30 September, 2010

Full Moon Rising

After taking two nuns to speak at a very cute Quaker House in San Jose, I felt the love that was inside the building. I don’t know if it was from the members we were present last night or from the residuals from the building. But it gave me a good feeling to mediate there. It was also nice to see people talk to the nuns after their dhamma talk, conveying interest. I really think the monastics are an important part of learning the dhamma. For without them you cannot see how far understanding your mind can go. It is not necessary to go as far, but you can at least have deep appreciation for the clarity they can provide lay people.

This is only proves a full moon was rising....I was in the gym going to yoga, walked in and put my mat down in the exercise room, and walked out into the main room to do ab work, which I finished and walked back to sit down on my mat to meditate. Two minutes into it, a woman walked up to me, and put her purse down. I looked at her, and she pulled up the leg of her pants and accused me of causing a bump on her leg. I don’t what she is talking about or where that was supposed to have happened??? Realizing that she is someone I have seen and figured out that she is not too well, I think to myself, “why do I deserve this?” She makes a comment about me having a cell phone, and I say it is allowed. She walks away, and I think, should I go complain to the management? I settled in meditation, but agitated. Yoga starts and I am motioned to leave to talk to the management. The man is apologetic, and asks me some questions related to her accusations. I tell him I think she is crazy, and he replies paranoid schizophrenic. I tell him why does this happen to me? Because, I have a schizophrenic sister? Oh, well. I go back into class and less than 10 minutes, the yoga teacher, taps me to look outside the glass and I see a policeman standing with the manager motioning me to leave class. I walk out calmly. They both apologize and understand this is someone we have to deal with when healthcare is so poor and non-existent. I answer any questions they have about the situation and what contact I had with her. Then I leave and finish my yoga class. The teacher, who I like, asks me, “Is everything all right?” I tell her about what happened and about having a schizophrenic sister. I figured out that she fixated on the light yellow t-shirt I was wearing saying, “GOOD VIBES” and that is was exactly the same color as her pants. The teacher and another friend from class sat and talked about her pregnancy and life and it all passed. They did not kick her out and she continued on the exercise machine as that would solve nothing with a schizophrenic.

21 September, 2010

Undertow, Courage to Love

Love sometimes gives us courage to be ourselves
....and may take a ghost to do so!

19 September, 2010

Learn from Natural Sources

Recently, I have witnessed two people in my life who have let go of something significant in their life. Visually they appear happier and more at ease, and it does not seem to be simple short term happiness. I now feel I have concrete examples, of what it looks like, and their good feelings rub off on me. Hopefully, I will start to realize my ego’s strong hold on my happiness. The inability to see things as the really are, and not to fight them. That will be my key with which to open my own door.

One person who seemed to have let go of something… was one of the Nuns, after she returned from a retreat. I even told her of lightness of being is a great teaching by example. She thanked me for noticing, yet I said, "I do not need to know what it is that you let go of." It is apparent here and now.

The other person is my seeker friend who only has a backpack and a true determination to be on this path. At times, he questions whether he should pursue only this path or get back in the rat race. Over the past year I have watched him, with the help of meditation, become happier and happier. I tell him that it is quite obvious that your path has brought many rewards, so lay your questions to rest. I look forward to the next time I see him, as he always has new sources for his inspiration. My introduction to Nisaragadatta was from him.

I am trying to not “become” them, for I cannot do that. I am me with my own set of karma awakenings, but I can certainly use them for inspiration of what is possible, right now.

Something prevents you from seeing that there is nothing you need. Find it out and see its falseness. It is like having swallowed some poison and suffering from unquenchable craving for water. Instead of drinking beyond all measure, why not eliminate the poison and be free of this burning thirst? The sense "I am a person in time and space" is the poison. In a way, time itself is the poison. In time all things come to an end and new are born, to be devoured in their turn. Do not identify yourself with time, do not ask anxiously "what next, what next?" Step out of time and see it devour the world. Say: "Well, it is in the nature of time to put an end to everything. Let it be. It does not concern me. I am not combustible, nor do I need to collect fuel."

— Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

15 September, 2010

For Billy Lucas

From someone who managed to keep it together with daily "fag" taunts in school. I am sorry this was too much and help was not there when you needed it. Billy Lucas dead at 15, please send prayers for his parents. Thanks to Jason Chu for his honesty and help with "It Gets Better."


08 September, 2010

Blog or Meditate?

After taking a weekend off the computer and phone, I have come to ponder the high value of this path. Should I sell my home purely on the basis that the more time I meditate and work dhamma's understanding of life I am happier? I am spending a lot of time fixing and paying for things on my house. When my seeker friend, who has virtually nothing, is in town I get excited when I can see how meditation and devotion to his path is making him happier and lighter. I know for myself this is true but to witness this in my friend and others only points to make life simpler. Am I trying to live life by what I "should do," vs the truth of what I have experienced?
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