The Insect Rave — This Dance Will Break Your Arrogance

This Mooji clip about wisdom corresponds with a recent acknowledgement of where I am at this moment. Knowing that anytime I can totally relax any expectations, I am directly rewarded with even more closeness with my partner. It is not spoken, but is real tangible expression of the freedom he feels when I relax. He can now “bug me” and is met with playful fun instead of the seriousness I carried around in the past. A recent weekend course with Mozart Brain Lab refreshes the work I did 4 years ago, and produced more calm. I am still sitting two hours per day to prevent build up of unresolved feelings, dreams and of course... any anger, too.

The Funny Thing About Love

My partner took a long afternoon nap, and I know the pressure from work and the idea that his life will change dramatically because on Friday we spent a long filling out forms for his interview for a Visa. I worked around it, even joining him for an hour of it. I took off to do errands, and he offered to drive me, and I said. “I don't mind taking public transportation, you just nap.”
  
It took me a long time to learn this, but when I finally my partner be himself and do what he wants and when, the love blossoms naturally and freely. Of course one might say that we have matured in our relationship, but I surely had to let go of my desires, and just trust him fully. I have said in the past that if he or for the matter me, did anything wrong it would have never been done purposely to hurt the other. In reviewing my past actions, I could easily say that in times of personal insecurity, I would pressure him to fill my vacuum. No one likes to be forced into action that is not naturally in his or her way of expression. My wisdom in this came out of meditation exploring feelings as they appear in my body. Some people might read into this a kind of subjugation of one to another, but this is a maturation of a relationship that works dynamically and naturally. It also helps that he is responsible and honest to others not only me.

Yesterday, I needed to go acupuncture, and he was resisting letting me go, as we doing errands, even though we could easily meet later. I did not push it, knowing I am not dying by not going. It settled in his mind, and he could see I was in a bit of pain and so he naturally went with me with no complaints. Things have their own momentum. I offered to pay for him to try it for pain he had from running instead of insisting coming from the need to for him to learn about it. Surprise to me he followed in to the table beside me, where in the past he would say it would say it something crazy I do. The funny thing about love, you have to get the “me” out of the way. Boy, the payoff is great, I keep getting more and more displays of his love naturally. Even verbal appreciation for things I did in the past flow naturally from him. I continue to tell him how lucky I am and his reply, “We are both lucky.” 

At Any Given Moment

Why not let it come and go without a trace? Personal history is dead weight.

–Ajahn Succito, Rude Awakenings

I am playing with this one, barely pulled the camera out in 10 days(this is the first shot), and spend more time watching my mind react to things I like and don’t like. This has actually made me lighter and happier. We went running in the park, and it started to rain and I thought this would help cool me down. Wondering at the light through the rain drops, it became an asset instead of a liability. When I suggested that my partner’s too deep sit-ups might cause back injury, he just dismissed it as "his play, while I play yoga." Instead of standing ground to prove I am right, I just thought about the fact that most likely I will be dead when the proof will become known. Later, when I had hiccups… his suggestion to stop all that I am doing while showing me by making a stone face, made me burst out in laughter. It made our evening rest in laughter about each other. Just what do we hold so dearly to that we can release at any given moment?

Learn from Natural Sources

Recently, I have witnessed two people in my life who have let go of something significant in their life. Visually they appear happier and more at ease, and it does not seem to be simple short term happiness. I now feel I have concrete examples, of what it looks like, and their good feelings rub off on me. Hopefully, I will start to realize my ego’s strong hold on my happiness. The inability to see things as the really are, and not to fight them. That will be my key with which to open my own door.

One person who seemed to have let go of something… was one of the Nuns, after she returned from a retreat. I even told her of lightness of being is a great teaching by example. She thanked me for noticing, yet I said, "I do not need to know what it is that you let go of." It is apparent here and now.

