I have been noticing that I am feeling uneasy. That is uneasy not depressed. It is not affecting my sleep, eating or exercise. I've been seeking small pleasures to avoid seeing the real hopelessness I sometimes feel about my life. This can be brought about by not enough work, or unable to see my partner more. When I see myself craving a little piece of dark chocolate or a cup of good coffee, it is a sign. I am almost unable to do anything, perhaps paralyzed by the fear of not knowing. Sure, I can exercise, see friends and maintain obligations and order. So really, what I am experiencing can’t be witnessed by those around me. Which is fine, my experiences are just that… mine. I will say I am fairly confident that are not unique to me. Meanwhile, I am nursing a knee injury that keeps from running, but not swimming or yoga. I should turn this whole experience I am feeling to use as an exercise in dying. Like the dying of knee or my vision with age, is a small taste. There is more where that came from. We all die, and the sooner we realize this we can focus on the present. So we enjoy relaxing with death. I still can laugh, see the beauty of life, people, and kindness. I heard of a great story of a lay minister helping immigrants in Tulsa unslaved, which prompted me to write a thank you to him. So with the uneasiness, I can still see things as they really are. All of which will be explored when I do the 10 day meditation.
