School of Thoughts

My roommate, who came in late after being out in the middle of the night, awakens me. Tired, I watched my mind go to negative thoughts. I got up for a snack and water, because I went to bed with less food than I normally eat.

Today, cooked for the monks that I will mediate with on Sunday, and when it came to my dinner I just grabbed some odds and ends. I prepared some food for homeless, and drove out to find some to give it to. Sadly, not too hard to find. I gave to a couple sitting outside a grocery store. When I asked them if they were hungry, the man came to my car and introduced himself and said, “thanks!” A man nearby talking to them, smiled and gave me the thumbs up. So what do I have to complain about?

In my quest to be wise, I have realized just how often we make conversation based on something we don’t like. It can be as minor as the weather…“It’s too hot or It’s too cold!” Trying to build some connection with a stranger or to start a conversation with a friend. It is so common that we do it without even thinking. Now think about it. Have you ever met a wise and happy person? Guess what? You’ll notice that they almost never say a negative statement. Now, it doesn’t mean you have to be “Mr. Positive” and make everything sickly sweet. It just sounds that way in your head. I need to change this. If you create a negative mood, even on a simplest level with something everyone dislikes it is so easy. We hate the weather, politics, the economy or our weight and a whole bunch else. We can find faults in everything. Dislikes that define us as the fussy people we are.

You are creating the world as you see it, and it signals dissatisfaction for the way things really are. Human life is never easy. I know that and most other people know that. You can always find something you don't like. So what? Why point to others that you are not happy inside? It is not something you encounter with a wise person. You might see this positive behavior with regular people, so it is not just some ideal that is seen only with the Dalai Lama. You might even have a friend or acquaintance that does this and you never really knew why they seem to be consistent and positive. They leave you feeling lighter. I have witnessed this in a few people, and noticed that you never gravitate towards negative conversation and leave happier.

So, if I am creating the world I want to live in, then I will have to notice how I speak, catching everything before it spills out of my mouth. A wise person is a conscious person. And I will have to love myself, and not get mad if this does not happen right way. An understanding… that I am a work in progress.

Impending Doom or Opportunity?

My computer is on its last legs and while it is in the shop quietly deciding its own fate, I use this time to learn patience, yet again. Hey, maybe some wisdom would be great, as well. Pretty please? With sugar on top, if you don't mind. I will continue to analyze my faults, hopefully to access my compassionate heart buried deep underneath. I have noticed that when things are good and you are feeling ok, deep down, you know it will end suddenly. So, one has the tendency while things are fine to not even enjoy them with this threat of the never ending question, "What is next?"

This probably comes to most people like it does for me, after you have a some personal history of failings(we all do - like a breakup, job loss, etc) or some kind of surprise drama like my near death. Or it might come to you, when your upcoming death rears its ugly head like some police sobriety test while you are drunkenly cruising through life. But in all seriousness, if you don't work on yourself when things are good or even just satisfactory you'll find that you are suddenly injured or even on your deathbed and you no longer have any time or patience left. Yes, life goes by this damn fast. We really do have no idea what is next. You can save, dream of some far off place to relax and plan ahead for retirement and it will never put a dent into the clear understanding that things change and often do so with no logic or reason. Out of the blue.

I think I have come to an understanding that those little discontentments I have about life, all the way to the supreme life changing event of my brain injury are a result of my ripening karma. Whether from this life or not really doesn't matter. What does matter ...is I now have the time to invest on developing my compassionate heart while things are fine. This will insure a future of more positive karma and might even result in a peaceful passing. So, you say you don't believe in karma? OK, fine then, but at least once you have probably experienced someone in your life – that their entire being or character is positive and loving and it rubbed off on you, the day you encountered them. I want to be that person, and one can't just wake up and be that.... even if you won the damn lottery. It takes a clear and thorough understanding of the way life really is.

