On the day,
we married …upon coming home, we got some beautiful orchid leis from one of
my close friends that arrived too late to take with us to wear in the wedding.
So, I said we need to give them to my neighbor’s young girls, and we trotted
over to give the leis to them. We ended up talking for a while, and also to the
neighbor next door to them. Who I later find out at that time that they had
just found out that their foreign partner of their roommate, who I know, died
quite accidently in the hospital. They did not want to spoil our day by telling
us. This other neighbor had a nice life planned out with their partner, and all
was going quite well, with a business and plans worked on for over 10 years. A
life that was unplanned for the tragedy that unfolded.
Lately, my sister during her honeymoon had her husband pass away, and although a
very involved story in a developing country….it was never planned. I never
thought that I would see that to realize that my suffering was suddenly inconsequential.
I have my
partner who is well aware of and speaks often about how much I have changed his
life in appreciation at unprompted times. So these latest two stories help to
show me that my suffering is old hat. That even though my other siblings reflecting
on what transpired in my life and my sister saying that they could have never
have survived through similar things if they happened to them. But they forget
that far worse has happened to others, and that we have all have this innate
will to survive that takes over when things get extremely difficult. Few fall
into really giving up, because we know what this means to us both mentally and
physically. I really would like to skip the pity train, because it sounds like giving up. Often when I speak
I have to get into details so people don’t think I am drunk or a new incident
happening right before their eyes. I think that I quantify my existence by my
suffering. I seemingly have more which can easily leave me unable to move on or
to have compassion(in the way I should have normally) for others. I am aware
that others suffer, and see that we often don’t even know unless they broadcast
on the news. Suffering is not always news worthy, and can be so regular but points to things we can't control. And some of us can’t bear when it involves many people or a whole
family. We shut off. But we enjoy a tragedy story with some silver lining, and I
guess it’s the hope that the same thing happens when it befalls us. And that is
where they take the idea and run with it for news and/or entertainment. This brings me back to why I am on this path, to look closely at suffering in it's minor forms, so that when it barrels in a grand expression ...I won't necessarily be ready, but will be familiar with what my brain does with it, and how my body reacts to it. Hopefully making suffering a inroad to wisdom, because you can't avoid it.
