21 February, 2008
Few things are as great as when a friend or family member say they miss you. That gives you something concrete to hold to in your mind. Not that my value is solely determined by someone wanting me. I still am needed to help others in any way I can. I heard a Buddhist teaching on pride and reflected on how we often regard ourselves as being more clever than others. This only helps to further divide us and others and ultimately leads to less compassion. Of course, at first I thought I was not full of pride. But upon closer inspection and the more in depth the teaching was, I found I do have pride. So it is something more to work on …on my path. One good quote that will stick with me, “Nothing ever positive comes from dwelling on our own good qualities and others’ faults.
18 February, 2008
I have been shooting more with hopes of learning more while I am short of work. When I shoot something when I find it interesting, sometimes things I don’t really fancy I try to find the beauty. I want to take this over to my own life, as there are things that happen way beyond your control and you have to make the best of them. If you are wise you make do, and try not to dwell on the bad by making the positive shine greater. We do have the freedom to change how we see things, perhaps as a stepping stone, or even a learning experience. I do wish I had the financial freedom to help others more than I do. I have been thinking about how I might help young gays develop more positive attitude of themselves instead of getting into risky sexual behavior to find love. If one learns to love themself, they are less likely to make bad decisions. I do have both real good and bad decisions in my past to share with them, now it is just a matter of how to communicate with a disabled voice. I did help college age “kids” back before my injury with small controlled events to discuss the risk of AIDS. But now, will they listen? Or just focus on my weird speech? Meanwhile, I help people at the hospital. So I am not all talk.
07 February, 2008
I know that my old photographs of people, especially my friends and ex-lovers are stored in boxes. The idea, I guess, was to save them for when I am old so I could look at them and stroke those memories. It is coming to my mind that it would be more realistic to give them to the people who are in them. I have done that with one friend. Holding on to them does not give me any more spiritual connection to them. But, deep down maybe that is why I still hold to them? Even if they are still my friends, they are not same person when the photo was taken. Nor am I. It would free me from holding on to the past and make some moves I need to.
06 February, 2008
I have been reflective, cleaning my house to new music I bought. In addition helping at my temple, and painting for them. I got to brighten up the entry, using colors I found on one of our Buddhist books. This helps to keep the look consistent and upbeat. I have managed also to meditate and see friends and exercise. I am trying to plan a trip that will give more to write about and to photograph. I often hear similar Buddhist teachings over the years, and most often I take something new out of every one. I really enjoy when I hear someone say to our teacher that this lesson was just made for them at this moment. Meaning that it rang true, and helped them cope in a difficult time. When I see them deep in conversation I brought them both tea, and made myself scarce.
Meanwhile, I have to keep my cool during the election cycle and praying for a good change. Involved enough to help, but not so much to lessen my anger quotient. My windows have Obama posters on them, in the hope that some real change is happening after 8 years of Bush lies.