When Dhamma is not Entertainment

When I first jumped off the complaining bus, and arrived at a local buddhist temple, I was captivated by the real job-holding dhamma teacher. It was a welcome change to hear something that before this time was all preconceived ideas. This dhamma teacher was normal, had kids and a wife and all the other assorted problems attached. How could I, as a single person(at that time), not get some great examples of where dhamma fits in daily life? Laughing while learning, being at first entertained. He led me and the sangha in meditation, then using simple analogy to weave dhamma and life's stuff that always seem to be directed at you. A quick intro, I won the pot 'o gold with a medical malpractice brain injury from a Dr. that exhausted his insurance, unbeknownst to me...leaving me disabled and dealing with questionable lawyers for 4 years.

Back to my temple, this male teacher taught one night a week, and slowly I graduated to two nights exposing me the other teachers talks. One suggested that this sangha is yours, and I began to help with set-up and clean-up. I met a few fellow sangha members, and each one had their own story and insights. Luckily, some were more experienced and helped me to dive deeper in simple understanding while working with them and others.

Then a new female teacher appeared, transferred from the East coast, who was a charming Brit, with a unique story of telling her Mom at a 3 that she would doing this, from a previous life experience. She was a simple, yet profound teacher, and one teaching I just knew her unspoken intention was to make dhamma clear to me. Perhaps, it might have been good timing or finally meditation was giving me small signs of awareness before unknown to me that prompted me to believe this, but “It” was working. She had a great personality, and a funny dhamma teaching husband to boot and both were liked by all. I began to more engaged in pujas, and longer weekend events there and away. And I was helping more around the temple, eventually helping to paint the entire building from her inspiration. I became friendly with an older member of the sangha, who's subtle teaching based on interest in my progress worked wonders in the after hours. We worked along each other setting up and taking down, and although 20 years older than I was tireless with her dedication to the practical aspects of dhamma. She was retired marriage counselor, so I think she used her wisdom from her practice on me.

In the first year of the "famous and loved" dhamma teacher appearance, she had to go to another temple far way to do her wonder work in the winter season for another temple. I didn't know in advance, so it was news to me. The temple would use new teachers, sometimes a bit green, until we found a new more seasoned dhamma teacher to fill in. I could sense my  disappointment, and low and behold, my comparing mind came in for a landing. After a couple of Tuesday nights, I continued my commitment to dhamma and helping out, but was still trying to judge the substitute teachers. When the older sangha member used to drive me home, I would talk with her, once complaining about the other subs and she got quiet, all while maintaining her smile. It then dawned on me that I was caught up in craving and aversion, because like most of us change is not a simple on-off switch. Sometimes, we need to steep in our errors, but that evening ride's talk helped. Dhamma was working it's little miracle with her subtle response, and she knew how to start the fire.

Growing from what is first perceived as an aversive, a teacher who might not be as entertaining as the one you like, and just watching the mind in the reactive state is dhamma in action. You can support the sangha instead of walking out because you are not satisfied.  One never knows if the new teacher will say something that will guide you further on the path. This simple awareness helped me grow tremendously with a little help from that older sangha member and by watching the mind in meditations. It made me realize Dhamma is not entertainment, it can be where you can grow in wisdom. I know now, that it was my first real sign that I was on the right path, many years ago and that awakening is a process of learning, and relearning until it becomes second nature.

Full Moon Rising

After taking two nuns to speak at a very cute Quaker House in San Jose, I felt the love that was inside the building. I don’t know if it was from the members we were present last night or from the residuals from the building. But it gave me a good feeling to mediate there. It was also nice to see people talk to the nuns after their dhamma talk, conveying interest. I really think the monastics are an important part of learning the dhamma. For without them you cannot see how far understanding your mind can go. It is not necessary to go as far, but you can at least have deep appreciation for the clarity they can provide lay people.

