01 April, 2010

Say What?

If it is one thing ...it is another. I went to the Dr. for an MRI reading and hopefully a decision about surgery or not. After nearly one hour in the waiting room finishing my book, “MIndfulness, Bliss, and Beyond: A Meditator's Handbook, ” I was escorted to a room, where I sat in meditation posture waiting for the Dr. to arrive. More than 30 minutes later he rushes in and with his laptop say he can’t get my MRI up, seems like the website is down. Now if I knew this would be a problem I would have brought my copy. He does a quick overview, and decides to give me a shot of cortisone. A total of 4 minutes, after 1 1/2 hour wait. I said, if this all I needed why didn't the first Dr. do this? ....it looks like there was no reason to see you, and with a not happy face. I left, pissed off, drove home to get my copy of my MRI and drove back. I gave it to the nurse. I then went down to the first Dr I saw and asked why did I have to get an MRI at my cost, when the other did not care enough to have it in his hands when I walked in. His colleague had it downstairs, so it should not be a problem. I left, asking the first Dr. to call me and state why he had me get an MRI, if the other Dr, did not care(nor was consulted). I stated I could not afford this cost in advance. I left nearly two hours after my scheduled appointment and walked to my car.

On the way there I was lucky enough, to spin me out of my current mental state, to have a cute red toned cat come up to me like an old friend. He was so unlike most cats….he welcoming me to pet and caress him. I said this must be my partner. I later texted him to ask if that was he! I spent a good 10 minutes with this cat, that came to me. Then drove to get a bite, before a job. While waiting for a bagel, a 4 yr old boy walked up to me, out of all the people around, to ask if I saw his mother? I looked around for his description of his mother, as he was worried but too anxious, since he was busy pre-occupied with his toy. So, I said do you now where your car is? He pointed one way, but said she is probably in the bathroom. I said why don’t we wait and sit outside until she comes? I turned to get my bagel as it was ready and there she was, out of the blue even though I looked for her up and down…I leaned towards her and put my hand on her shoulder and said he’s fine….don’t worry. And she said, “Thanks."

On to my client’s house, arriving on time to find a with a note posted he was a little late. I walked to have coffee, and found a wallet on the stairs and upon talking it the customer service window, suggesting that they page the guy as he might be around. I finished my job with my client and went home and suddenly thought I thought I might never see the MRI disc again and drove to the Dr.’s office to get it. Now, three days later, I have not heard what is the final decision about the reading or an explanation of what to expect next. I have calls in to both Dr.’s.

All this points me towards the fundamental nature of all life, Buddha speaks of this as Dukkha. As long as I fight this, lying in bed trying to go sleep, with the heat of worn out muscles, and loose bones that is to be expected. I am no different than the ultimate reality of all life. It is time for more meditation, reflections to align myself with being awake, and put my self concern to bed. Learning from every experience good and bad. That's how I will really relax.

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