Silence Falls Underwater

My silent idea fell apart when I got sick last week. My roommate was kind enough to give some OTC drugs to help that he had, and I felt very selfish not talking right then. I had to write it instead. Then I took the antibiotics that the Dr. gave me last Thursday night, and by Friday I had no appetite they were that strong. On Saturday, I was so delirious, made some food and took one pill and then had waves of nausea so strong I thought this is the end. I lay in bed yawning and feeling poisoned, and suddenly felt compassion for all the chemotherapy patients. If this is what they have to deal with, it is bold statement about the desire for life. By the evening, I figured out that most of my symptoms were caused by the drug rather than my winter lung infection, so I stopped the drug.

This morning a friend woke me, who just happened to be shopping to ask me if I need anything. Again my silence idea fell apart when he came by with food and some dark chocolate and saved the day. The soup he brought energized me, and we talked for two hours. It quickly became obvious that I need others and the importance of connection. I thought about my silent idea, and felt compassion for the deaf assistant at my gym. He can’t hear or speak much, and we often say hello by recognition and a thumbs up signal. I have brought him his favorite drink when he is busy working on the fitness machines, because I am observant enough. I try to interact with the staff that most ignore. Right now as I lay in bed trying to get better, know this human journey for me is probably not silent just more mindful. I do have the heart felt desire to cut down on my negative speech in whatever forms it takes.

Thanks to Jason DeCaires Taylor, who's brilliant work is shown here.

Using Mindfulness with Decisions

I finished reading How We Decide, by Jonah Lehrer, in which he illustrates his points by telling a few good stories packed with facts. It's fun interesting reading and reminds me of the old magazine Popular Science. The following excerpt from the book's conclusion begins to sound very similar to what Buddha taught about being self-aware and discovering the mindfulness that can come out of meditation.


“The emotional brain is especially useful at helping us make hard decisions. Its massive computational power—its ability to process millions of bits of data in parallel—ensures that you can analyze all the relevant information when assessing alternatives. Mysteries are broken down into manageable chunks, which are then translated into practical feelings. The reason these emotions are so intelligent is that they’ve managed to turn mistakes into educational events. …THINK ABOUT THINKING…The best way to make sure that you are using your brain properly is to study your brain at work, to listen to the argument in your head.”

So, if thoughts are where we have to look to...to make good decisions, then he is talking about mindfulness of thoughts. What better a way to examine your thoughts than meditation? And you don’t have to be Buddhist. Anyone can do this with practice… it’s just like riding a bike. You can make better decisions when you start to spend some time with your brain.



Sometimes people think the point of meditation is to stop thinking – to have a silent mind. This does happen occasionally, but it is not necessarily the point of meditation. Thoughts are an important part of life, and mindfulness practice is not supposed to be a struggle against them. We can benefit more by being friends with our thoughts than by regarding them as unfortunate distractions. In mindfulness, we are not stopping thoughts as much as overcoming any preoccupation we have with them.
However, mindfulness is not thinking about things, either. It is a non-discursive observation of our life in all its aspects. In those moments when thinking predominates, mindfulness is the clear and silent awareness that we are thinking. A piece of advice I found helpful and relaxing was when someone said, “For the purpose of meditation, nothing is particularly worth thinking about.” Thoughts can come and go as they wish, and the meditator does not need to become involved with them. We are not interested in engaging in the content of our thoughts. Mindfulness of thinking is simply recognizing that we are thinking.
—Gil Fronsdal, Mindfulness of Thoughts

Right Now or Not

I know I often live for the future even if it is only an hour ahead of now. In may be brought about from being apart from my partner while he is doing his Masters. Perhaps, I think we are avoiding the pain of seeing what is right now at this very moment. I call it, the uneasiness of being me. When meditating I find it much easier to relax into acceptance. I am not going anywhere, becomes very real as soon as I fold my legs. But I am aware there are so many things I should be doing and am not that brings the unease right up front and center. I have heard in the past that whenever you hear the word should brought up…mindfulness is not present. But luckily for me with this should does not come with too much judgment, unless I find myself fixating on things and people I don’t like. I am slowly learning about myself. Today, I took the bull by the horns by doing good things for 3 others in my life… spontaneous, kind and not done to get attention, more to lessen the focus on me and my current mental state. It sure beats finding things wrong with others. Remembering that we plant the seeds of our rebirth in the minds of others. Right now and very present.

Aligning Your Mind

I like these iron ware storefronts, as you can never fake this display. It reminds me of when I was a kid and going into my father’s garage full of iron, copper and brass rods, along with the smell. He had these pieces cut for wielding for making his sculptures. That combined with apprenticing with a blacksmith when young and dumb, until I got sick of the horse hooves smell when you trim them. Later, delivering parts to body shops while I was going to school, the wielding smell is burnt into my memory. So every time I encounter it, like someone’s cologne, it brings back floods of memories.


