A Memorable Moment

Today, after class I quietly talked with the Professor. I said, "I can't take much more, the woman next to me, needs to be spoon-fed, won't follow any directions, and interrupts me constantly... Never saying please, calling me by the wrong name. I just can not get anything done or take this with my aphasia." Smiling, She said, "I marveled at your patience, how do you do it? I thought about telling her I am Buddhist, but in this instant it sounded haughty so I kept quiet. "This will be easy, I will move your seat. We always have one like her", the professor said winking.

Very few times in my life people have said I am patient. Besides this one time, the other times when they see how I am treated in public when I speak. Not always, of course...but sometimes it is quite obvious others don't listen. You can't change the world.. only yourself, and I have not snapped at her, only watched how I feel. Looking beyond the immediate moment to a future where I have to deal with this person or someone like her. At least my practice has some fruits bearing in everyday existence.

Avoiding the Storm

I find it interesting to have a bunch of things happen in a row, when you least expect it, giving you a chance to use all you have learned so far. I had a chance to talk to my driver to the airport about how anger affects us, and we compared his findings with mine agreeing on all the points.

Upon arriving with enough time, looking at the mess we all know is any airport during the holidays, I tried to check in on the computer terminals. The confirmation number did not work, and I was put in a huge line to see one of two agents for all of United in a major airport. Next to my line was a huge line to go through security. I waited for 1/2 hour in line, helping other people get help and find their way, because no staff was all that helpful, and it kept me for being worried about time. Laughing to keep it light. Then my bag handle broke which made me laugh harder, I got busy quickly trying to make the shoulder strap work in its place. Doubling it up over the two loops riding conveniently above the broken handle, I figured I would fix when I returned home. Or wrap it around the next surly agent that I came into contact with…just kidding. I had to check my bag, only for the liquid restrictions on carry-on for my shave cream. $20 wasted there. It is getting so crazy that it is almost easier to travel with nothing and buy when you arrive. While in the security line, I let a woman with a close flight time jump in, and tried to help get her closer to the screeners and hopefully get through faster. The “me’s” where out in full force. I like it when everyone around plays deaf when they think they might lose their place in line.

The man behind and I were trying to rush her through, it became so chaotic that in packing my trays, and removing my shoes …my camera fell off my shoulder and hit the ground. The guy behind me said, “Not good!” but I smiled and said, “That is life.” I got through, but my hat did not, it fell out of the bins in scanner. I think it was struck inside. I asked around and no one found it, so I bid adieu to my favorite hat. So, I just made it on time through the checkpoint only to find the plane was late, and then also sat 45 minutes on the runway. Now, I know I could drive faster than taking a plane, and less hassle. All that transpired in two hours would drive anyone nuts, but I decided not to be angry or frustrated. For someone with aphasia who when I speak to anyone, I have to repeat myself many times with them looking all crazy at me. Just dealing is twice as hard as normal people experience. It takes work and constant monitoring how I feel and tweaking it towards the wisdom that you know will produce the right outcome…patience with life’s unpredictability thus avoiding the storm of anger.

Ring My Bell

Doorbell, rings…half expecting a friend to drop by, I answer even though in the middle of doing two things. Uggh, it is two people trying to sell me something. I immediately say to myself, don’t look pissed and let them do their job, using every bit of my patience, with the man talking a mile a minute. He says in the beginning of all this, saying he is not trying to sell me anything, doesn’t want any money… just to earn points. But he has nothing in his hand, and I smell a scam. The woman with him is just smiling nervously, saying occasionally, “that’s right!” He is a young and handsome, and she is a little worn on the edges. If I had to guess she was a former drug user, but life has not been too good to her. While he was still talking, I watch her, looking back to him hinting I need to know what you really want. He stops and says, “We are from the projects and just trying to get up in the world and by earning points we can… with your help!” I still don’t quite understand how I am supposed to give him points, and voilà, he reaches in his back pocket to whip out his tattered program. Pointing to my supposed neighbors on his sheets that gave him points, he tells me that by signing up for magazines, I earn him points. I say I really don’t need any more magazines, especially at inflated rates, scanning his list noting they are ones I don’t read. I scan his program pages, looking at the hokey company page. Nothing looks real to me. The whole thing is so round a bout that is totally confusing. Maybe his boss (if he has one) designed it this way if it is real. People will give anything just for them to get out of your face.

