Yoga Saved My Life

Surely, Yoga has played an important role in augmenting my meditation and integrating the body with the mind. It actually helped to balance my body, since I am completely numb on my left side. I have some motor nerves, but no sensory nerves. I may not have any regeneration of nerves, but I appear whole to the outside world, no longer favoring one side over the other. This is an interesting interview in three parts that reflects a similar view. Be sure to click through to next upload and enjoy.

In Reflection: Tossing Out Mental Unease

I’m on my 7th month of meditating a minimum of 30 minutes per day, and yesterday did 45 minutes at the gym before yoga. I have been meditating for years, but not as regularly as this in my life. I have moved way past being annoyed by people talking, banging weights, jump roping, etc near me. At first I would hone in on the disturbance, but months into this practice I realized that whatever happened, even mundane gossip near me was not worth my mind going there…it was all empty. I can easily get relaxed after quickly “downloading” any currents fears and worries. And after six months have been able to on many occasions getting to a place where my mind seems like a blank, black canvas seeing the space between thoughts or no thought. It has actually helped me in yoga, to synchronize my breathing in yoga, holding poses with a more relaxed breath. It also can laugh at myself more, and while sitting in front near a mirror laughed at this old guy(me) doing these poses. My mediation practice brought me closer to the others in the room, and allowed me to more connections and friends. I’m more consciously aware of others suffering, even being minor frustrations. In listening to their breathing, or sharing some common bonds with them.

After class, a fellow classmate and I bumped into each other in the locker-room, I joking made it more pronounced, and he turned around and gave me a hug. It was not at all sexual in nature, but much more just a friendly way of saying, You’re OK, and I don’t feel threatened by you. We have talked over the last three years, so we friendly in the gym and share a few friends in class. I do hope that as time goes on, and my practice gets deeper that I connect more with people in such a way. I have had more people come to me, or warm up to me since I have been meditating. A sign that I have reduced my self-concern, and worked out some of my mental unease kinks that would normally have shown up in body language. I become more and more aware of what was once a path to help myself is now allowing me to more beneficial to those around me. By quietly thinking about how I think and react to life, analyzing my mistakes and successes. Lately, what has become more profound is really how can anyone think that no one else suffers? From life’s little inconveniences to the grand question mark of our upcoming death…regardless of how much money they have.

Wisdom Blooming

With the work it takes on my mind, so I don’t end up being a grumpy old man ...I sometimes see my progress. This week one day, I went to yoga and arrived early to meditate a 40 minutes prior to the class starting. I had my eyes closed, so I did not see that my normal teacher was not present, and a substitute started class. This is how I usually come out of meditation, and hearing music I was unfamiliar with I knew it was another teacher. I assumed she was trying to get her IPOD list for class, but it was really what she was playing. The music was not a “death jam, ” but it was still did not go with yoga, actually fighting the relaxing flow normally associated with it. I tried to deal with it as best as possible, but with my brain injury could not figure out what was going on. It was bugging me, so I put on my own IPOD thinking that I could do it visually …but again too much input for my brain. I thought should I tell her the music sucks? I decided I would not, because it is arrogant and most likely someone else would. I looked around at several students that I know to see if they looked unhappy. I stopped doing yoga, and tried to just be still, but I was bothered. My eyes while closed were buzzing, showing me how much anger affects the body. I was doing my best not to get angry, but still? I am not happy? No, I thought. Or is just the wrong music? Yes, and it could easily be fixed by leaving. So I quietly put my shoes on and left, without making a scene or a face. The old me, would have walked up to her and told her the music is not appropriate. But not now, thinking of the other members of the class, they would have felt my vibe and it would have rubbed off on them. I would be spreading my anger and really it was just one hour, and I could do something else. So, I hopped on stairmaster until the class ended. Later three of my friends came up to me and said the music was awful, and they complained to the teacher. She said, “It is my playlist.” And one friend even went to the management and complained.
My friend later said, “You left.” I did not say to her that complaining does make one happy, but thought of it in relation to me. The process of letting go of trying to control the outside world is one I have to practice every day. I have to also reflect on my errors while in meditation, because I will forget often. But this one instance showed signs of anger slipping and wisdom’s potential.