Wisdom Blooming

With the work it takes on my mind, so I don’t end up being a grumpy old man ...I sometimes see my progress. This week one day, I went to yoga and arrived early to meditate a 40 minutes prior to the class starting. I had my eyes closed, so I did not see that my normal teacher was not present, and a substitute started class. This is how I usually come out of meditation, and hearing music I was unfamiliar with I knew it was another teacher. I assumed she was trying to get her IPOD list for class, but it was really what she was playing. The music was not a “death jam, ” but it was still did not go with yoga, actually fighting the relaxing flow normally associated with it. I tried to deal with it as best as possible, but with my brain injury could not figure out what was going on. It was bugging me, so I put on my own IPOD thinking that I could do it visually …but again too much input for my brain. I thought should I tell her the music sucks? I decided I would not, because it is arrogant and most likely someone else would. I looked around at several students that I know to see if they looked unhappy. I stopped doing yoga, and tried to just be still, but I was bothered. My eyes while closed were buzzing, showing me how much anger affects the body. I was doing my best not to get angry, but still? I am not happy? No, I thought. Or is just the wrong music? Yes, and it could easily be fixed by leaving. So I quietly put my shoes on and left, without making a scene or a face. The old me, would have walked up to her and told her the music is not appropriate. But not now, thinking of the other members of the class, they would have felt my vibe and it would have rubbed off on them. I would be spreading my anger and really it was just one hour, and I could do something else. So, I hopped on stairmaster until the class ended. Later three of my friends came up to me and said the music was awful, and they complained to the teacher. She said, “It is my playlist.” And one friend even went to the management and complained.
My friend later said, “You left.” I did not say to her that complaining does make one happy, but thought of it in relation to me. The process of letting go of trying to control the outside world is one I have to practice every day. I have to also reflect on my errors while in meditation, because I will forget often. But this one instance showed signs of anger slipping and wisdom’s potential.

Playing with Tone

I was listening to Radio Lab, on musical language theory and I was brought back to the reason why most people will go “Huh?” when I say a simple word. Apparently most people hear words by the tone instead of he actual word. Which is the main reason that people don't understand me. I am trying to think how to warn people in advance. My problem on the phone, is when I attempt to warn them in advance they often hang up. I almost need a normal person to record a warning for to play on the phone first before I speak. I am not tone deaf, but the area in my brain that transfers the actual word on one side and moves to convert to tone is damaged. Also because I lost all feeling in the mouth area, and tongue, I am unable to teach the tongue with the brain how to perfect my speech. I listen to my speech, and self-correct by repeating it. I tried to delay speech with an appliance during my speech therapy to slow me down and it worked some. But my problem with slowing down spontaneous speech is that I forget my thoughts. I can do it while reading something that is easy. You know the old joke about walking and chewing gum? Well, that is me, now. I cannot walk and talk to people, and even friends get bothered when I stop them to say what I want to say. All these things we take for granted in life, now for me become a challenge. I wish I could somehow breakdown each problem and let them experience it for a second in order to get their understanding.

Close and Yet So Far Away

I have been accompanying my friend while he shows another out-of-towner our city and area. In an effort to show the best, I have been on the lookout for the atmosphere that drew me here. What a great way to look through someone else’s eyes at the beauty we often take for granted. Helping to slow down time much like meditation does. With this, it puts aside the small inconveniences that seem to bother us and take the forefront in life. Finding Darshan Ambient’s music to listen to on long walks that I have done, because I have to do them while I can. I am well aware of how time flies, and the eventuality of our aging. Time is now, right at this very moment to be happy against all odds. Besides, why take the bus when you have good music?

The photo on the bottom does convey well how I have been feeling lately, I am riding the low valleys of life's cycles. But since I take no drugs, this to me is a natural state only to be followed be sunny peaks. Luckily, I have friends around me so I don't have time to be worried about this at all. One trip to volunteer on Monday at the hospital puts life in the proper perspective.

Create Simple Beauty

There is simple beauty in a lot of things in life. I sometimes take photos of things because of what they remind me of. Maybe a dream, a place I traveled or time spent with a loved one. Besides photos, smells and sounds or music can quickly change everything in our mind. We assemble our memories however we see fit at the moment. Do you remember the first time you smelled the rain on black top and what memories arise? Or that kiss from grandma when you arrived for the holidays? We can instantly create love, pain or disappointment. Sometimes, we find it way easier to assemble negatives, so to counteract this we need to remember that simple beauty….so what do you smell or hear when you see this photo?