Like Clouds

I was in a local bar for a quick beer, and said hello to old man next me as he looked lonely. He said, “I am unlucky in love,” as a lady friend left. Then he proceeded to tell the bar back has pulled in as much $1600 a night at Bingo at a local high school. Playing for 3- 4 hours with 18 boards at a time, those numbers come fast. Wow, I said you are fast and lucky. But his problem was love, but does he spend 3-4 hours working on love or helping others? Who knows, but I doubt it.
What if I told you no one could help you? I am referring to my idea that everyone’s life is different. That is how you grew up, who loved you, who did not and what difficulties you encountered so far. Perhaps my idea of happiness is not yours? How did you approach problems you have had so far? I am curious. Did you see them as impossible to tackle? Where did you start? Maybe you stew on it for a while. Then you start to obsess or you avoid it entirely for a bit. This is providing it is not life threatening. In your mind you can make it worse or better. It is, far easier to go eat…just look all the fat Americans. They and a lot of people walk around with a cartoon bubble above their head full of problems weighing them down. Stop. Just look up in a sky full of clouds…changing, swirling, coming and going. Someone, somewhere has had worse things happen to them, and believe it or not...you are lucky. It sounds quite childish when you say, "But they are MY problems.' Are you going throw a tantrum or just figure it out?

Your problems no matter how severe they are, they just like those clouds. They will dissipate. All you have to do is look back at past problems that were resolved, which at the time they happened seemed like the worst that happened to you. Some of them did it on their own. Perhaps time helped or maybe you made firm decisions to move in the opposite direction of your problem. Or like me, had some tea and worked on someone else’s problems for a while and suddenly yours drifted away. Many of my problems were a necessary trial for me to be more wise. I see clearly once the clouds are gone.

Why Did I?

I ventured out, knowing a little Dharma never hurt me and perhaps they need help at temple. Even though I emailed earlier that I was going to stay home sick with a good winter cold. Now most smart people stay in bed on a cold night. I enjoyed the talk and meditation, reinforcing the need to work on my weak points. Missing my bus coming back, and thought it would be smarter to walk than to sit in the cold and wait. About a mile I came to a bus stop, I found a old man hanging on to newspaper racks, obviously having trouble. Nearby were at least 8 people and more walking by. At first I thought he was drunk and I am sure many others did too, but his desperation to hang on to stand up...spelled “help me”. It was the way he was trying(and his intention) and the way his hand got caught in the door. He wasn’t trying to get a paper, he was trying to just get vertical enough to stand. My heart went out immediately. He never said help, but he did need to go home on the bus, that I got it out of him when I approached and talked to him. It is funny how in these situations my speech problem does not get in the way. I saw in his bag he was trying to pick up from the ground contained breakfast cereal and an umbrella. I just let it unfold, being as clueless as the next person. So I helped the guy to get to the stop, then on to the bus, even to sit down. Then I rode with him, trying to ascertain how he makes it, and how the hell did he get there in the first place. He never complained, and mostly what he talked about was feeling sorry for all those people that lost their jobs with this economy. I thought he really needed help, and this was a new problem for him even though he was old. Asking him where his house is, he was alert enough(an obviously not a drunk), so I rode with him to stop near his house past my stop. He did not expect me nor ask because it really caught him off guard. I thought there is no way he will get home, from the bus stop in this condition. He said thanks, we talked about where I live and what music he liked…jazz. I told him I have seen Ella and Sarah decades before when I was a “kid”. He said, “Saw Billie Holiday, and what a voice she had!” Expressing to him, that I could see me in the same place he is, and needing some help. He replied, “Age, creeps up on you fast!”
I felt bad for him while walking alongside him in slow pace, because it was very difficult on him. I supported him as much as he would let me. He was trying to rush to the safety of his own home, obviously. I carried his bag and his arm...carrying most of his weight up to his apt and unlocked his apt building main door that was even for me a difficult heavy door. Thinking he would never make to his room, and collapse in the lobby, so I came in, practically carrying him up two sets of stairs, unlocked his apt with him and led him all the way to his bed. He was very winded, but so was I. He was drooling, his heart racing from trying to make it home, but still ok enough to say, “I don't need help," or don't call anyone for him. I put his pillow under his head, unzipped his coat, got some tissue for his face, and asked him if he wanted water(although water after a stroke is not a good idea). As I took off his hat and laid his head on the pillow, there was a small fresh blood stain. I also asked him if he wanted me to call his lady friend or god daughter he spoke of on the way home. He replied, "No, god bless you and take a pen." Looking around a an apartment looking very spare, I guess it was the only thing he had that he could give away and I was touched. But knowing the weakness and the drooling were quite possibly a sign of a stroke, or head injury, I moved the phone close to him, so he could call, but I just not did feel right leaving him there. Even though he would probably want to die at home. It did not seem he was thinking of dying just yet, maybe his fear of hospitals or his financial status told him to say he was fine.
Walked out, towards home still not feeling good about this. So even before getting home, I called the police while walking and had them come to see me to explain the situation arriving at my home as I walked up. They proceeded to his home after seeing me. Why did I see him and others nearby did not? There were quite a few people walking by him, like I was. Perhaps this is one of the many reasons why I survived my near death to come to help him and others.

The Light is On, and This Time Someone is Home!

In process of living with a broken computer, and doing everything in my power to not let it bother me. If it stopped working, I would try to do something else, until I was able to ascertain the cause. I even bumped up my meditation practice, and tried to smile more often to more people or help them. I was trying to keep the repairs reasonable, so that happened to hurt me in time. But how can one see the future? On one hand not turning it over to Apple to repair, cost me a week without it. My alternative was to give it to a local repair shop with a great reputation. Who would know it would not repeat the same error and sleep a lot for them? I just laughed. In the one day it was ok, I was able to run a disc repair program quickly before it failed that told me what was the error code that caused this, which jived with what the help at Apple genius bar had said. So I took it back to the same place after emailing him my results. I kept the emails cordial, trying to hide my frustration. Then they, lucky for me, replaced the part and did not charge me the labor, since I paid the first visit when it was never fixed. I maintained my cool, because this whole process took me over a month without full use of it. I really have to praise them for being honest and fair which sadly is now a rarity in the U.S. That really is the point of telling you the boring details, as well as to remind myself. By being cool headed and trying to understand both sides, I actually ended up happier by not getting upset about things you can’t control. These are a just a few of great things that happen when you change your mind. It is not so much a religion but more a practical way to live your life. My idea is to hopefully become that wise soul that people come to for help and ideas, and to die peacefully not holding on to my existence in this body. I will only expose them to the Dharma …nothing new.