06 January, 2008

Diving Out of the Hospital

I am still fighting bronchitis I got at the Vipassana and now I am convinced I am aspirating at night. This will make it nearly impossible to heal unless I get some powerful anti-biotics, because the one I am taking is not doing it. Meanwhile I am light-headed and today after seeing the film "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly", I nearly fell down while walking down stairs. I am losing my balance with the congestion and even though taking a decongestant it just doesn’t seem to be working. I have been wanting to see that film since I heard it was being made, as it, in some ways parallels my life. The big difference is I was able to far surpass my original diagnosis of not being able to ever walk, talk, eat or communicate. I was far luckier than he(Bauby) was, and my brain stem injury healed way quicker than anyone imagined. I do have to thank those around me. My Mom saving from a tracheotomy, and my brother being smart enough to get me paper and a pencil and later a walkman. I remember with no voice, full of tubes and eager young MD’s coming into the room and saving they just have to do this one small cut and it will heal and can be reversed. I was shocked, because I thought the trama was over with the damn stomach tube which was no piece of cake. Back to the film, it is interesting how the human body/mind can compensate if you just let go of outcome. He slowly enjoys the subtle beauty of life seen through one eye, and communicates his rebirth through a book about it dictated to his secretary. There are some great moments that remind me of my own hospitalization, and the awkwardness of other people trying to talk down to you. His memory and imagination bloom when he finally accepts his fate. Allowing him to imagine what he wants, sometimes a great meal, in near perfect play like reality. I almost forgot my 6 months of drooling until I saw this film reminding me of my dignity being compromised way back then. I remember a Dr. chastising me for drooling all through the neuro rehab, so I just hoppled out the door outside. I laid myself outside in the sunny grass, listening to Meshell Ndegeocello wondering into dream space in a nap escaping my hospital confinement. Go see this film, because it really heralds what is good about life, before the hospital staff finds you.

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