For many years I would leave the comfort of my home for Thailand to spend some time with my partner. Most of the time he worked, with the exception of my first long term stay, over 10 years ago or went we traveled together. So this left me time to walk about and photograph, meeting people along the way. For me the interesting part, is almost everything about my history and life in the US became like a faint dream. Thus, it would feel like non-existence, especially when I went on walks alone while he worked. I could ask myself, “Who am I?” and alternate between that and wondering about making up my whole existence in fantasy. Also if I did not speak no one would know about my brain injury or question my speech. My home… in own way, contains worries along with the history and everything leading up to it. It was pretty easy to let go with a good friend staying there and taking care of things. With my computer I could interact with family and friends while home, but I made the conscious decision to carry just an old cell phone, and not be totally connected all the time. This allowed for even more spontaneity in the days, leaving me to return only when my partner came home for dinner, many times eating after a evening run. A few times, I would take off later while he slept to scout for some night shots if he was really tired and I felt inspired. Allowing me to unload past conditioning and the story of me based on location. I am not really scared, walking around at night, since I can feel my surroundings, danger will give you a warning most of the times alter before any incident.
05 June, 2015
Mes Aynak, a magnificent Buddhist city, is the most important archaeological discovery in a generation. But it is sitting on a vast copper deposit and is about to be destroyed. — theGuardian UK
Please contribute to raise awarness
to the Saving Mes Aynak film site:
11 May, 2015
One of the biggest fears people have is in the case of an accident, or your body has illness or any life-changing event…they will be rendered useless by not being whole. This fear is based on a delusion springing out of their mind, and I was just one of those people until my brain injury provided necessary actual life experience to bust it all up. With this comes the flood back of new fears once the dust settles to fill this huge hole in your ego's assemblage. And that also is not seen at first, because it happens naturally based on your individual conditioning. I had a new fear arise out of complications of communicating by telephone around a particular screw-up around health care of not my doing. I found in naps and at night I would cry out, “No, No, NO!” while having wild dreams.
Yet , I had not encountered what I feared, yet or even close. It was totally silly, and my guess it was based again on not having a clear enough picture of my future. A future that is based solely on thought, since it has never was experienced or will be, since life plays out what it has in store for you later, unattached to any ideas you carry around. Many times you will see that these fears have a similar root base that plays out like a broken record over and over, again. So before you get hooked on a fear, just sit back and watch the mind at work and see what really, is the problem. Perhaps, you get into the bad habit of linking multiple imaginary fears as the mind spins out of control? Our mind likes to do this, a habit of thinking and not just existing. So, close your eyes, breathe and relax...watch…you will not see the world collapse in blazing glory. “You” are whole now and even when life throws a wrench(any wrench), despite what you may think.
24 April, 2015
A very beautiful pointing to one’s pure awareness. Start at 4:20 and ends at about 44:00 for this one Italian woman for which we can all experience and perhaps learn...bit by bit in a great loving explanation. I advise earphones, for those easily distracted.
Escaping the personal identity.
“To be a somebody is a burden”
14 April, 2015
We all have seen some miraculous example of some disabled person doing extraordinary things, like running a marathon with one leg or like when I saw a boy with half of his brain(removed) learning to swim after his operation. How does this happen? He or she accepted their loss of whatever and moved on. This can even happen when you lose family and dear ones who pass, whether expected or unexpectedly. This is not to whitewash any grief that happens in the process, many times never seen by others, carried heavy in the heart for a long time. Once you realize that you really have no control in life, and that once you fully accept a death or a personal loss about your own health, you become free of the grief that you seem to be hooked on. Even a sense of ease comes when it appears that you have forgotten that grief. Often times it comes in small doses at first, unknown consciously until that begins to overpower the grief that you once held, when it gathers enough steam.
We have the power to choose acceptance earlier, if that is what we truly desire, without confusing it with not honoring those things we have lost in the form of guilt. This guilt that we feel is more about trying to maintain the grief, in feeling form. We get hooked on feelings and it is harder to let go of a feeling than the actual person or idea that we carry around with us. Often times waiting for exhaustion to dictate a move to change, instead or when people get sick of you. One has to look very deeply at what we truly want and that is happiness, which will only comes with acceptance. It may take time off from work and life to let the loss settle completely in meditation, instead of stringing it along to explode in unexpected moments. Then it will allow you to honor those that passed, too. The sooner the better when you consider how short our life is and the fact that you will have to...anyway.
20 March, 2015
|Death Valley Junction|
|Mona Caron Mural|
Surely, you’ll make new friends who you meet because of your change, and gather new acquaintances familiar with your particular “brand” of path(often called Sangha, in my case). Depending on how far along you are… you will also notice that even these new ones don’t need you so much when their own wisdom blooms creates a relaxed attitude around not clinging. Meaning not clinging to anything including any friends. All this might seem disconcerting at first, but it is positive maturation that will immediately become obvious when you no longer are invited to parties and social events where people drink. It will help you stay on the path, instead of being tempted every weekend to make one giant leap backward….which can easily happen with only a good bottle of red wine and loose lips over a casual dinner.