In an effort not to pick a hot news topic and effuse my opinion on it, I am posting less and meditating more. Not to mean there is nothing to say, and there are tons of feelings about world events I would like to spout about. I obsessed about the Oregon teen terrorist case, feeling we always have money for law and prisons, but not help to channel harmful intentions into better decisions. I am beginning to understand that wisdom does not morph out of my opinions, no matter how brilliant they sound to me.
I cooked for three hours for a friend, just because it felt fun. A nice hot meal finishing with a fresh acorn squash pie for dessert. I did not tell him what I planned to serve, just called him at work asking him if he is hungry. He said he will stop by for...whatever. Pouring tons of tea, we had spoken a couple of days ago about a mutual friend. I said, “Don’t you know her mom is missing?” He replied, “What?” Then I told him what I know and the mystery surrounding. Doesn’t it all begin to make sense knowing this friend? He was obviously trying to assemble his impressions of her over the years. “It is shame, it has never been answered.”
In our conversations about what we want to accomplish before we expire we covered many of our projects. We also talked about what I feel is a real stumbling block on my path, that is, how I was brought up. It provides me one way to see the world and how I act on it…is often based on the way I was taught. Unlearning is also part of my path, and to do so, might very well take not talking for a month. I dread it, if only not being able to vent my frustrations and a few family phone calls. My life leans away from speaking constantly with my injury, but I am still not silent when out and about. The other day when I mentioned the idea to the Nuns they said, "Please, not now, but how about when we go on retreat in January?"
We again reflected on our friend, and immediately I felt better. I'm able to quickly realize the good luck I have even with this injury that allows me to ‘get over it” in many ways easier than other people. It was all learned just like learning how to meditate and reflect on my actions. And unlearning is reconfiguring myself to access the core integrity I do have and have always had. With that comes the person I would like to be, naturally. I am constantly reassuring other people when confronted by my story, that, “Yes, you would do this the same way.” Try to find a positive outcome and pursue it, ...that is, once you get past the self-pity.