Seeing Beyond - A Coming Out Story

I have always said that real life stories are better than any fiction and this one is no exception. Coming out stories help many more beyond the storyteller, and The Last Laugh I heard on theMoth.org while resting this morning touched me.

Even now in 2009 it is a very brave thing to do, and Terrence did not run away.  Hearing this story I could not help remembering my own coming out so many years ago.

It really is a positive movement to accepting who you are. By the telling of Terrence Buckner's story it will signal much growth in the face of all the heartache and physical harassment he and others face.


Showing the importance of his mother’s love and acceptance. He is one of thousands that are facing a hostile world that sometimes cracks with compassion by touching others. Hopefully it provides a link between all of us. The seas are now calmer for his next greatest voyage.

Blowing Away Impatience

I was away in Miami, busy with my sister and my nephew and unable to post with no spare time. I went with the idea of helping her while she worked by taking care of her son. I arrived a bit sick from the flight, catching a cold during a screwed up flight. I started out at the airport killing time meditating, so when the flight was cancelled and then postponed three and half hours, I calmly got up. Actually walked away in the opposite direction of the angry people in line for my flight waiting for answers. I walked to the next flight and did stand-by making it by hair let in through the closing doors at the last minute. I made it to my connection within three minutes, so I arrived on time as scheduled, just missing my luggage. I think if I were not so relaxed at the point where they announced the huge delay after an extra hour of waiting I would not have made a smart quick decision that day. That is what concentration does for you, avoiding the pitfalls of anger. So I got my luggage the following night, but I got there on schedule and just in time for a tropical storm! So my sister got two more days off, when schools were cancelled. This gave us more time to talk and do things together and me to assess what I could do for her and her house while not busy with them. I painted, trimmed trees, and did miscellaneous repairs to make her life easier. It was sometimes daunting because I never felt great, but I maintained an intention to do as much as I could before I left and keeping the complaints to a minimum. When I returned was treated to a loving thanks and the knowledge that we had a good time although it was way too short. It is hard to be away from family, but as I get older I get better at making the best out of it when we do see each other. The more I have positive experience of mindfulness brought on with meditation the more it enforces the need for it on a regular basis.

You Are Going Wrong Way

People reading my thoughts must think I am a very serious person. On one aspect I am, brought about by my near death experience and disability. On the other hand I find that to write fluff, it would be a waste of my time. So, if you want fun try “The Onion” or “Comedy Central Blog” and come back here for a slice of reality. But rest assured I laugh and smile at stupid stuff, even of my own doing.
I find it interesting that a $315 million powerball winner laments his loss of friends. He also endured his grand-daughter’s death from drugs and his wife leaving him. The article goes much more in depth, but money is not everything and he regrets ever winning. We cannot hold on to it, nor use it to control people. I have to constantly remind myself of this fact while paying for my partner’s college. It is his life, and my input should be only to show I care and inspire. I have my own relative’s story about money and trying to hold on to it that I may tell later. Just remember this when you put money ahead of family and friends or in the pursuit of ‘so-called happiness,” as there is no-turning back.

The Mind is Never Abandoned

I am feeling sort of like I abandoned my sister and her son since I got back from seeing them. We both have talked since I returned and we both feel the void. I was told that even their dog, who I liked was acting funky. I can’t complain because I had a good visit, now can I?
So I took the great opportunity that just happened to come up today, a day-long meditation on Lamrim. It was four of the twenty-one meditations, with breaks in between. It gave me time to make my practice better and to think about everything happening right now. I won’t hint that it was easy, because it wasn’t, even for someone like me who meditates at least four times a week for under an hour. Luckily, each session was guided with teachings in advance by my teacher. This is the same one who inspired me and keeps me on track for learning more. I dedicated all the merit I acquired to my Mom. This may sound silly after the feelings about my sister and her son stated earlier, but Mom created our ability to be a close family.

A Quick Trip

Back after a quick trip to take care of family when my sister needed with her son, when his school and her work schedule did not jive. It gave me a chance to build up a bond with him over the week-long time I had alone with him. We did a lot of different things from riding on go-carts one day to going to a science museum another day to diving for shells other days. I rode with him on this all day pass on the rollercoaster, doing it because it was what he wanted to do. It was something I always dreamed of doing as a child. I managed 42 times on it, before chilling out when he found a young friend to ride with. This allowed him the independence. A great trip to show you how important family is and how children overlook a disability when they know where your heart is.
I had returned to the place I spent many years as a kid, and came away very satisfied with my current choice of home. Sure there was a lot of memories good and bad there and I would often slip into them because they were so distant from where I am now both mentally and physically.

Curious Boy

When I was a boy, there were certain things in my life which were instrumental in boosting my curiosity of the world. One was meeting a young man of 19 or 20 who was cycling around the world and I talked to him while he stopped at the southern most point of the US. I was there on vacation trying to get away from my parents, and he was planning on getting to South America next. He told me many stories… of difficulties, upcoming journeys and fears. Overall, he inspired me to see more of the world and have a sense of adventure. Later, at 14, I traveled coast to coast by bus with a friend. By 17, I left home to work 2500 miles away to gain my independence. It provided me with confidence by exposing me to even more worldly people. One year later, I lived with a family while I worked with them. They were totally unlike my family, providing me with a contrast. The time there included a long, cold, and snowy winter, when I spent many an evenings talking with them. I even spent quite a few of those evenings, talking to and hearing their son’s ideas about the world. All while he was away from his family. I challenged any small ideas he carried just to make him think. I can only hope with all the time I spent, helped to expose him to the greatness of the world, as the cyclist did for me.