Uncreated Nonsense

Having completed “Sonic Birth” phase of Tomatis Mozart Therapy, one is more able to quiet down all the stuff that used to surface. This is a great adjunct for daily sits, where you observe body sensations, to cement the knowledge that everything in life changes and thus you have no need to hold on or act out. It allows you to just exist, putting all environmental stresses, judgments and papancha (Pali word for mental proliferation) aside. The therapy is the last phase and it exposes of all traumas one accumulates from your birth and in the womb. Without getting into the particulars of my case one thing that is great is the traumas are unseen and unnamed, mostly disposed of in dreams. This allows you to walk in the world without all your nonsense, and just deal with things as they happen. Usually you no longer over-react to things based on triggered fears laid deeply in your sub-conscious from your birth or from your life experiences. What others feel and hopefully see, when they see you is a blank slate, so they feel like you won’t attack, judge or fling negativity at them. So truly being the light in the world. It might be also seen as pure unattached love, because you love yourself without all your nonsense… naturally. This is not romantic love, it is more like resting in the self. Smiles and laughter flow and they not forced or masked with criticism.  With Sonic birth this time I no longer have to let go, I just don’t create the things you need to let go of.

Tears of Gratitude?

I was sitting down to meditate and gratitude came up. My mother, the Buddhist nuns, my family(even my mentally ill sister), my friends, my current and ex-partners(one of which was cooking for the nuns at my suggestion), and the friend who lead me to vipassana( by not telling me, showing me).
Tears started to flow, and I began to think, am I mourning the loss of my ignorant self? Or perhaps, being so stupid not to appreciate them even more? ... and thus telling them? But telling someone they are appreciated is only words, and using wisdom to motivate right intention and thus action begins to call out stronger. Observing it again, it is just emotion, the heart peeling layers of protection off of itself. Layers applied to protect the self, which is really only a made up, or learned identity. Unlearning it is really relaxing all formally entrenched ideas of a self, independent of the world. If we were really independent, we would not have parents. Think immaculate conception(not here! Believe you me!) and it blows the self out of the water.

My Shoes

I have thought about this off and on lately. Last week, when I got to my yoga class “my” usual spot was taken by someone else’s mat. I actually felt a slight bit bothered. I immediately let it go, found a new place and a mental note of this feeling. I say “my” spot because I can found there mediating 1/2 hour before class and it is conveniently located away from traffic, and moving people and things. But I don’t own the spot, so what is this all about? We often label things as mine, like “My shoes,” and when we can’t find them or someone took them we immediately have mental discomfort. We do it to a lot of things, putting ownership on material objects because we should... we paid for them, right? But just saying those are my shoes starts to create a firmer sense of I or me. This is only a road to more pain, extending your sense of self beyond your body, falling into traps like I did with my spot. It was really never mine before my usual arrival time, nor after the class ends, anyway. I think I might suggest to my teacher in my class that just before starting people are asked to move their mats two to the right or left, just to make people aware of their attachment to space. Explain to them, why after they move and to watch their thoughts. The more we are conscious of the pain we create for ourselves, the less we will blame others. It's becoming much clearer now that we create our own hell, and let's start running in the other direction.