The BRAIN test

I can comb my teeth, and brush my hair…all by myself. I really thought I was getting better. The other day, I was online shopping as the bots don’t care about my peetch paabuum. Hummph. So, Avatar really is what your dentist's scrapes off your teeth every year. I learn something new every time I am online. I was in between a porn site Amazing Tatas and Amazon and when I hit upon a brain test. FUN-FOR-MENTALS Search engines seem to speak a language unknown to me. I decided here is my chance to shine, 'cause god knows... nobody wants a brain test for xmas.

You know, the flashing symbols and colors kind. Fingers posed over the left and right arrows, I pushed START. Thinking maybe all this meditation will help me focus. YESSS(fist pump in the air) I’m off and running trying to make my momma proud. Whooped that sucker, and then waited for my score. Computing and computing, waiting for my easy A. Look at my fingernails in the meantime. Then shock and awww it comes back with 35.8% score. That is 35.8% percent of normal folks score. Whaaaa? So, I thought maybe that glass of wine with dinner slowed me down. Cracked my knuckles and sat up straight in my chair and I cranked it up again. Ready, Set, Go! I’m off and feeling like I got the feel of this test. Is it the shape or the color? Not any hard calculations involved, or mysterious lingo. It came back with 35.9%! I guess the learning curve is set high.

I slumped in my chair, poured another glass of wine. Geez, I am that brain dead, and all the nice things people say about have far I have come ...they must be talking about when I was a coma…duh! It is a god-damned miracle I can smile anyway, so forget all those brain tests. They are a distraction to keep you from noticing they raised your health care premium yet again. And you got better things to do like last minute shopping buzzed on 2 double peppermint lattes. So, I just want you to know that even when it all seems like a waste of time and it is so damn impossible to get that unique gift that says YOU…take a breath, stare at your nose and make sure you are still attached. Whew! Yes, you can still hold it altogether to say Happy Holidaze!

Waiting for the Right Time

It would be good if we could wait for things so casually. Hopefully, with a relaxed attitude we can accept each moment as it comes. This does not disturb our desires and goals, but allows free passage when the time is right. Meditation helps one to see where the mind travels quickly to what we like and dislike, running over our built-in relaxed peacefulness that rests dormant inside. I often will begin a meditation, with mind in hyper-mode of multiple thoughts jumping quickly one to the next. I first start to notice what I am doing. Next try to bring my focus to the breath, then sometimes sidetrack into another silly thought. If it becomes clear I am not focusing solely on breathing and just being in the moment I change the tactics. Instead of getting angry at myself, I just to make it my intention to change it each time to bring it back to the breath. If I still find it difficult, which happens when I have coffee or something is really bothering me. Then I will change my focus on wishing people in my life to be free from suffering, and envision myself taking their suffering away pulling it towards me like imaginary dark smoke. This works well with Type A people, which I am. You know we got to be busy! Propelling my thought train onto a positive track which leads my mind on a much more relaxed ride. Often times leading me back to my breathing naturally.