So, I say how else can you get points? I really want this to end soon. He tells me you can buy points, and points to a check a neighbor supposedly written in his receipt book, which he kept in his other back pocket. I look at him, and say I really can’t. “We are trying to get out of the projects, and looking for a hand up. You got this house by help,”looking around, he says. I say, “Wait a minute, are you assuming that I am rich and did not work hard for my house? This house did not fall out of the sky for me, and yes, I came from nearly nothing and had a tough life, too. That tactic won’t get you any further, I say to myself. “Well, there is not much I can do for you, I am just not interested and yes, money is tight like you said.” (referring back to the myriad of points he made in his spiel) He got the idea, and then asked me if I have any food for them. I said, “of course,” giving them my last two Clif bars. I wished them well and off they went. e saiHH

Don't Hitchhike Patience

Friday night, I found a post on Craigslist to go hiking last minute. I thought about it, but felt a bit weird going with people I have never met. So I went to sleep, figuring that in the morning I would decide whether to tackle home projects or do the hike. I woke up early only because it was hot and bright. I looked to make sure the evite was still posted, and texted the phone listed to state my name and that I would drive to meet him at the trailhead. My intuition told me that I felt like I would never see them. What if I don’t meet them? Deciding I would hike alone if that was the case, it settled my mind. A lot of things go not as planned and the sooner you are able to adjust the better. I never got a reply to my text, but thinking he might be driving there, so at least he had my name when he arrived.


While I drove there I picked up a hitchhiker, which I do whenever I see them providing they don't look scary. I vowed to, back when I would find myself begging for a ride at 19 on a hot, dusty, country road when that was my only transportation. Surely, there is that first hesitation on both parties… a combination of the hitcher needing it, and the wariness of not knowing if it will be ok or not. The area is sort of rural just like the area I used to hitch in. I met Ricardo was on his way to his brother’s house after his car broke down. He was about the same age I was when I used to hitchhike. Talking about motorcycles and driving just enough to make each other bond and put the strangers inside of us aside. I dropped him off where he wanted which was on my way, and he wished me a safe life and a great day.

Shortly after, I found the trailhead where I was supposed to meet the others. I arrived ten minutes early, so I looked around for people gathering for a meeting before taking off. I paused seeing two other groups and asked, but they did not fit the bill and I had no idea of who to look for. I tried not to be upset, meanwhile looking around until 10 minutes past our meet-up time. I saw someone with a worried look and eyebrows raised. I asked him if he too was supposed to meet for this. He replied yes, and we had he same contact phone number, so I had someone to join me. He seemed a bit nervous, but I thought it was he just uneasy until we find the people, take off and get acquainted. We waited around an extra ten minutes, and I just said, “I am going to go, do you want to join me?” He said yes. So, we took off up the trail, with me making small talk in hopes of trying to bond. I talked about travel, and so he asked about baggage allowances, because he was going to Japan. He got into the particularities of baggage and his fears after having not traveled for over ten years. That was fine, but then it quickly became obvious that James is a nervous person when he kept going over it. And yes, that worried look never left his face all day. He complained about the heat, the inability to meet the gang, and do I know where we are going? I took a deep breath, I jumped on the wrong pony. We continued, and while walking I explained things I know about the area, stopping to harvest bay leaves for cooking. He could not be bothered to even smell them, but said watch out for poison ivy! He just wanted to walk and get there. I really wanted a relaxing day, where time was not a factor, and fatigue is never apparent because you are in the moment. If I stopped to enjoy something or to photograph, he reluctantly paused. Realizing that I was not going to get rid of him, I quickly settled my mind on the idea that he needs me there and what a better way to re-learn patience. Every time something bothered me about his inability to enjoy this great day and location, I would take a deep breath. Not audible to him of course. When I talked to him I was kind and smiling, and with no sarcasm. Maybe he would relax. We finally arrived at the arch spot that was advertised, thinking that while eating lunch the others would walk up and rescue me. I was taking photos and asked him if he wanted his photo taken and I could email it to him? He declined, but never asking me if I wanted mine taken. I had stopped three different times, when other strangers asked me to take their photo with their camera. I found it interesting that when they did they only addressed me. Wrapping it up, I said, “ Hey, I am continuing down the coast trail and will hitchhike back to my car.” Thinking he would take the same trail we took up back. James said with the same worried face, “ The same old trail is boring, I will just stick with you. I have never hitchhiked before. Is it ok?”


