A Little Influence

In conversation with my seeker friend, he remarked we on two different paths. He said I am on a service path and his seeking awareness though observing his thoughts and meditation. Sure our paths are different but work towards the same goal. I have never thought mine was a service path, and often help others with only the subtle idea that this will start to chip away at my ego. Of course I don’t help with anything but feeling others need for assistance. Nor do I help to feel good, more based on knowing I am not alone in this world and desire to communicate this. I became aware of much other help when I was in the hospital for 6 weeks during my brain injury. Before this I really thought I was independent…a little ignorant I would say.


Just last night my friend said after talking to me, he thought about going to help his father by working for him, since he still alive. I expressed to him that once my father died there is not much I can do for him besides dedicating my merit to him. I think this inspired him to try to help, so he can show his father the path by caring enough.

Closed and Sometimes Open Doors

I have been working with a nice client and with difficult family matters that keep me pretty pre-occupied. It came to me this weekend another example of when people expect you to react like they want you to. It is a pretty clear sign of brain damage if you trouble speaking, right? So one must keep in mind that in other areas you are affected: reading, comprehending, and rational thinking, as well. And with me, it is more pronounced when I don’t get enough sleep. I have to take a day off, every other day. I think that people would rather put this in as a character flaw, than real brain damage because it makes more sense to them as a non-brain injured person. The way I do things now is based on my inability to be understood in most instances. There are times I would rather not speak, because the work involved to make others understand when they don’t want to take the time. A lot of the time I can see on their face they do not want to hear anything from me.
Last night at a party, I was treated to my friend's mother thanking me for a being a positive influence on her son when he moved here over 20 years ago. She also thanked me for putting him up when his apartment caught fire. It was unexpected, as I have not seen her in quite a few years, so I was speechless in a good way. Later, I just stopped trying to talk at all when it became too loud, locking the door to my communication. That is when I left to walk home knowing this for me is a great patience lesson…letting it all go and smiling.