A Near Death Re-Examination

It has many years since my near death experience, and it’s now going 12 years of a spiritual path of slow change and with this I have some insights. As I recalled in my first post on this blog, I now know it wasn’t really “me” who left my body: feeling no pain, sensing no worries, and no connection with my life in my body…it was my consciousness or awareness. That is why there was no pain and no memory of life connected to my body as it tried to merge into universal consciousness or love. This was the “light source” seen as a target to move towards, often feels like warm hands beckoning you closer to the light. So this gives me the idea that “we” will all meet again, in our awareness upon death, but without any of investment in our respective personalities. If I settle down a little more into awareness with daily practice, I can start letting go and the wisdom eases in my being, naturally. A little doing is involved in the form of bringing myself constantly back to awareness, when my personality/ego notices and makes a move to be seen. We know after a years in our personality we know where this leads us. Into past or future, two imaginary places far from presence.

A Real Experience of No Separation

Those that know me also know I had a near death experience and left my body and was happy to keep going....no pain, no memories(people and events), when a nurse noticed my eyes roll back while doing an emergency CT scan, and intubated me while calling my name to come back.

Anita was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and doctors told her family she was just hours away from death. It was at this point that she "crossed over" and then returned again into this world with a clearer understanding of her life and purpose on earth. This understanding subsequently led to a total recovery of her health.

Anita was born in Singapore of Indian parents, moved to Hong Kong at the age of two, and has lived in Hong Kong most of her life. Because of her background and British education, she is multi lingual and, from the age of two, grew up speaking English, Cantonese and two Indian dialects simultaneously, and later learned French at school.

She had been working in the corporate field for many years before being diagnosed with cancer in April of 2002. Her fascinating and moving near-death experience in early 2006 has tremendously changed her perspective on life. Her work is now ingrained with the depths and insights she gained while in the other realm. She works on the premise that our inner world (consciousness) is our primary reality, and if our internal state is healthy and strong, then our external world will align itself and fall into place as a result.

She is the embodiment of the truth that we all have the inner power and wisdom to overcome even life's most adverse situations, as she is the living proof of this possibility.

— Batgap.com

Moving out of Body: a quick trip.

Seeing an overseas Dr. is always is a gamble, but here I was in his office discussing “our” non-surgical approach. I relaxed immediately, sensing a caring soul who saw my point. He assessed with pressure and movement where exactly my problem lie. Shortly, after an in depth conversation he had me lie down to do deep needle therapy on my shoulder joint. My guess is it brings blood flow to the joint capsule, thus helping to heal the muscles that are inflamed that attach. Of course a few times he hit right on target, but since these are acupuncture needles they rarely hurt. I was relaxed with the trust I had in this stranger, and I left my body! It wasn’t a quick nap, as I was conscious nor a pain response because it was not that painful. When he asked how I am is very particular way, I think that he sensed I was not in the room, then I came back into my body. The only way I know this is from my near death experience and some rare instances in meditation. I was pleasantly shocked and wanted to talk to him right then about it and we finished up the needles I let it go. I left after making a follow-up physical therapy appointment.


Later that day, in the evening while in bed, I came to realize that my partner is enlightened. A new revelation based on the way he deals with me. Knowing that my nature tries to figure out the best by exploring every option, like for instance, finding a condo this trip that is good for him and me. His nature is never to get too excited about any one thing. So, when I continued to look for a better place thinking he wasn’t too impressed about this place, more like matter of fact, he just stood back and did not argue. He is very aware after 10 years together, it is my nature. There was not a need to make this into any disagreement, and it moved smoothly into me agreeing and settling here. All this was not a subtle power play, it was his innate intelligence or perhaps our previous life connection, as I had found the place in the first place. He has some qualities of enlightenment from knowing how people are. I am probably not explaining this well, but it did give even more appreciation for his being. How this ties into my out of body experience you might ask? It is that once we lose our body consciousness we naturally move towards compassion. Finding out... we are the other.

Help or Hinderance?

I bring this subject up to remind myself one of the many errors I possess. Oftentimes, we or I should say, I offer help to others when they don’t really want it when they engage us only as an ear. Friends rarely say, 'What should I do?" They might imply that, once told of their problem, knowing you would chirp in your fix. But trying to fix someone without walking in their shoes is damn near impossible. Silence comes in handy, being there to listen and be concerned. I know I have to quit trying to “fix others,” if only to acknowledge that my way is not always right. I can instead say, when asked, what I would do. Personally, for myself, but it can never replicate their particular conundrum. My near death brought me closer to being human, and actually further away from god status. That is where Buddha’s teachings can answer anyone’s questions about the frailties of life much better than I can. It comes with introspection as to why we act as we do, holding so close that “I” that is us and makes us feel so different from others. Photographed here is Avalokiteshvara, the embodiment of the compassion of all the Buddhas, whos thousand arms reach out to aid all the sentient beings sufferings.

