Full Moon Rising

After taking two nuns to speak at a very cute Quaker House in San Jose, I felt the love that was inside the building. I don’t know if it was from the members we were present last night or from the residuals from the building. But it gave me a good feeling to mediate there. It was also nice to see people talk to the nuns after their dhamma talk, conveying interest. I really think the monastics are an important part of learning the dhamma. For without them you cannot see how far understanding your mind can go. It is not necessary to go as far, but you can at least have deep appreciation for the clarity they can provide lay people.

This is only proves a full moon was rising....I was in the gym going to yoga, walked in and put my mat down in the exercise room, and walked out into the main room to do ab work, which I finished and walked back to sit down on my mat to meditate. Two minutes into it, a woman walked up to me, and put her purse down. I looked at her, and she pulled up the leg of her pants and accused me of causing a bump on her leg. I don’t what she is talking about or where that was supposed to have happened??? Realizing that she is someone I have seen and figured out that she is not too well, I think to myself, “why do I deserve this?” She makes a comment about me having a cell phone, and I say it is allowed. She walks away, and I think, should I go complain to the management? I settled in meditation, but agitated. Yoga starts and I am motioned to leave to talk to the management. The man is apologetic, and asks me some questions related to her accusations. I tell him I think she is crazy, and he replies paranoid schizophrenic. I tell him why does this happen to me? Because, I have a schizophrenic sister? Oh, well. I go back into class and less than 10 minutes, the yoga teacher, taps me to look outside the glass and I see a policeman standing with the manager motioning me to leave class. I walk out calmly. They both apologize and understand this is someone we have to deal with when healthcare is so poor and non-existent. I answer any questions they have about the situation and what contact I had with her. Then I leave and finish my yoga class. The teacher, who I like, asks me, “Is everything all right?” I tell her about what happened and about having a schizophrenic sister. I figured out that she fixated on the light yellow t-shirt I was wearing saying, “GOOD VIBES” and that is was exactly the same color as her pants. The teacher and another friend from class sat and talked about her pregnancy and life and it all passed. They did not kick her out and she continued on the exercise machine as that would solve nothing with a schizophrenic.

Undertow, Courage to Love

Love sometimes gives us courage to be ourselves

....and may take a ghost to do so!

Learn from Natural Sources

Recently, I have witnessed two people in my life who have let go of something significant in their life. Visually they appear happier and more at ease, and it does not seem to be simple short term happiness. I now feel I have concrete examples, of what it looks like, and their good feelings rub off on me. Hopefully, I will start to realize my ego’s strong hold on my happiness. The inability to see things as the really are, and not to fight them. That will be my key with which to open my own door.

One person who seemed to have let go of something… was one of the Nuns, after she returned from a retreat. I even told her of lightness of being is a great teaching by example. She thanked me for noticing, yet I said, "I do not need to know what it is that you let go of." It is apparent here and now.

The other person is my seeker friend who only has a backpack and a true determination to be on this path. At times, he questions whether he should pursue only this path or get back in the rat race. Over the past year I have watched him, with the help of meditation, become happier and happier. I tell him that it is quite obvious that your path has brought many rewards, so lay your questions to rest. I look forward to the next time I see him, as he always has new sources for his inspiration. My introduction to Nisaragadatta was from him.

I am trying to not “become” them, for I cannot do that. I am me with my own set of karma awakenings, but I can certainly use them for inspiration of what is possible, right now.

Something prevents you from seeing that there is nothing you need. Find it out and see its falseness. It is like having swallowed some poison and suffering from unquenchable craving for water. Instead of drinking beyond all measure, why not eliminate the poison and be free of this burning thirst? The sense "I am a person in time and space" is the poison. In a way, time itself is the poison. In time all things come to an end and new are born, to be devoured in their turn. Do not identify yourself with time, do not ask anxiously "what next, what next?" Step out of time and see it devour the world. Say: "Well, it is in the nature of time to put an end to everything. Let it be. It does not concern me. I am not combustible, nor do I need to collect fuel."

— Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

For Billy Lucas

From someone who managed to keep it together with daily "fag" taunts in school. I am sorry this was too much and help was not there when you needed it. Billy Lucas dead at 15, please send prayers for his parents. Thanks to Jason Chu for his honesty and help with "It Gets Better."

http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/

Blog or Meditate?

After taking a weekend off the computer and phone, I have come to ponder the high value of this path. Should I sell my home purely on the basis that the more time I meditate and work dhamma's understanding of life I am happier? I am spending a lot of time fixing and paying for things on my house. When my seeker friend, who has virtually nothing, is in town I get excited when I can see how meditation and devotion to his path is making him happier and lighter. I know for myself this is true but to witness this in my friend and others only points to make life simpler. Am I trying to live life by what I "should do," vs the truth of what I have experienced?

Good Intentions Align

After a long stressful day, I might want to catch up on sleep with a nap. I ate dinner quickly, with the deep-seated wish to sit and hear a dhamma talk. I need those naps, to let my brain recover. Busy all day with fixing my house, just to keep it together, sadly not some glamorous project. More headaches, about other items that need to be done, unveiling themselves in the process on doing the first thing. I have to constantly watch my thinking mind and notice if I feel overwhelmed and desiring to gather up more fictitious worry. Let’s take an unpleasant feeling and ramp it up some to make it totally insurmountable! All of a sudden I want a tiny rental apt, and be working on reading instead of fixing.

So, I finally decide to let go, I have done enough in this day, and you know there will always be more undone in life. I really have to let it go from using it as a gage to feel accomplished and then hopefully happy. Postponing happiness until one thing or another is done. Jeez, that really is a stupid way to lead life. Happiness can be all the time when you accept life as it is. Good or difficult.

I laid down on my couch and looked a my view, closed my eyes for a second or two, but knew the Vihara’s prayers and sit start at 7:30. Thinking, I am tired and should just stay home. This swirled over my tongue like a nice glass of wine. Then I just bolted up and got quickly ready to go as time was approaching. At my core was the knowledge that this path has provided real understanding and wisdom one does not get from a nap. So I gulped some black tea and took off. On the drive there, out of the blue, had memory stick flash about my friend who is much appreciated. No reason for this to come up, but it did generate a fast tear. I mentally said thanks for him and carried on, arriving a bit late. All the cushions were taken and a fellow sangha member quietly gave me one of hers.

I did not want to make too much noise, but not telling her I can do without. So, I just took the cushion with a smile and sat. In meditation, I contemplated the importance of sangha, and her kindness. Relaxing with a smile on my face, but later when I heard her move in discomfort, I quietly took the cushion out and passed back to her. No words said.

Buddha-Dhamma-Sangha....X-LARGE

Buddham saranam gacchami
(I go to the Buddha for refuge)
Dhammam saranam gacchami
(I go to the Dhamma for refuge)
Sangham saranam gacchami
(I go to the Sangha for refuge)





"Taking refuge in Dhamma is taking another safe refuge. It is not taking refuge in philosophy or intellectual concepts, in theories, in ideas, in doctrines or beliefs of any sort. It is not taking refuge in a belief in Dhamma, or a belief in God or in some kind of force in outer space or something beyond or something separate, something that we have to find sometime later. The descriptions of the Dhamma keep us in the present, in the here and now, unbound by time. Taking refuge is an immediate, immanent reflection in the mind, it is not just repeating 'Dhammam saranam gacchami' like a parrot, thinking 'Buddhists say this so I have to say it'. We turn towards the Dhamma, we are aware now, take refuge in Dhamma, now as an immediate action, an immediate reflection of being the Dhamma, being that very truth.







Because our conceiving mind tends always to delude us it takes us into becoming. We think 'I'll practise meditation so that I'll become enlightened in the future. I will take the Three Refuges in order to become a Buddhist. I want to become wise. I want to get away from suffering and ignorance and become something else.' This is the conceiving mind, the desire mind, the mind that always deludes us. Rather than constantly thinking in terms of becoming something we take refuge in being Dhamma in the present. "— Ajahn Sumedho