Playing with Tone

I was listening to Radio Lab, on musical language theory and I was brought back to the reason why most people will go “Huh?” when I say a simple word. Apparently most people hear words by the tone instead of he actual word. Which is the main reason that people don't understand me. I am trying to think how to warn people in advance. My problem on the phone, is when I attempt to warn them in advance they often hang up. I almost need a normal person to record a warning for to play on the phone first before I speak. I am not tone deaf, but the area in my brain that transfers the actual word on one side and moves to convert to tone is damaged. Also because I lost all feeling in the mouth area, and tongue, I am unable to teach the tongue with the brain how to perfect my speech. I listen to my speech, and self-correct by repeating it. I tried to delay speech with an appliance during my speech therapy to slow me down and it worked some. But my problem with slowing down spontaneous speech is that I forget my thoughts. I can do it while reading something that is easy. You know the old joke about walking and chewing gum? Well, that is me, now. I cannot walk and talk to people, and even friends get bothered when I stop them to say what I want to say. All these things we take for granted in life, now for me become a challenge. I wish I could somehow breakdown each problem and let them experience it for a second in order to get their understanding.

Big Things

The small things in life are something we quickly miss or forget. The big things are often a result of many small things. With sleep we can go to places we make up, in ways we can never do while we are awake. And while awake we can encounter unique coincidences we could only invent in our dreams. Today, I was listening to RadioLab on Zoos and Alan Rabinowitz was interviewed. He just so happens to be the same person who wrote the book I am currently reading(Beyond the Last Village). Listening to the interview I found out he is a compassionate person. Perhaps, it is because he had trouble talking as a boy, until he was discovered talking to his animals in the dark. He took this further to a career, once he learned to speak to people, working with nature and animals. I did not know this from the book, which I just started, and now it will take on greater meaning. I often wonder that once people who I meet get beyond my voice, does it become a small thing? For me it started me taking a hard look at being more compassionate. It was a weird coincidence that the most difficult thing I could ever dream of, was also the greatest gift I ever received.

Losing Heart

As a fan of RadioLab on Podcast, I proposed to them the idea of something that I have encountered. With the advent of personal computers, we are losing or ability to see someone’s intent or their soul(ie Heart). With my disability I get a wide range of responses to hearing my voice in person for the first time. I have no great visible signs, clear eyes, and clear face (meaning not red). Yet younger people, like those under 35, cannot see my intent, even when it as simple as ordering tea when at a café counter. Instead of trying to help me they actually “fight me” by assuming I am drunk, stupid, or insane. (see also June 28) I am generalizing, of course, but I use this to my advantage to find out who has a good heart. Those with a good heart almost immediately try to figure out how to understand and help me.
Now this idea goes as far as when people date, if they don’t read each other’s intent they are doomed trying to find a worthwhile relationship. They trip, fall, and get up like most yet find they fall in the same hole. I have been trying to answer people’s questions online, even meeting a few people to help, but it seems if they don’t have these skills already, then there is not much I can do.