A Natural End

I heard a teaching I have heard several times by different teachers on love, attachment and delusions last night. In the teaching he asked, “What happens in every long term relationship?” The first person who answered said, “Boredom”, the second person in the room said, “Death” which is the correct answer. Now I have meditated on my death and death alone, and heard a lot of dharma talks, but this is the first one where a very important point came into my mind. No matter what believe about reincarnation or heaven, death is the ultimate change one experiences. That means that every other change we experience including watching our bodies fall apart as we age pales in comparison. The Ahh-hah moment happened last night, the real hard fact that will propel me hopefully into accepting all other change. That simple, important fact will lessen our need to feel like we are suffering the change of say, a relationship breaking up or someone is late. If we remember the change of death, and embrace the change of everyday experience we will find patience slowly will become our natural wisdom.

Our Flight

I am hoping the tragic bridge collapse in Minneapolis, might help to bring people here a little more down to earth. We constantly ignore our own booked flight with death, even going as far as hiding this fact in the USA. But it is so freeing and good for the development of our soul. Just a slight shift in our awareness about this will make us better people. We will become a slight bit less critical, more openhearted and thus happier. I am not focusing on the negative, but in turn being more realistic with the hopes that I will mature some with my age. A death here is as important as a death anywhere in the world. Everyone in the world is connected by a common want of happiness and need of others. Awareness is a first step, and with growth we will become more understanding. I have faith…faith in others.

No Black Hole Here

I am a realist, and so I was not too surprised when watching a show on PBS called Supernatural Science (Between Life and Death #104)) about near death experiences. They have proven that the feelings described like the tunnel with light at the end, and leaving your body are brain-orchestrated phenomena. I have suspected this even after having experienced it. I left my body and traveled near the ceiling and was traveling down the hall at the hospital when a nurse called me back to my body. It seems that the brain while in anoxia will be shutting down some items like pain while it develops this imaginary way to deal with an extremely difficult and stressful time. So maybe the Buddhist continuum of spirit may not be the parts of you left to seek attachment in a new life, but in fact, those remnants of you already left in your children or family. Your memories, your ideas, and your life force left to them to be accessed long after you are dead. Now, this is of course, my deduction. Take my idea with a grain of salt, but rest assured your brain will at the very minimum, work hard to overcome the stress of dying. So I will die happy, because what I saw was comforting and even warm. Regardless, this last fact follows quite nicely into the Buddhist teaching of rebirth.

a new beginning

A jump start for you all. I had a simple cosmetic surgery go horribly wrong. That combined with an anesthesiologist who was high and a negligent doctor in a clinic setting who allowed me to seizure. In a post-surgery nightmare, the anesthesiologist napped or watched TV all night and the doctor left to go home. Ten hours of being trapped in my own body in a traumatic state going in and out of consciousness, someone got the great idea( I heard phone calls between the doctor and anesthesiologist) to wheel me to ICU, luckily across the street. At that point I heard a nurse say to the anesthesiologist…“What the hell did you do to this guy?” While being intubated, I passed out again. Waking somewhat when the nurse was doing CT brain scans at which point, I left my body and traveled high above near the ceiling and was half-way down the hall. The nurse, saw my eyes roll back in my head, and called my name to make me come back to my body. I slipped into a coma, to awake in a little over a week later, to a shocked family and partner staring in a very concerned manner. I checked in enough with what brain I had left to know that I have to work on making them feel better. The doctors told my family to prepare for my death, or if I survived, I would not be able to eat, walk, or talk. No one told me how bad it was. Six weeks later, I hobbled out of the hospital, speechless and with a stomach tube. Thanks to the love of my family and partner.

Along with this journey, I had come the realization that I needed to change to hasten the healing process and it all helped to launch me on a dhamma path. One cannot really fully heal until you take responsibility for your life and not blame others.  And this came after falling down in the years after, stumbling on my anger. Part, out of a normal effects after brain damage, and part of my conditioning as a child.  It was a much needed gift, and I would not go back to my successes and my ‘complete’ brain of the past. It was a waste...I was not really conscious, anyway. I never wanted to be pathetic person, yet was projecting this, for awhile. In the years that have past, much of what I thought I was burned off as I slowly leaned towards wisdom. Rewarded in small doses, as I learned more, I could see more. Now, hopefully I can inspire others.