14 November, 2010

Where Do I Belong?

In spending two weeks away at another friend's house with only two cats as "friends," I was able to spend a lot of time meditating and thinking. If I need to be around those that know me and love me to feel alive, then I do have a lot more work to do ...to let go. I know that I have come to understand my purpose in life this time away and am beginning to understand some of hindrances to my wisdom path. It is probably better for me not to speak, or to avoid it at all costs. My frustration and others' when they look at me dumbfounded because in most cases they are not really listening. I have to then, in the case of a public place, quickly figure out how best to communicate usually in a pressure infused situation. This does does not bring out the best in either party, and soon becomes fork in the road off my wisdom path. I know the doctors encourage me to speak in order to get things working again, but a clinical environment is not the real world. Incidentally, when traveling to foreign countries I have much better luck with comprehension because those are trying to listen. They guess I am a foreigner, too ...instead of brain injured.

Mainly it comes down to what I say is not that important that I can't write it down to communicate on a small pad. I guess, my pride is showing up when I can't make it easier for others by doing so. Ego aside, this will, in fact, make me seem less agitated and thus smooth the path to wisdom knowing I often don't belong in the "normal" world.


G said...

What is the "normal world," anyway, Albert?

One person's perspective on what's normal will naturally differ to any other's. In this sense, none of us are normal - because there is no such thing. "Normal" is another delusion based on an egotistic view of life.

I am not perceived as being "normal" by many (most?) Thais here in Thailand because I don't look like them, speak like them, or act like them. (I do try to speak and act like them, but with mixed results.) This being "abnormal" can sometimes be an advantage, but prejudice does exist against foreigners here in some circles.

Such situations are prime opportunities for reflection, which is what's so interesting about your post, Albert. It must be incredibly frustrating to not be understood because of a lack of concentration on the part of others. I have some of this with some Thais who do not listen to a foreigner speaking their language, even when its being pronounced correctly. It's very peculiar!

When these difficulties arise, once the situation has been resolved one way or the other, we can then reflect on our reactions, our thought processes that occur as a result of such frustrating encounters. Are we acting out of an identification with the ego, or out of an awareness that there's no such thing? This is the essential point of every moment of our precious lives, isn't it?

Was Once said...

It was just to put a name on it(normal, only because I am not perceived as such), more in a way to make people aware. Of course it is ego based, and I keep looking at ways to grow and reflect.

Pre-injury I was the one who would always take the time to hear deaf people speak and understand a foreigner's accent. In one particular case after my injury a deaf person came into my store, and my business partner turned to me when he gave up.

I really can't perform under pressure, in like a grocery line or a cafe line and will let people go ahead just so the cashier is more relaxed to be able to listen to me. I have learned a lot about life and others with injuries, and would never want to undo what happened to me...it got me on this wonderful path!

I would wish that people would ask me what happened to my voice, in every case. Because I find that when I show show them my brain injury card, they say, "Why are you showing me this?" Like it for them is out of context, and the same thing when I try to tell people when I first call them on the phone. But many hang up thinking I got the wrong number, because it doesn't relate to what they sell.

G said...

A wise attitude towards your injury and its results, Albert. Keep on the wonderful Path!

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