Baby Angel

I watched in horror in the rain yesterday, a brand new Yamaha slide down Phah-onyothin Road in the rain on the oil slick road. The man was not hurt bad, and luckily no cars in front to slide into to. People ran up to help him get the bike up once it stopped its slide, even a woman. That made my day, then walking by my favorite family run food stand where I buy tuna , Green papaya and chilies, dried shrimp mix called som dtum. One day when buying for dinner, because I don’t eat in restaurants, they wanted to sell me tuna boiled and I declined wanted it grilled. The following eve while walking home, I saw they had them all grilled and I looked at their seven year-old son, who smiled knowing it was done for me. I bought 4 fish, with sticky rice. Then I found another vendor who makes delicious steamed fish curry in banana leaf. Finding fruit for dessert, green tangerines, rose apple and papaya, which I love.
I know that fortune telling is a very important part of Asia, and I watched a special about reed fortune telling in Tamil Nadu, India. They can actually read in them the name of your spouse, and your kids. And you thought no one knew in advance. Well, someone does! It seems like most people use them to refigure a positive outlook in their life. Propelling them to success they did not have with a changed mind. It reminded me about that fact my own problems are mostly in how I think.

As the Spirit Flies

In Asia now, trying to find myself while my partner is working. I had some routine health care done here at a hospital saving me $1000 off of US prices. And I have health care. It was good news on that front, but deep down I knew this was the case. Meanwhile, I feel like I am juggling. Getting up when my partner does at 6 am so we can say a proper good-bye instead of a grunt and then staying up with him until midnight or later. In the middle I am running around, shooting photos and going to temples. I was thinking… that since I know little Thai, and with my injury that makes it almost impossible to repeat tones….this only further alienates me from the world here. I’m a man who is forced to deal with things in my head, because most other people can discuss with friends or even strangers. Sometimes I hit a Thai word on the mark, but a second later it will sound totally off. But this all is a way to remember to work on patience. Tonight, I came back to the condo to swam laps in the pool, then mediated in the warm early evening breeze.

Mean Green

Sorry about hiatus, I had to research and deal with health issues. It all came out fine, but I had to spend $1000 (with healthcare) by seeing various doctors. It really helps to know about your health before you see a Doctor, because they don’t have much time to discuss. Knowledge is power and I am right there. In the middle of my research, I got my vaccines updated for an upcoming trip to Thailand and upkeep on my “old soul.” I kept busy with a little bit of everything, work, seeing friends and making new ones. It is work to keep fit, especially with strokes but is my soul source of “medicine” besides meditation as I take no prescriptions. Today on BBC, I read about a man who grew a new finger, with new extra cellular matrix. Who knows maybe they can figure out how I can regrow my brain where it is damaged and feeling will return. This next month I will spend with my partner, and he will be working, so I will have time to shoot when we are not together. Hopefully, I will share some of them here.

Venturing Out

I quickly took off to gather some family history over the last couple of weeks when a friend said he drive with me. It is not planned, and it made for a mini-adventure when you pack and get ready in less than an hour, and end up away for two weeks. It also gave me the chance to work on trying to not being attached to any one thing or outcome. I connected with family and friends and even got some work in the process. I came back and found some music that I liked, One that is a fun old 30’s French music by Charles Trenet that has just been remastered, and the other much more melancholy by Bliss. Maybe sad to some but it helps me discover what drives me. I can listen to this one night and the next take off on a long bike ride, happy and inspired. This past Saturday, I did spend a day meditating at my temple to help send positive energy to those around me, and hopefully putting out some of the self-cherishing flame inside. I distributed the old history to my siblings that have children because I feel as a gay man family history ends here. Not saddened by this, just matter of fact.

Start Small

Well, they have found that rats laugh when you tickle them or when they wrestle with each other. It is a high pitch sound that takes a special bat listening device to translate the sound into one we as human can hear. All this is on radiolab.org. So that throws all our ideas out about a being a more evolved species, because we can laugh. Closer to god, I think not! I hope this will propel more people into caring a little bit more about our environment and all the animals included. You might not like rats, just as much as I don’t like sweaty football payers but that doesn’t mean you or I have to kill all of them. They deserve as much right to be on this planet as you and I. Consequently, there is so much in our world we find displeasure in and yet we try to destroy it or get angry at it. It is so foolish and is they cause of our wars and violence that permeates our everyday life. It can be as simple as changing how we perceive the upset of not getting that parking space someone just beat us to. We have a much bigger world and much bigger problems that need to be looked a much simpler and easier to understand approach way first and then work bigger. Start small like killing rats or that to die for parking space and we can change the big problems we really do face in life.

Missing Green?

Few things are as great as when a friend or family member say they miss you. That gives you something concrete to hold to in your mind. Not that my value is solely determined by someone wanting me. I still am needed to help others in any way I can. I heard a Buddhist teaching on pride and reflected on how we often regard ourselves as being more clever than others. This only helps to further divide us and others and ultimately leads to less compassion. Of course, at first I thought I was not full of pride. But upon closer inspection and the more in depth the teaching was, I found I do have pride. So it is something more to work on …on my path. One good quote that will stick with me, “Nothing ever positive comes from dwelling on our own good qualities and others’ faults.

Not a Drunken Buddha

I have been shooting more with hopes of learning more while I am short of work. When I shoot something when I find it interesting, sometimes things I don’t really fancy I try to find the beauty. I want to take this over to my own life, as there are things that happen way beyond your control and you have to make the best of them. If you are wise you make do, and try not to dwell on the bad by making the positive shine greater. We do have the freedom to change how we see things, perhaps as a stepping stone, or even a learning experience. I do wish I had the financial freedom to help others more than I do. I have been thinking about how I might help young gays develop more positive attitude of themselves instead of getting into risky sexual behavior to find love. If one learns to love themself, they are less likely to make bad decisions. I do have both real good and bad decisions in my past to share with them, now it is just a matter of how to communicate with a disabled voice. I did help college age “kids” back before my injury with small controlled events to discuss the risk of AIDS. But now, will they listen? Or just focus on my weird speech? Meanwhile, I help people at the hospital. So I am not all talk.