04 September, 2012

Here, I am NOT

I fell asleep in the afternoon, waking when my partner knocked at the door with dinner in hand, although he has keys. My dreams were crazy and I was disoriented( no pun, intended), working hard at trying to figure where I am. I was moving to open the door but the dreams had not quite subsided. The mind said you are awake now, but my subconscious was deeply attached to the dreams. The body was still asleep on the bed. It was not like waking after my coma, which is more like a fade-in. It just felt like I needed cold water splashed on my face. 

When the body settled in from the jet lag, I felt the distinct feeling that I never left when walking around. A whole lot has happened in the time I was away that helped to drop the torment I placed UPon myself. I capped “up” because it is felt as concrete mental doing that I unraveled some. When my partner quizzed me about why I looked younger this time. Even though I eat well, with green shakes in the morning, I replied, it is primarily meditation and yoga that facilitated a little bit more of letting go. This is turn, gives way to a bigger smile, and an overall relaxation in the body. Who knew a willingness to die could be so delightful? I look forward to my ten day Vipassana here so he can see the effects first hand upon returning and mind settling. We made shake and tapping our glasses together, saluting to our health.

The first day out, I was out in a store when two young men and I both approached a check out counter, and they stepped aside, to let me go ahead in line. I smiled and motioned go ahead, thinking that the kindness needs to rewarded on the spot. I am nothing. This Thai etiquette has a long history taught by parents to their children, that elders go first, in more ways than one. We have less time left.

1 comment:

spldbch said...

Respect for elders has long been a valued principle in America too, although I think it has been seriously eroded, like so many of our other values...

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