A Healthy Set of Questions

Today, a man at the gym unloaded on me, starting first at what he thought I had. He was wrong, guessing heart attack, but I have spoken to him a few times and it must have never sunk in. His guess was based on his own fears of causing a heart attack to himself, worrying about various things. He knows I meditate, but he is not anywhere close to wanting to change the way he has been doing things. I tried to ease his mind, to learning to just stop all thoughts 2-5 seconds as Bentinho Massaro suggests...again and again. I said just rest in your body when you know you are living in your head. Being an ear, was therapeutic to me to just relax and show someone else I care. His problems are what most of us encounter in life, doubt. Yet, he is far better position financially than myself, enabling me to relax my own fears in the process.

Worry or Not?

If you stop worrying about things you can’t change, and there are tons of them, you'll begin to find your ability and frequency of happiness increases. I have found in moments of weakness, when worry creeps back in, if I get busy with helping others I can avoid it fairly easily. These ideas are not mine, but Buddha’s. Often tried by me, once I have heard the applicable teaching once or twice and made a bit firmer in meditation with concentration and reflection. My goal is lessen the irritation that is really low-level anger when we find fault in most everything we encounter. I am not trying to be humorless drone, and being so far from perfect, would be happy with 20% less dissatisfaction to things I don’t like. If I can accept things and just be neutral in feeling, instead of labeling as something I don’t like…I will easily see the happiness quotient increase.
So things I want to change become more of an intention for good, then a rejection of the bad. This actually has the benefit of expanding your world, instead being fenced in with the enormity of your dislikes. I would like to promote Lifestraw even through it is made of plastic, which in some poor countries is often burnt for disposal. Although it does not work on salt or chemically polluted water, it still is a valid and low cost way to save people’s lives. Many charities work hand in hand with Vestergaard Frandsen, the manufacturers of Lifestraw. For the $2 you spend on one coffee, you could help give one person clean drinking water for a year! That is how one could quickly jack up your happiness by putting yourself in another’s shoes. Especially for those less fortunate. My link to Mercy Corps in the upper right is just one of these charities.

Worry Hook

Are we hooked on worry? The same worry that allows us to make fools of ourselves when we don’t get our way. I am trying my best not to worry, and low and behold I woke up at 4 in the morning about my latest client’s job. I do want to make sure my work is done while looking at the big picture, but sometimes there are design decisions that are not done by me. These same decisions become my problem when they are not fully thought out. It amazes that architects even with a house remodel just slap something together. Thinking that most people won’t figure out their mistakes, like windows too high to reach when they could have started at chest level up. Or like moldings that go nowhere not knowing where to break a room. But my worry in this case is seeing the whole house done in my mind, which requires it to be on at times I would rather sleep. At least the client was happy, and thought about the same issue as I did at 4 a.m., as well. I guess I should be happy because we are on the same page.

Clean House

Someone the other day, asked me, “Who cleans your house?” I told them, “You are looking at him.” I think when comes the time to get help to clean your house, you either are too damn busy, or you have too much stuff. Now, this does not take in consideration of the handicapped, elderly or single working moms. But in general, there is something to be said about taking care of your space and the pride that comes with it. I was just out of the hospital with a stomach tube, exhausted with the healing process of the brain that needed tons of sleep and I still was happy to be able to clean my own house. That meant I was getting better. What about cleaning house in your mind? Do you think you just store thousands of worries, disappointments, signs of anger in there, without some leakage? Someone will see you don’t have a “clean house” one day, and usually won’t be a day you picked. Now I am nowhere close to perfect, so I am always working on it. Today, for example a friend needed to talk to me very impromptu. I was going to leave to go home, but this was important for him to talk. I just thought about putting my own wishes aside, and I am glad I did. I am honored to find out how much he cares about others. I have to remind myself to be a listener, so that others will listen to me… which can be extremely difficult.