This means working on putting to bed delusions and dissatisfactions based on ignorance. Delusions like anger(yes, even in most subtle forms), jealousy, pride, ego, laziness and others. If I truly want wisdom I have to look at my faults that are fear based, like my death, of course. And how I deal with others. Like today when given a compliment, instead of saying thanks... I try to whittle down my value. You know, people who say, "Not me, I hardly did anything." This is not a wise person, who does not show respect for himself when he downplays a compassionate thank you. You cannot offer wisdom and be truly happy without some real work. What you say, how you act and your body language says a whole lot  about what is in your mind. A calm mind is a product of wisdom and compassion built out of meditation. I can see the kind of compassionate person I want to be,  and I am finally aware of the personal work involved...with or without my computer. But the clearer I get, the more superficial my things appear to me.

Without Blinders

We are still traveling down the road assessing likes, dislikes and neutral objects when we encounter a boulder that appears in the road. It was fine until the bugs, the heat, the other idiots on the road, and now a boulder. It slowly becomes obvious that you are a reactive state to things that appear to be coming at you. So if you dislike that boulder in front of your new sports car on your first day off in a month, you may get agitated or even angry. And with this you may start to add other things you don’t like about the day, the car or your life. I have often said you are really asking for more misery to help( right! help?) you to understand why this boulder is really NOT making your day. You’re so focused on this boulder, all else falls by the wayside. It does not make any sense if you break it down, but we do it (or at least I do) more often than we care to say. Now, put this boulder aside, you are barreling towards with blinders on and you have not at all noticed the beauty that is on the periphery of your journey. You may have earlier when the going was smooth, easy only because for one hot minute you forgot your dislikes. Likes: the wind blowing through trees, the sunlight reflecting on leaves, the wisp of fog burning off. Or one of my favorites – the smell of impending rain(yes, I smell it). Oh, and that person saying hello to you for no other reason but to share in the beauty of the day. And snapping back to your current upset state about that boulder and you are hard pressed to grunt “hello” back. The world is much more than little old me, and will show its beauty to someone a bit more awake than I, if I don’t change. And now for some reason, I am much aware of how little time is left in my human body. I want to view this world like I did at 12: big, amazing, beautiful, fantastic and ever changing. I like it.

Our World View

I am using the current downturn now financial crisis in the market to watch how my mind works. We know that we divide how we see the world up into threes: Likes, dislikes, and neutral (or no feelings). With our pick we quickly view the world and everything we encounter with our five senses. And a few rare times with our sixth sense — intuition, which I have spoken about in previous posts. You’ll find that you want to gravitate to things you like, but in the process you unfortunately find a lot more that you don’t like. For instance, in this economic climate one would be hard pressed to find something good here, and quickly worry or dislike. And perhaps panic. Just listen to the news, and watch them trying to make sense out of all this…they can’t, so how could you?

So, I have been trying to monitor how I perceive this current crisis and life in general. If I look back at my life and my family’s lives, I have watched my grandfather die trying desperately to hold to money and life. He did not like dying, and he wasn't prepared. We lose it all, and we die just as helpless as we came into the world at birth. All we can do is make wiser decisions on our path, and try not to focus on dislikes. We really cannot change to the world to be our way, and have everyone view it through our eyes. Nor can we shut down and go into a corner because we don’t like the way things are right now. What we can do is change how we see the world, and with our wisdom view it with a lighter mind. This is not to be confused with a positive outlook but seeing things as they really are, always changing. Try not to hold on to the disappointments of dislikes, there are way too many. They have the ability to change when we think we have it all arranged the way we like it. Look at the financial mess, we have enough history I hope, so that we remember when it was all good. Now a disaster…temporarily. It seems like we find ourselves constantly disliking something or someone, even to the point of looking for more things to dislike. Now think about it… we are causing our own misery one dislike at a time. For instance, even a neutral view of someone alone can prevent us from meeting the right person. We might walk by and not say hello to someone who can change our life immensely, holding to our narrow view.