Patience comes rushing in with a late package for me and it is always bigger than we originally thought. I said to myself, this will be interesting. He is worried about ticks and funny, I have right now on me! Thinking, I will enjoy this day, but I will also do what he wants, to feel comfortable. A perfect stranger that I don’t like or love and I have to treat him with respect. Pulling teachings from my Buddhist practice about Universal Compassion that I had meditated on the previous Saturday we continued on the trail. Walking another two hours in hot sun, we talked less frequently, his curiosity ended hours ago... but when we did it was mainly to reassure him that I know where we are going for the tenth time. One time, I said we are there, it all depends on your mind, to hopefully lighten his mind, but this went over his head. He asked a couple strangers who crossed our paths to ask them how far to next parking lot. The old me, would have said why don’t you just go your way and I’ll go mine with total sarcasm, but I actually felt bad for him. He could not relax and enjoy a fairly easy hike in some of the most beautiful scenery in the world. The trail finally got down to a branch, where one way went down to the beach and the other straight up a hill. I told him that the beach is longer, but who wants to climb a hill in the heat? He agreed and while walking down we saw a whale flipping his tale playfully while eating in the distance. I said that is why we go this way! I filmed them, but even on zoom they were too far away to really get clear. Arriving on the beach I take off my shoes to cool my feet in the ocean as we walk towards the exit to the parking lot 2 miles down the beach. He continued to complain about the heat or the distance, or to voice fears about the ocean. I just told him if he ever gets caught by a wave, the rip tides are powerful of course, but just don’t fight it, relax and swim only when the wave moves towards the shore.

Finally two hours later the parking lot where one should hitch a ride back appeared in the distance, but it was obvious in talking to him I could not say ok, see ya! And I really wanted to stay at the beach and meditate and swim, even if it was in my underwear. I knew he would stay not liking it, only because he needed me to hitch for him. Even though I told him it is easier if we go alone and it is better if you take off your hat. So I left my desire to remain there on the beach for him. And here I am with a speech disability, but I got right to the road and jumped up to first car I saw, smiling. Thumb out. It was a convertible with a lady driving not too unlike my mom. I said here you go and I’ll take the next car, but he wanted me to go enough, to ask her if she could fit me, and I had not even put my shoes on! So, I jumped in the back, and off we went. Bye, bye beach. She was nice and tolerant of his worry, so I just shut up. When we arrived at our parking lot, she drove us right there, I asked her if she wanted to join me for a beer, or if she needed money for gas. She declined, and I said thank you and off she went. Driving back around to exit I yelled, Thanks again!” James and I shook hands and departed, he did not want to join me either for a pint of beer before our drive home in our respective cars. I smiled as I drove home alone relaxed after such a long patient hike.

Avoid Being a Grumpy Old Man

Throwing down my arms, I settle into a patient stance when all hell breaks loose. A real ho-hum, whatever, look and feel, as if there is no other way to be…grudgingly. But no, really having patience is not—not putting up with it. It is an active mind constantly reviewing past mistakes and upsets to reform your reaction in a sensible way. A way to look beyond the ‘crisis’ moment to how you want to see yourself and the outcome after all the smoke clears. This is a mature and wise way to be. Surely you have met people in your life, and end up saying to them, “You are so patient, I could not do that!” You marvel at how things roll off their back, but never realizing all the while that this is an active choice to be wiser. It is foolish to think that we can arrange our whole life to be free of problems. In a brief ‘light bulb’ moment, I know that there is many more things that I will encounter without patient acceptance they can possibly destroy me or my spirit. So the more I work on the practice of patience, actively choosing to remain calm and level headed, the better. Then as the body slowly wears out it will be less of a shock, hopefully saving me from becoming a grumpy old man. It will allow me to reflect on the times I don’t and compare with times I did. I know one good instance where a careless truck hit my house and caused some damage. I remained calm throughout, never getting angry, even when I had to do all the work to get the funds from the driver’s company, including going there with photos on two occasions. The end product was cash in hand, having it repaired myself, the way I really wanted. All without stressing my body, which would actually hasten my departure. A few times I have reflected on this, when I get mad over silly things and remind myself, practice. And it starts here with patience with yourself.

