My Guard Spider

With my guard spider in place above my door, I am taking off for a 10-day Vipassana to work on some more anger. I need this after dealing with contractors on and in my house for the last two months. Luckily, I bumped up daily meditation to 1 hour a day. Sorry, I have been to busy to post these last couple of weeks, so here is a interesting TED talk on "The Birth of Word."

Imaginary Love

I, like the character Francis, was the sensitive one in my 20's, but luckily could walk away when things were not right. Not to say that there was not pain, tears or attachment. I still knew what I wanted, beyond the hormonal needs. Perhaps, I saw the future. Ha! Cute film, as intense as the early 20's see love. A couple of brilliant scenes of forsaken love. Ouch!

What would you do?

The Japan catastrophe is weighing on everyone's mind. I know the suffering there to me, occupies my thoughts. We have prayed in temple with the sole purpose to help the Japanese.

Today, I rode my bike to the gym as usual even though it was raining. On the way out of where I park it in the gym, I had just mounted and the band holding my pants flew off and landed right in front of this man who I have seen in the gym. He just steps over it and continues walking, when he could have easily picked it up and handed to me. When it flew off I laughed like saying," Ha!", and when he ignored it, I just continued laughing. I know if was in position I would picked it up.

This week, I had a 92 yr old woman who is my computer class come to try the restoration yoga I go on Saturday at my suggestion. I helped her get set up, and up and down, and when things got a little too hard for her, I set up up for a relaxing savasana with props and a blanket, But she really liked legs up the wall... a first for her. Some poses she said would like to do them just to keep the body working. She was inspired by my "niceness," and when I walked her to her car, she said Thank you gave me a hug. She in turn, inspires me in class and even coming to try yoga. And this why she is still going while all her friends sit home and complain about their ailments!

A "Drive-by" Poem

Today, a man stopped me and asked if he could read me a poem. Of course I said, yes since I have no reason to fear strangers. I had my good vibes shining, so it was easy to approach me. I did not ask why, and I gave him my attention. I had tons of things to do, but I took today to take care of myself. Restoration yoga and met a friend for tea, and a shoulder massage since I was in pain. Later, I bought some blueberries to make he nuns a fresh pie. Oh, yes and thanked him. So, here it is:

The New Poetry Handbook by Mark Strand

1 If a man understands a poem,
he shall have troubles.

2 If a man lives with a poem,
he shall die lonely.

3 If a man lives with two poems,
he shall be unfaithful to one.

4 If a man conceives of a poem,
he shall have one less child.

5 If a man conceives of two poems,
he shall have two children less.

6 If a man wears a crown on his head as he writes,
he shall be found out.

7 If a man wears no crown on his head as he writes,
he shall deceive no one but himself.

8 If a man gets angry at a poem,
he shall be scorned by men.

9 If a man continues to be angry at a poem,
he shall be scorned by women.

10 If a man publicly denounces poetry,
his shoes will fill with urine.

11 If a man gives up poetry for power,
he shall have lots of power.

12 If a man brags about his poems,
he shall be loved by fools.

13 If a man brags about his poems and loves fools,
he shall write no more.

14 If a man craves attention because of his poems,
he shall be like a jackass in moonlight.

15 If a man writes a poem and praises the poem of a fellow,
he shall have a beautiful mistress.

16 If a man writes a poem and praises the poem of a fellow overly,
he shall drive his mistress away.

17 If a man claims the poem of another,
his heart shall double in size.

18 If a man lets his poems go naked,
he shall fear death.

19 If a man fears death,
he shall be saved by his poems.

20 If a man does not fear death,
he may or may not be saved by his poems.

21 If a man finishes a poem,
he shall bathe in the blank wake of his passion
and be kissed by white paper.

I AM, and The Great Shake-Up

There’s a time in most everyone’s life where, through an injury like Tom Shadyac’s or mine will be just enough to shake all your ideas about life up until that moment. It will happen to you in one way or another, but how you will proceed after is up to you. I used to volunteer for post brain injury patients, and only a few of them in the first few months of healing will have that great shake-up bulb on. Most still had their blinders on, pushing me to tell them when will they get back to normal and that wore on me signaling time to move on. I would say in a perfect world you walk out of here in two weeks and drive home, but now is when you wake up to what is right here, right now. Few would start thanking nurses and family members for their help as a sign of comprehension. Now, I am not saying I really had anything to do with this, but sometimes patients would hear me talk (yes, I am still “injured”), and understand that their life too, might never be back to normal. Tom takes this as his jumping off point to ask those important questions in the film I AM. He realized that with his healing, that no man is an island.

The Fixing Mind- Enable it to let go.

Oh, thank you for a casual reminder to let go today and yesterday. Customized to me but then again how is one supposed to learn if you're not paying attention? Sorry, I am missing posts this past month with all that has been going this month, but I did up my meditation!

Saturday, I helped a friend choose interior colors for his space with unbelievably dark colors his designer picked. And he kept running to Tahoe to escape the cave the guy put him in...I told him that is why. I gave him 3 versions in each room, even painting them myself, and two more areas that, for me, had pretty particular solutions that narrowed it down more easily. We knew if I get involved we get the ball rolling, so that is why I jumped on doing it for him. On Friday, I had seen a friend at the gym, who asked me about kirtan with Jai Uttal, and told me about her desire to go, I remembered to find a kirtan on Friday evening and book it. I contacted most all friends, and no one wanted to go or had other plans…but I am fine going alone. On Saturday morning, I talked with my yoga teacher and he said he and his friend were going, as well. So, after a strong cup of chai I took off and met them both at the door. We sat down together in the front row and met two more people, We sat around and talked about teaching yoga to regular people with injuries, etc. I conveyed my interest in teaching, but with my voice it would be a problem. But I still think that my story and perseverance would help people when they first start and are awash in what they can’t do. It was so much fun, that I had a hard time sleeping that night with my heart full of vibrations.



Sunday, I started early with a meditation upright in bed, my body told me to chill, when I thought about the all the work I have to do after contractors where here. I started a small part of it, and then did homework, read, napped, taking off for puja with the Nuns. I walked into the Vahara, and one was meditating, so I happily and quietly joined her, and placed my glasses down.
Later, she quietly prostrated 3 times, and thinking we might do puja, I moved from meditation posture to puja (hero’s pose) forgetting my glasses and rolled over them.

We just continued meditating for an hour, and I fought the need to fix the glasses for the first ten minutes. It is what I wanted to meditate more than recite prayers, so it was my wishes answered. I did chuckle internally during meditation about the “fixing mind” which seems like it was tailored to me, growing up with an alcoholic father. I did let go and relax, and I was not tense. In meditation, I did ‘see’ a six year old girl in the room with a parent, not related to me, a vision… and even let her go. The vihara was formally someone's house. I happily drove to pick up my injured friend’s laundry to take home, after the vihara.

I did see someone today even though he pulled up his collar to avoid me seeing him… and let go of the need to say hello because he did not need it at the moment. Again, something I can't fix. As a sick friend said on Saturday… psychic! when I emailed him a spot on guess of what he needed to eat that day. A sign of showing love for himself. And yes, it was what he had.

"I'm Viagra to Classical Music...

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...and aspirin to pop culture." – Hahn Bin