A Chinatown Stroll

I would venture to say I spend 80% of my time alone, not in some “woe is me, pathetic way,” but as a confident, curious and somewhat reflective state. I can go for hours looking for good light for a photograph, and this day I ran into a guy twice who was doing the same with a old Rolli camera, and the second time he waited for me to shoot and get out of the way for his shot. We shared a common goal, and yet we never spoke. I ran into two other people that day doing different things alone, one was a writer where I stopped for a drink, and a smoker…smoking his way into non-being. Or at least trying to. The woman with her child was more than happy to let me photograph the two of them, after her small son took a photo of me with her camera phone. That was cute and funny, making for a short bond of humanity between us.





I run into people who quickly figure out I no longer the tourist, as foreign as I am and try to bridge the gap. I am friendly and try to talk to people, not shy. I sometimes offer help to other tourists when asked or when it obvious that they are lost. We are lost in one way or another. Can we take being lost as an asset to spend carefully? Where everything we encounter is new, and should be savored. It can be a temporary way to get out of our body, separating our mind. Sometimes our feelings can not be described. So much life we really don’t know what is next, and we sometimes hold tightly to what we do have, presently. The familiar. We do this in an effort to stop change or fear of the unknown. This is the clinging delusion that Buddha spoke of. Meditation will help bring some positive wisdom to your unease.

Troll Crossing and Investing in Truth

This past weekend we spent time again with my partner’s close friend in Chinatown for all kinds of great food and a look at the dark market. He is a nice guy from Laos, and I can see why my partner likes him. He is positive and never moody. He has been over several times to eat and workout with us. So, when I finally took notice of his hands, I was shocked I did not see earlier. This is perhaps because he is so happy and positive. He is bigger than his hands, so as to speak. Anyway, his hands have severe enough rheumatism that they cannot bend correctly and are somewhat deformed. I asked why, and my partner said, “Because his parents were exposed to Agent Orange.

All from a country that is supposed to be developed(USA)." My partner is just acknowledging our part, but not confusing me with the cause. Some of the great maturity he possesses. He said further that his friend’s brother is worse off from the dioxin, and that his father has red bumps all over his body. This made me feel helpless, because I know the Vietnam war vets have been trying to expose this for years to help them get compensation and care from their exposure. All the more reason to know war affects a lot more than the supposed enemy. I still thank my father, for talking me in 9th grade and saying do not sign up for social security at school, that is how they find out to draft you. And if they do draft you, we are going to Canada. He was very much against this war, and any war.



I did get my partner to get a Tetanus shot, and this first Hepatitis A shot(next one in 6 months), which the Thai Dr said you don’t die from, but do you have B? He told him yes, and it should be in his chart. I had him do this shot years ago. I said Hep A and B are common in the developing world and he can’t afford exposure with his Thalassemia.

Two shots were enough for him, even though I have had four vaccinations in a day, before coming here last year. I am happy to pay to keep him healthy and on track for his masters.


Sunday night, we talk as we lay in bed talking about our collective history and the fact that is our longest lasting relationship for both of us. I tell him that he is my best investment, jokingly, but it is really the truth.

Dreams and Worries, Lucky Mak Mak

I have been trying as much as possible to get out of myself. You know the worry, the self-obsessed concern for ourselves? I spent Saturday doing things for others, going to lunch with my partner at one of his favorite places, buying him a better made shoulder bag for school knowing his last one fell apart in a year. While out and about we discussed his yearning for graduate school after he completes his bachelor’s degree at the end of this year. It was great to see him so enthusiastic, regardless of how hard these past two years have been with his crazy work schedule. Later in the day we in a joking mood and it carried for the afternoon during which I had some coffee while he had a shake. We returned to our place and knowing he was spent for the day, I left him to sleep and took off to shoot at night in Chinatown alone. I spent at least 5 hours shooting and walking, as it is hard to compose and focus when so much is interesting. If I can get 3 or 4 good photographs I feel accomplished. Towards the end of my shooting, I came upon a late night street sellers and food vendors, and found a great hand painted mug for my Buddhist teacher. Several times people would either shoe me away, or be curious and come watch me set-up and watch me shoot or offer to be in the shot. When I was feeling like my coffee from earlier was all spent, I grabbed a taxi back, to my awakened, smiling partner making sure I was ok.

That night I dreamt about an old friend who had come back to me after drinking poison in France to end his life to stay with me at my house, a true story. He has long since passed away, and it became more obvious why he came back to stay with me. In my dreams I looked at his life and loves, his parents never really loved him and nor his lovers . He was still bleeding out of mouth from the poison wounds when I saw him, and that I had to buy pillow covers special for his stay. His return was to the only love he once had, when we were together 10 years earlier even though he ended it abruptly back then. Now I realize you can’t love someone who doesn’t love themselves, and feel very fortunate to be with someone now who does with an eye on the future.