27 November, 2009

Finding Gratitude

What if you woke up, with a little bug in your ear to do something that was good? It was far stronger than wanting to make myself happy. Like eating breakfast. How rare! The previous night at nearly midnight just as I was wrapping up the day, I got an email from an acquaintance about his father’s death. So, I stayed up to send condolences and to tell him what to expect. Recalling it like it was yesterday(my own father's death) I hoped to share some of my wisdom. It made for interesting dreams, but it came back how I could make someone else happy upon waking on Thanksgiving. Perhaps, it can be contagious once you stop thinking about yourself. At least I hope so. Anyway, I won’t go into details about what I did Thanksgiving morning because it would sound too self-congratulatory. When my mission was completed, I had no plans after serving lunch to a friend of mine. It was funny how as soon as I completed doing something nice for someone else, the phone rings. Another friend called to join his friends for a great Thanksgiving dinner. I was welcomed as old friend, going on for hours, relaxing and very tasty.

I wanted to write what I am grateful for after I spoke about it in my new dhamma meeting on Tuesday. These people don’t know me or are familiar with my injury. I am well aware that at first glance I appear to be totally normal, but once I speak the freak comes out or more appropriate my brain injury shines. I tried as best I could to say that I am grateful for my injury, coma, and my family’s love to help me see the way out. I wanted others to hear, that people suffer in ways they can’t even imagine…I know personally that being aware of others whips you out of the self-cherishing hell we all obsess on. That is why I volunteer to help others see there is a life... out of the hospital, when they return home and answer any questions they have about that transition. I try to convey the remainder of life should be seen with gratitude. It not easy to maintain all the time, but to reel back in when your view snaps back to worries and fear about yourself. You have to find resources within you that you didn’t know where there. This ability that we all have, I am so grateful for. It makes me more human.


Anonymous said...

It resignated: "You have to find resources within you that you didn't know were there"

Anonymous said...

Great Blog! The reason why I have been a social worker for the last 15 years is for the selfish reason that it makes me feel good to have a positive impact on others. It doesn't make money but there is no other reward so statisfying as listening when someone needs to be heard or being thoughtful in a way another doesn't expect. Also I've found that sometimes the Angels/Teacher in our life must be random without any connection to our past. I'm sure that I've changed lives where the family my not even remember my name but they remember the act of kindness.

I'll never forget the flight attendant who noticed that I was in incredible pain on my way to see you in the hospital...all she said was it will be alright and I lost it. She just gave me water and tissues and let me feel the pain. She was right...you are all right. You may not speak as well but in so many ways you are even better.

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