08 April, 2009

In Reflection: Tossing Out Mental Unease

I’m on my 7th month of meditating a minimum of 30 minutes per day, and yesterday did 45 minutes at the gym before yoga. I have been meditating for years, but not as regularly as this in my life. I have moved way past being annoyed by people talking, banging weights, jump roping, etc near me. At first I would hone in on the disturbance, but months into this practice I realized that whatever happened, even mundane gossip near me was not worth my mind going there…it was all empty. I can easily get relaxed after quickly “downloading” any currents fears and worries. And after six months have been able to on many occasions getting to a place where my mind seems like a blank, black canvas seeing the space between thoughts or no thought. It has actually helped me in yoga, to synchronize my breathing in yoga, holding poses with a more relaxed breath. It also can laugh at myself more, and while sitting in front near a mirror laughed at this old guy(me) doing these poses. My mediation practice brought me closer to the others in the room, and allowed me to more connections and friends. I’m more consciously aware of others suffering, even being minor frustrations. In listening to their breathing, or sharing some common bonds with them.

After class, a fellow classmate and I bumped into each other in the locker-room, I joking made it more pronounced, and he turned around and gave me a hug. It was not at all sexual in nature, but much more just a friendly way of saying, You’re OK, and I don’t feel threatened by you. We have talked over the last three years, so we friendly in the gym and share a few friends in class. I do hope that as time goes on, and my practice gets deeper that I connect more with people in such a way. I have had more people come to me, or warm up to me since I have been meditating. A sign that I have reduced my self-concern, and worked out some of my mental unease kinks that would normally have shown up in body language. I become more and more aware of what was once a path to help myself is now allowing me to more beneficial to those around me. By quietly thinking about how I think and react to life, analyzing my mistakes and successes. Lately, what has become more profound is really how can anyone think that no one else suffers? From life’s little inconveniences to the grand question mark of our upcoming death…regardless of how much money they have.

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