Tricked Out of Wholeness

One of the biggest fears people have is in the case of an accident, or your body has illness or any life-changing event…they will be rendered useless by not being whole. This fear is based on a delusion springing out of their mind, and I was just one of those people until my brain injury provided necessary actual life experience to bust it all up. With this comes the flood back of new fears once the dust settles to fill this huge hole in your ego's assemblage. And that also is not seen at first, because it happens naturally based on your individual conditioning. I had a new fear arise out of complications of communicating by telephone around a particular screw-up around health care of not my doing. I found in naps and at night I would cry out, “No, No, NO!” while having wild dreams.

Yet , I had not encountered what I feared, yet or even close. It was totally silly, and my guess it was based again on not having a clear enough picture of my future. A future that is based solely on thought, since it has never was experienced or will be, since life plays out what it has in store for you later, unattached to any ideas you carry around. Many times you will see that these fears have a similar root base that plays out like a broken record over and over, again. So before you get hooked on a fear, just sit back and watch the mind at work and see what really, is the problem. Perhaps, you get into the bad habit of linking multiple imaginary fears as the mind spins out of control?  Our mind likes to do this, a habit of thinking and not just existing. So, close your eyes, breathe and relax...watch…you will not see the world collapse in blazing glory. “You” are whole now and even when life throws a wrench(any wrench), despite what you may think. 

Small Bursts of Wisdom

It is 3 am, and I am laying on my firm platform bed, with a tatami mat on top, my knees on fire from the temple floor, my ankles full of bug bites And now my stomach feels hollow, not really growling and you know what all this does to you? You think, and reflect and revel in really how fortunate your life has been. The precepts are designed to make you more humble, and propel you to reflect and practice with a clean slate. They are NOT any harder than living your fears, and that I can attest to. Sure, everything is new, the robes, the kind of practice, the surrounding and the circumstances. But I have seen a lot more love and forgiveness in ten days, than a year at home in the comfort of supposed ideal conditions.



Most, if not all of these novices come from really poor backgrounds, so poor they cannot pay for school or food. Some even from the loss of parents or caretakers. The abbott at this temple does not rule with a iron fist, but instead with firm loving kindness. With the practice you have to gather respect, and that comes down to your mind and spiritual progress. It is not always easy, and the novices last night in temple were laughing with me, not at me.



We have spent the last couple of days teaching them English, on a casual informal way. The ones who want to learn come visit us, and bring their books and questions to us. It is truly amazing how they will even form the knowledge they want, and will practice with us, all they really need is some slow, concise English grammar, and lots of laughter. I would like to learn Thai this way as a child would. One student in particular, although there are many more similar, Sang was so earnest trying to get as much as he could get in the couple of hours with us..after school. His desire far outpaced his fear of losing face with natural speakers, that some kids experience.

I will use Sang as a role model, when things get difficult for myself, knowing that my desire to have wisdom and be happy far exceed my fears. I hope I can provide these kids some of the knowledge they want.


Alang on left and Sang