for my happiness. Tired of lining things up to secure happiness. And I learned that no one could ever live in another’s shoes.
It is true that there is never really a relationship with
another person, it is more about your relationship to yourself. The other my
prompt good or bad feelings your mind brings up, but they aren’t really
responsible for how you feel. That is your clue to let go, and love them
exactly as they are. Over the years I had to let go of my ideas of best to
proceed with his education and just support him. Lately, he took on a research
project for money, undercharging the other students who were his clients. I had
to just let him do it, and sit back enduring his late hours and missed time
doing things together. Throwing
out ideas of how it should be was my lesson allowing him more freedom to live
his life. Several wisdom things
the last few months have come to him at his rate, and not by me telling him
what to do when, with apologies sprouting forth. Today’s payoff came naturally
with the spontaneity of the moment. My partner was told a few years in Singapore where he meant my brother who said that I am much happier since two of us met. That unprompted confirmation by an independent source was a treat for him and also bond him with my family.
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