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

The problem with coming back after a great time with my partner, is that home becomes a lot less like home. You are such in a fog of jet lag and delirious behavior that you can’t really focus. I flew out again after four days to see family after quickly doing all my bills. I do marvel at the fact that super shuttle has shown me more of my city, that I would not normally see. The return trips are even more a mad hatters ride of non-sense. They logged in my zip code(to make me feel that they got this under control), 15 minutes later told me which van to get on, and sure enough I went downtown with tourists far from my home. So, I decided to ask the driver once they all got out, if he could stop by an ATM to pay him. I even toyed with the idea of asking him, if he wanted to stop for a drink. But he looked as happy as I was and I nixed the idea. Since we drove way across town with me alone, effectively canceling any time savings I would have by not walking home from the airport. It never makes sense when my house is the closest to the airport freeway, and normally I would be first in, first out. So, I took this as yet another lesson in patience and put on the ipod.

Patience in Hong Kong

I went to Hong Kong with my partner as a gift for him working too hard at his job while completing college. He recently got a new Sony camera, so he was determined to figure it out by shooting himself everywhere there. For me it was bit too much, but with my Buddhist teachings if it makes him happy then I kept my mouth shut. I found hard with my own ego wanting to do other things at the same time, but once I let go of what I wanted it became much easier. Plus in the middle of the trip my camera fell off a hook in a bag, and crashed to the ground. The shutter stopped working, and so I shelved my ideas of photographing here after the first 24 hours.. I did not want to rush out a buy a new camera in a rush, plus I could use my partner’s in between. I am trying to get in fixed by tech wiz kids in Bangkok, because it is now an old model so if they wreck it, so who cares. New cameras like computers are outdated as soon as they come out. I did enjoy HK again as it our second time and even with rain that made shooting difficult. At least was cool. I worked on being cool headed at the same time, so like anything it was a work in progress. I just kept imagining the fact that if I let anything bother me I could easily make the trip miserable. So we kept rushing around at a non-stop pace for 4 days, even in the rain. We found a cheap guesthouse frequented by Africans who buy clothes to sell back home that was central, Ate lots of reasonably priced noodles with duck, because we can eat almost anywhere. We managed a ferry to Macau on the only hot day, so it was like dusty Portugal with some Chinese spice. That day I told my partner just imagine you are in Portugal, because for now that is the closest you have come.

On the way back I helped an African load huge clothes bags on the airport bus, and it turned out he was on the same flight we were on. We talked while waiting in check-in line. He asked to use our baggage allowance for his bags, but I said we had one bag each ourselves and it said on the monitor…ONE BAG PER PERSON. I did not want this trip to land us in Thai jail! So, on the plane back, we agreed this trip went too fast, and where is our next one? We got a handful of great night shots, and I helped my partner to learn his camera more. These shots are from my old camera now out for repair.

Small Treats

On the bus home after going to my Buddhist Temple, a young man was playing a guitar, and he got off on my stop and played on the walk home. What a treat, reminding you of how little you need to change your mental state and make your day even better. This is after a great teaching about patience at temple and a day of rest earlier. On a rainy day, I don’t usually want to spend a day in bed, but it almost ended up this way. My body said, “hello, it’s winter and you need to slow down!” Yesterday, I did stay up late with a dinner with a friend and seeing a long film, Lust/Caution. It was a beautiful story, but it shows the real tragedies of love. When one has expectations of what they want out of love, and it most certainly is not patience. I finally spent time talking to a fellow member of my temple, about our experience of patience and anger, and how much we have learned. But learning about patience and applying, makes it clear that we need it to keep learning and use to practice more. I did get accepted into the 10-day silent meditation and of course I know it will be mental work. Maybe when I done it will take a firm hold and grow like a weed.

Patience, an all-day affair

I was doing some things around home and a friend asked me to go to a book sale. I said sure, and drove there. Not knowing it would be all day affair as he looked for books for his classes where he teaches developmentally disabled kids. So, I quickly put my own self aside and helped him. Every time I wanted to leave and get back to doing my own things I reminded myself that my time for both my friend and his kids was more important than what I had to do. I used this as a test to see how patient I could be, and in turn helped him try to find good books. At the end of the day, I even offered to take his books to his school directly, a long way away. Knowing that two people carrying them would be easier. Then we came back home and I let him nap while I cooked dinner for us both. This was really not in my plans for a nice beautiful sunny day, but as an ex-lover once said to me: “People are not things, and are therefore much more important. Yes, some wise things said to you do somehow stick with you!