Wait Not, Want Not

I was out on Sunday, deciding to go out with friends while waiting for my guest to arrive. I did not have a firm time from him, and I was not going to waste a beautiful day waiting around. So I went to Open studios in Marin Headlands by bus which is a hell of a lot cheaper than a car and better for our planet. Walking with my friends to see artist’s studios. I got fascinated by Walter Kitundu both playing and talking about his work and thoughts(see link posted). Stayed there about an hour and lost my friends, but it was all good. It left me with hope, dreams, admiration and it slowed down my fast paced existence. When he talked about watching and photographing birds and that they will let you know what they are doing. He also spoke about how standing or sitting quietly in the park the police were called many times on him. It got so bad, he had to put a sign by him that explained what he was doing. I was outraged and ashamed, but not surprised. Bringing me back to the idea that we are missing so much of what is good in life, by defining life by what we already know or fear. We think that we have it all figured out. In our little “me” world, where we originate the idea that the world happens to us, Defined by what we like or dislike. But if we just it go and view life with equanimity we will be happily surprised at how much less painful it appears to be. I rushed back to dinner with my friend, who in waiting at a bar close to my house, had met the owner of a restaurant. The owner had invited him and me to have dinner at his restaurant. Three hours of eating and drinking wine all on him! I tipped the wait staff and once home wrote a nice Thank you card, an often forgotten courtesy.
"The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives"-Albert Einstein

New Neighbors

I am waiting for a new US government brochure on “Saving for Dummies.” Soon to be followed with a Health and Human Services brochure, "Sharing for Dummies." In a country built on greed and self-cherishing we were never really ready for all this. We are great at saving old stuff, even when we know people go without all over the world. It would be in everybody’s best interest to be more accepting and friendly to your neighbors and people in general. We may not agree on a lot of things, but when you might find yourself asking for a lot more than a cup of sugar. Sooner than you think. Wouldn’t be nice if this turmoil results in more kindness between people. A real dream that I meditate on to help me generate some compassion towards others. Wishing them to be happy. Perhaps, now there might be a backlash on technology, knowing it really entirely depends on the originator. Garbage in, garbage out so as to speak. Who do you trust? Looks good, smells good, but does it feel deep down to be real and from the heart? I am not talking about art and music, but the information that we use to guide our lives and give us as sense of well being, albeit somewhat false. Have we neglected our most important sense, intuition? Shouldn’t we depend on the truth we know in our heart? That all life changes, and that the only we can change is our mind.

Wisdom Blooming

With the work it takes on my mind, so I don’t end up being a grumpy old man ...I sometimes see my progress. This week one day, I went to yoga and arrived early to meditate a 40 minutes prior to the class starting. I had my eyes closed, so I did not see that my normal teacher was not present, and a substitute started class. This is how I usually come out of meditation, and hearing music I was unfamiliar with I knew it was another teacher. I assumed she was trying to get her IPOD list for class, but it was really what she was playing. The music was not a “death jam, ” but it was still did not go with yoga, actually fighting the relaxing flow normally associated with it. I tried to deal with it as best as possible, but with my brain injury could not figure out what was going on. It was bugging me, so I put on my own IPOD thinking that I could do it visually …but again too much input for my brain. I thought should I tell her the music sucks? I decided I would not, because it is arrogant and most likely someone else would. I looked around at several students that I know to see if they looked unhappy. I stopped doing yoga, and tried to just be still, but I was bothered. My eyes while closed were buzzing, showing me how much anger affects the body. I was doing my best not to get angry, but still? I am not happy? No, I thought. Or is just the wrong music? Yes, and it could easily be fixed by leaving. So I quietly put my shoes on and left, without making a scene or a face. The old me, would have walked up to her and told her the music is not appropriate. But not now, thinking of the other members of the class, they would have felt my vibe and it would have rubbed off on them. I would be spreading my anger and really it was just one hour, and I could do something else. So, I hopped on stairmaster until the class ended. Later three of my friends came up to me and said the music was awful, and they complained to the teacher. She said, “It is my playlist.” And one friend even went to the management and complained.
My friend later said, “You left.” I did not say to her that complaining does make one happy, but thought of it in relation to me. The process of letting go of trying to control the outside world is one I have to practice every day. I have to also reflect on my errors while in meditation, because I will forget often. But this one instance showed signs of anger slipping and wisdom’s potential.

My Bailout

Walking home, I came across two trash cans that where blown out into the street and picked them up and put them back on the sidewalk braced by a pole. A car drove by and the man inside driving it yelled out, “You’re a good man!” Flattered and surprised, I said, “Thank you” and continued walking. I made me think, not about me, but whom in my life I could say that to. Immediately, four friends came to mind. This is not discounting my partner who to me is a firmly placed as exceptional, so I can put him aside in my thought wonderings. I have at least four good friends who without ever saying it always project an intention to love and care about me. I have more good people in my life, but these shine. They can be miles away, and I still know where their intention lies. This known intention allows me to have strength when the chips are down or when hard decisions have to be made. They are part of my bailout, which also includes mediating, that I use to combat any self-pity or worry. My bailout does not repackage old fears and mistakes and resell them to my friends.

