Is That All There Is?

While having a friend over for breakfast, we were discussing the formation of our concrete acknowledgement of our impending death. Joking about it we sometimes feel that the Peggy Lee song, Is That All There Is? will suddenly come to our last conscious thought. But jokes aside, the self-awareness we have with age is also very comforting. One has enough personal history to fall back on to make hopefully better decisions. And if we make bad decisions we can laugh at ourselves easier.
When you are young, you sense what is behind you feels like jello. So you rush towards the future, in the hopes of finding that elusive happiness, thinking that is out there. We were never schooled on our own minds and how they work. That happiness lies within each of us. If we started kids with meditation, they would develop clearer minds and find no need to look beyond for external happiness. It can’t be found in things, jobs, cars, clothing, or techie gadgets. It was a surprise to me coming from advertising who’s whole premise is that we have something you want. It looks like happiness, it feels like happiness and even smells like happiness but once you get said thing it quickly becomes old or worn and leaves you back were you started. I knew back when I did advertising, there were some things I would never buy, yet would hard at getting others to buy. I slowly became aware to myself that I am selling my soul, if I really had one at that point. I may have been developing my soul, amassing enough personal history to make a better decision but still without finding happiness. Personal transformations happen when one is ready mentally. I tried a lot of external ideas of happiness, and they never quite seemed to work. Years ago, when I awoke from my coma, I saw the worried faces of my partner and family staring at me. That gave me enough strength in absolutely the most difficult circumstances I had ever known up to that date. And now, years later, I am aware that it was my first idea that doing things for others is way better than doing it solely for yourself. The power it gave me to heal for them far exceeded any power I had ever had previously.

What Do We Get Out Of It?

While shopping today at a grocery store, I saw a women walking up just behind me going for a cart outside the store. I grabbed one for her and pushed it to her, before I got mine, even though I was there before her. She took it, with a small surprised look on her face, but still did not say thank you. I watched my mind at work. Did I do this only for a thank you, instead of being a good thing to do by thinking of others? How often do we do things expecting something in return? Even if it is for a simple Thank you, then we still are doing things with heavy dose of me in the equation. I am trying to mature and look at every motivation, not obsessively, just wisely. If I am to be looked to for wisdom… I had better figure this all out in every detail.

We are, in our core being; beautiful, kind and loving souls, and somehow in growing up, with a few disappointments we throw it all away. Just look at children, you can just see the natural beauty unspoiled at times. I walked out of my garage the other day, and I saw 5 kids and two mothers talking and walking towards me. The first thing a five year old boy said to me was, “Happy New Year!” I was surprised but also touched by his smile, joy and real honesty. It was evident looking at the whole troupe they were all adopted by the two Moms and we all very happy. Looking around someone had left a cool silver headdress high up on a light pole after New Years Eve, and asked the boy if he would like it. So I climbed up the pole and grabbed it and gave to him. The rest said, "Put it on your head", but it was larger than his head, so he put it around his neck and they took off laughing and saying thanks.