Prisoner of Circumstance

I am helping a friend move, and just unloaded a bunch of stuff outside his car and was waiting for him to come out. A red faced Russian man, smoking a pink wrapped long slim cigar, comes over to me blowing out smoke to the side, “Can I speak to you for a minute?”

Without time for me to answer he launches into a tirade about being locked up overnight by some kind of altercation with his woman. I really did not have any choice, but to listen, standing by all my friend’s things on the ground. So, I just tried my best to just hear him out. .. .a prisoner of circumstance. He offered me a "cigar-rette", which I kindly declined, but noting he was somewhat civilized. His accent was to hard to get it all, at his rate of rant or maybe it was the after-effects of drinking and no sleep… and I am good with accents. I began to day-dream about how he is a good character study, fighting his remorse by trying to engage me to commiserate. Of course, I agreed and nodded my head at appropriate times feigning interest. Wanna hire me?

I think it came down, when she did something dumb(it is always someone else’s fault), and he being drunk, rasied his voice and hand …not to strike her(he says) just to set her straight. And the cops were called. With statements about his 5 million dollar company, and how he would never hit for fear it would jeopardize his business. Is he bragging or is that ego talking? But he was still pissed by the cops that took her side and threw him into the drunk tank. And how he could get Shapiro (you know, the lawyer, he says) to close down this station.*&#_(@)#! Which just so happened to be 10 doors down from my friend’s new place.

He was on a roll after being cooped up, and finally my friend walked up to rescue me and the Russian from Odessa offered to help. I guess out of feeling guilty from unloading on me. I was the first person he encountered after his release…lucky me!

Under Buddha’s Eightfold Path right intention falls under wisdom. Wisdom that comes from a commitment to have good will and avoid anger and aversion. I have found in my practice, it is a little bit hard to maintain right intention in the heat of the moment, and I came up with this while in meditation. Before you say something truthfully or you feel your temperature going up before you jump into an issue that may seem warranted…look carefully at how you see the future of this incident. That seems to be easier to do, because it takes you out of immediate. Are you causing it to drag on longer and get further away from your goal? Being right in every instance might cause you to back track, apologize, or just throw good will out the window.

The little man

What a beautiful day? It was sunny and at least I am happy. Maybe is it the fact that I am running on 5 hours sleep, and punch drunk happy. With my brain injury, I need at least 10-12 hours a night and a nap in the afternoon. I guess it is to download more information on my hard-disk. Or perhaps it is like a little man with a can of “Bondo” trying to spackle in the holes in my brain. I tell people that with them a little less sleep means they end up kind of spacey, but with me it means confusion and inability to form any words. So, when I am under any pressure or trauma, I virtually cannot speak anything intelligible. Which reminds of the time when I called the police to report a crime in my own business, where two guys distracted me, which was easy and made off with my hand-held computer. I called the regular police number not 911, and they showed up about an hour later. While telling them what happened, in my stroke impaired voice, they immediately said, "You are drunk." That only added insult to injury, and making it even harder to speak because I was so mad. Floored that I had to explain that I while I am at work, and it would be foolish to be drunk. They did not even have the skills to see if my pupils were not dilated and eyes clear, so they seemed so stupid. Later I filed a police complaint, and saw a judge and commission board six months later. The judge came out and concluded it was my duty to warn them that have a stroke. I told him if I say when I first call in to dispatch they hang up, thinking I have the wrong number. If I tell them in person they(the ignorant police, in this case) would think I am hiding something, and I can’t win. That experience was one more indication that I need to meditate and learn Buddha’s teachings, because it was a test. Later I found a well-written brain injury plastic card from Great Britain that I carry around. Of course when I show it now, people immediately get mute unable to figure out what to do next. Just chill!