This is only proves a full moon was rising....I was in the gym going to yoga, walked in and put my mat down in the exercise room, and walked out into the main room to do ab work, which I finished and walked back to sit down on my mat to meditate. Two minutes into it, a woman walked up to me, and put her purse down. I looked at her, and she pulled up the leg of her pants and accused me of causing a bump on her leg. I don’t what she is talking about or where that was supposed to have happened??? Realizing that she is someone I have seen and figured out that she is not too well, I think to myself, “why do I deserve this?” She makes a comment about me having a cell phone, and I say it is allowed. She walks away, and I think, should I go complain to the management? I settled in meditation, but agitated. Yoga starts and I am motioned to leave to talk to the management. The man is apologetic, and asks me some questions related to her accusations. I tell him I think she is crazy, and he replies paranoid schizophrenic. I tell him why does this happen to me? Because, I have a schizophrenic sister? Oh, well. I go back into class and less than 10 minutes, the yoga teacher, taps me to look outside the glass and I see a policeman standing with the manager motioning me to leave class. I walk out calmly. They both apologize and understand this is someone we have to deal with when healthcare is so poor and non-existent. I answer any questions they have about the situation and what contact I had with her. Then I leave and finish my yoga class. The teacher, who I like, asks me, “Is everything all right?” I tell her about what happened and about having a schizophrenic sister. I figured out that she fixated on the light yellow t-shirt I was wearing saying, “GOOD VIBES” and that is was exactly the same color as her pants. The teacher and another friend from class sat and talked about her pregnancy and life and it all passed. They did not kick her out and she continued on the exercise machine as that would solve nothing with a schizophrenic.

Painting the World with Right Intention

In one of meditations which I did at Buddhist monastery last night... it came to me, why my partner and I met and carry on to this day 9 years later. People assume it was because of attraction... say like I like his smile, lips & calm ways and say he likes say my eyes, height and do it mentality. But what really makes us work well comes from his Buddhist teachings from birth and have since inspired my path. In particular, in the wisdom of the eightfold path, the second one is right intention(other names are right resolve, or thought) and forms his decisions from actual wisdom. He felt much the same as I did that our individual intentions originate from a good heart, which weighed a lot more than our physical attraction between us. This lead to right action to continue the relationship against all odds. The first time we departed, there was loss from both sides of the other's good heart and thus formed a real base to come back to and work from. Now years later, even we have disagreements and the few times argue, yet we know deep down that they may be misunderstandings or delusions on either side that caused it rather than and intention to hurt the other person. We all have expectations not met and delusions surrounding them, but with right intention we can climb any hill. This is not written to whittle down our love to simple facts, but these same facts help develop a mature loving relationship.

Things I Am Grateful For

I am grateful for(not in order):

Having a close and loving family.

Still having a sense of humor even after the shit hits the fan!

A simple hello from a stranger.

A cup of tea while watching the sun rise(see photo).

My partner saying "I love you,"

knowing that when he lives a life of truth.

News reports of someone doing something kind.

(i.e. The autistic kid who saved his teacher)

Having a brain injury, and getting better,

but still disabled enough to be humbled.

My ability to overcome any self pity with

a mental turnaround of a workout or a sit.

Learning Dhamma and applying it in difficult times

to overcome anger.(I'm a work in progress, still not perfect)

The blessings of having my sanity

with a mentally ill family member in mind.

A handful of close friends who understand me.

People and especially dogs notice can sense

when I meditate and the afterglow.

Having a disability that is a quick read

of where people's hearts truly lie.

No Worries

My partner bought a jasmine flower wreath for the Buddha that was given me by a monk a month ago. With our room smelling like fragrant jasmine we went to sleep, and I dreamt I became a monk. It has been in the back of my mind as worthwhile way to end your life.
So today, with the dream still alive, so I went to temple and did a prayer and sat for 1/2 an hour that had string tied from every Buddha to web hanging in the room. I think this is consecrated string from the eye opening ritual of a new Buddha image. Some joker would call it Wat Silly String. Then after I bought two more Buddha amulets from a monk out in front of this same temple. On the way there I was approached by two black men from Liberia, and being in an open-hearted frame of mind we chatted for awhile and exchanged numbers to meet a couple of days later. But as the day wore on, it seemed in my mind the real life spam characters who just happened to meet me, a single man with ipod on. It began to smell fishy, and two phone calls later plus a text message, I think they thought they had found a ‘mark.’ Count me out.
Venturing on, to get amulets in cases I ran into a street seller who spoke enough English to engage into an hour-long conversation about my Buddhist temple and practice. I also had with me Buddhist teachings by Luang Por Liem Thitadammo called “No Worries.” We talked about the importance of Dhamma and meditation to find the peace of mind to self-examine our actions. It was a good talk, with the two of us agreeing about everything. We parted when he had to pack up his wares for the day. I went by the river to have coffee and wait for the sun to go down some more so I could shoot at the golden hour. While walking down I ran into a Check tourist looking for the boat to take him back to his hotel area and walked him to the port and pointed out the boat to get on once it had arrived. Then killing time talking a hard sell boat trip man while waiting for the light to be just right for what really is a typical shot of Wat Arun.