The other person is my seeker friend who only has a backpack and a true determination to be on this path. At times, he questions whether he should pursue only this path or get back in the rat race. Over the past year I have watched him, with the help of meditation, become happier and happier. I tell him that it is quite obvious that your path has brought many rewards, so lay your questions to rest. I look forward to the next time I see him, as he always has new sources for his inspiration. My introduction to Nisaragadatta was from him.

I am trying to not “become” them, for I cannot do that. I am me with my own set of karma awakenings, but I can certainly use them for inspiration of what is possible, right now.

Something prevents you from seeing that there is nothing you need. Find it out and see its falseness. It is like having swallowed some poison and suffering from unquenchable craving for water. Instead of drinking beyond all measure, why not eliminate the poison and be free of this burning thirst? The sense "I am a person in time and space" is the poison. In a way, time itself is the poison. In time all things come to an end and new are born, to be devoured in their turn. Do not identify yourself with time, do not ask anxiously "what next, what next?" Step out of time and see it devour the world. Say: "Well, it is in the nature of time to put an end to everything. Let it be. It does not concern me. I am not combustible, nor do I need to collect fuel."

— Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

The Things We Lose

I have lost a few loves in my life, lost most of my retirement during the dot com crash, and lost my health and ability with my brain injury. Some things comes and go, like my health returned somewhat, with determination. Now it is apparent to me that this is natural part of life, and to stay on the path of wisdom, you have to roll with life’s punches and learn lessons...sometimes twice. Most certainly as you age you lose more and more abilities, so that by the time you retire you are just about shot! Every insurance companies and the federal government are not betting on your side. So, the path of wisdom is to prepare yourself mentally and this doesn’t mean digging your heels deeper and grabbing on tighter. In this losing process, you don’t have to lose your cool by learning to let go of one’s attachments to things. It is very much an ongoing lesson, so that when death comes, you will be that much more prepared and may even be able to slip into meditation as you pass.

Losing things does not have to be traumatic, it took a couple of days of coming to this conclusion when I lost money, to say, “Money is money, and money is not me!” And, I came to this 10 years ago proving I was on the road earlier than I thought. Perhaps, I knew deep down after surviving my near death that I am much more than the external things that seem to rule our lives. So this path is rediscovering the essence of who you really are. Looking around at what you have in your house that will soon be in someone else’s home or the trash, will help you know instinctually that you are not what you have, regardless of what advertising tells us. And whenever you feel a bit lost, or a bit sad go right outside of yourself and talk to a neighbor, friend or your partner and offer help, because the one thing you never lose is your kindness and connection with others. Your origination was from the kindness of your mother, because if she did not take care of you, you would not be reading this. So we started with kindness, and hopefully we end this fast trip with kindness for our self and others.

Buddhist-Ease

I have been waiting for the right idea to expand upon, sorry if I seem to have dropped off. My spider story got some negative feedback like, “Are you bored or have nothing to say?” But you have to give your friends credit when they make you think or push you. Today, I meditated on one of the Lamrim about death and impermanence. If one comes to realization that nothing exists in the same form and everyone will experience death. Overtime, it will bring a more present awareness of life and our place in it. It will ease us out of the thinking that grasping onto things outside of ourself as being a firm constant that once obtained the happiness will flow. I have nicknamed this as “Buddhease.” Finding the awareness and reflection we get with meditation and dhamma that I have seen a distinct lightening of character. And gradually letting go of always wanting it to be my way. I am by no means perfect, but at least by now when I say of do something inappropriate, just know that I reflect on most every action, and make a clear intention to change next time. I have noticed how I now look at things in my house and outside, with a clear knowledge that they are aging like me. It is a definite new way of thinking but becomes obvious once you experience the fact(in meditation) that we have a tendency or trying to hold on and preserve something that is constantly changing all the way down to the cell level….our me! If you get far enough along in meditation you can do object meditation trying to find the “I” that is you that you so fiercely cling to. You will find that your “I” is a mental concept only. This may sound weird in copy, but whether or not you experience this you still can benefit from meditation, if only to calm your busy mind down. This will allow you at least to look at how you deal with life.