A Swearing In Smiles

I went on Monday to watch a friend's swearing in ceremony to be a US citizen with 1077 others from around the world. While I set up to photograph from above, I stood up from my seat and a Chinese man took it. It made no sense, because he had to sit directly behind my ass, and I wasn’t very far from the seat in front of it. I used my Buddhist practice to let go and not yell at him and took the one next to him. It was a conscious effort as usual. Then I proceeded to talk to him about cameras, some small talk just to clear the air especially for me. The ceremony unfolded, the guy from immigration was entertaining with his address and his ability with at least 5 languages. And I thought there were no signs of intelligent life with the current administration. Then we had to watch two “B” hallmark style films about immigration, then the killer of the whole morning: Bush’s address looking sadly like a worried Alfred E. Newman. Next was the swearing in, proceeded with the roll call to stand up by each country A to Z. Of course China was #1, and Mexico #2. The oath was embarrassing to me with the request to bear arms for a now corrupt government for illegal war ("....so help me God.")
I really had to relax, but was rewarded when I saw the lines and excitement for Obama and the Democratic party registration table outside afterwards. Two pathetic, unhappy WASP women ran the Republican table with very few visitors leaving them very grumpy. I took photos of multi-raced people posing with the Obama’s life-size photo cutout. The atmosphere was so happy and charged up that I even photographed a woman when she did not have a camera with her and wanted a shot. I emailed it to her. Seeing all this made my proud to be an American again.

Without Blinders

We are still traveling down the road assessing likes, dislikes and neutral objects when we encounter a boulder that appears in the road. It was fine until the bugs, the heat, the other idiots on the road, and now a boulder. It slowly becomes obvious that you are a reactive state to things that appear to be coming at you. So if you dislike that boulder in front of your new sports car on your first day off in a month, you may get agitated or even angry. And with this you may start to add other things you don’t like about the day, the car or your life. I have often said you are really asking for more misery to help( right! help?) you to understand why this boulder is really NOT making your day. You’re so focused on this boulder, all else falls by the wayside. It does not make any sense if you break it down, but we do it (or at least I do) more often than we care to say. Now, put this boulder aside, you are barreling towards with blinders on and you have not at all noticed the beauty that is on the periphery of your journey. You may have earlier when the going was smooth, easy only because for one hot minute you forgot your dislikes. Likes: the wind blowing through trees, the sunlight reflecting on leaves, the wisp of fog burning off. Or one of my favorites – the smell of impending rain(yes, I smell it). Oh, and that person saying hello to you for no other reason but to share in the beauty of the day. And snapping back to your current upset state about that boulder and you are hard pressed to grunt “hello” back. The world is much more than little old me, and will show its beauty to someone a bit more awake than I, if I don’t change. And now for some reason, I am much aware of how little time is left in my human body. I want to view this world like I did at 12: big, amazing, beautiful, fantastic and ever changing. I like it.

Our World View

I am using the current downturn now financial crisis in the market to watch how my mind works. We know that we divide how we see the world up into threes: Likes, dislikes, and neutral (or no feelings). With our pick we quickly view the world and everything we encounter with our five senses. And a few rare times with our sixth sense — intuition, which I have spoken about in previous posts. You’ll find that you want to gravitate to things you like, but in the process you unfortunately find a lot more that you don’t like. For instance, in this economic climate one would be hard pressed to find something good here, and quickly worry or dislike. And perhaps panic. Just listen to the news, and watch them trying to make sense out of all this…they can’t, so how could you?

So, I have been trying to monitor how I perceive this current crisis and life in general. If I look back at my life and my family’s lives, I have watched my grandfather die trying desperately to hold to money and life. He did not like dying, and he wasn't prepared. We lose it all, and we die just as helpless as we came into the world at birth. All we can do is make wiser decisions on our path, and try not to focus on dislikes. We really cannot change to the world to be our way, and have everyone view it through our eyes. Nor can we shut down and go into a corner because we don’t like the way things are right now. What we can do is change how we see the world, and with our wisdom view it with a lighter mind. This is not to be confused with a positive outlook but seeing things as they really are, always changing. Try not to hold on to the disappointments of dislikes, there are way too many. They have the ability to change when we think we have it all arranged the way we like it. Look at the financial mess, we have enough history I hope, so that we remember when it was all good. Now a disaster…temporarily. It seems like we find ourselves constantly disliking something or someone, even to the point of looking for more things to dislike. Now think about it… we are causing our own misery one dislike at a time. For instance, even a neutral view of someone alone can prevent us from meeting the right person. We might walk by and not say hello to someone who can change our life immensely, holding to our narrow view.