Distinct and also foggy until you decide which you like to align with, at that particular moment. Now, for the owner of this shop the memories contained are totally different, yet he sees the same thing I do. That is where perception comes into play. Our perceiving eye can spin two totally different meanings to anything we see depending on how we feel. That is why to one person a rainy day is depressing and to another a day to reflect and settle down. I am trying to examine my moods before I attach them to any one particular event: seeing, smelling, tasting, feeling as a method to bring more mindfulness into my life.

We really think we have control over our life and in certain instances we may, but we really, in general we don’t. From aging, to losing a family member or close friend. What we do have control over is how we think about those same things that happen in our life, good or bad. That is where perception comes into play and mindfulness for me becomes even more important.

Not Really a Conclusion

I am sitting here, in regular lay person’s clothes, and trying to pull out an impression quickly which is damn near impossible. But put it this way, I really don't want to leave. There is pervading peace here, it doesn't seem necessary to tell the whole story.
There are many posts, to go back and add in, as time was precious. It makes me happy to hear that the originator of this concept will take the robes, to get a feel for it. Hopefully, watching people change going through this made a great impression. I think it has finally hit him how lucky he is to be associated with a great wise person.
First, I have to say that the atmosphere comes from the top and that would be Dr. Aphisit who inspires all with loving kindness. He doesn’t even get firm in any way, and things get done by the novices, and it never seems to be a difficult chore. He will let them have time off to play and rest when it is too hot. My last night and I watched the novices at play, combining work with it, and no one got cross. Guiding others with wisdom, calmness and respect. He made a great example of where I am trying to head in this lifetime.



On Friday, I went to go arrange for a time to talk to him, and he said, “Quickly, go pack a small bag and take alms bowl, I think this is rare opportunity to go (in robes) to a Dhamma camp in Mae ai.” He drove us there. So, both of us went arriving before lunch, after stopping a near-by temple. We ran into a ex-german monk who made it clear to the other guy with me, it was not proper to carry money in a pouch around his neck. I was happy that I was not the critical one in this instance. It has been a work in progress just dealing with the other participant in this program and now I will have to room with him for a night and share a towel. Later, he had to wake up and turn on the light like seven times to write his dreams down and they were not really that profound. I think this all done for me to accept all that comes to me. If I am lucky I can take this difficult experience and use as a base with my old age that seems to be creeping in fast.

While there, the Dr got a call to go back to his Wat because equipment arrived to trim some trees. So his driver friend, took us up to the “camp.” Just below Wat Tha Ton, sat a lodge with great view of a river, hills, and Wats, and Buddha images nestled in a nearly Shangri La layout missing the snowy peaks. We met the monks and novices attending this event, and I have never seen so many smiles. We ate lunch, served by people in white who had take the precepts. I watched in shock when the other “farang,” jumped into his food before prayers. But no one made any notice, and this went on for the whole time we were there. These were totally accepting and non-judgmental monks, with some more wisdom that can hopefully rub off on me. We did sitting, walking and laying meditation, and learn to practice mindfulness in each with a great demonstration on prostrating very slowly. On break we walked to the top of Wat Tha Ton, marveling at our great luck.
The following day, Saturday we walked in line mindfully to the top again at dawn, to say prayers to the relics in the crystal pagoda at the top. When walking the monks lead the white clothed(in precepts), and I loved talking to a couple of novices, but forgot to get their contact to follow their progress and to inspire me.
More later.

New Neighbors

I am waiting for a new US government brochure on “Saving for Dummies.” Soon to be followed with a Health and Human Services brochure, "Sharing for Dummies." In a country built on greed and self-cherishing we were never really ready for all this. We are great at saving old stuff, even when we know people go without all over the world. It would be in everybody’s best interest to be more accepting and friendly to your neighbors and people in general. We may not agree on a lot of things, but when you might find yourself asking for a lot more than a cup of sugar. Sooner than you think. Wouldn’t be nice if this turmoil results in more kindness between people. A real dream that I meditate on to help me generate some compassion towards others. Wishing them to be happy. Perhaps, now there might be a backlash on technology, knowing it really entirely depends on the originator. Garbage in, garbage out so as to speak. Who do you trust? Looks good, smells good, but does it feel deep down to be real and from the heart? I am not talking about art and music, but the information that we use to guide our lives and give us as sense of well being, albeit somewhat false. Have we neglected our most important sense, intuition? Shouldn’t we depend on the truth we know in our heart? That all life changes, and that the only we can change is our mind.

A New Moon

Sorry, it has been many moons since I wrote, while getting my home ready for winter. Supervising work and doing some myself from 7 am until 4 pm. So physically exhausting I had to nap, before going to bed at night. I got a lot done in a one-week time span, and of course now I have to pay for it. One of my neighbors joking calls me Mr. Perfect, because I maintain my house, instead of letting it fall apart like some people do with their body. I maintain my house and my car, doing work before it becomes a huge problem. These are important investments, so I can be assured that they will continue to be safe and working. During this time there were several instances where I was able to put my mindfulness to work when dealing with the workers and running for supplies. I saw a few times when anger could surface and I would smile and never show my displeasure. It made people even more friendly and relaxed. This brought others and myself some calmness in the rush to get things before an announced rain…which, of course never happened.