Venturing Out

I quickly took off to gather some family history over the last couple of weeks when a friend said he drive with me. It is not planned, and it made for a mini-adventure when you pack and get ready in less than an hour, and end up away for two weeks. It also gave me the chance to work on trying to not being attached to any one thing or outcome. I connected with family and friends and even got some work in the process. I came back and found some music that I liked, One that is a fun old 30’s French music by Charles Trenet that has just been remastered, and the other much more melancholy by Bliss. Maybe sad to some but it helps me discover what drives me. I can listen to this one night and the next take off on a long bike ride, happy and inspired. This past Saturday, I did spend a day meditating at my temple to help send positive energy to those around me, and hopefully putting out some of the self-cherishing flame inside. I distributed the old history to my siblings that have children because I feel as a gay man family history ends here. Not saddened by this, just matter of fact.

Start Small

Well, they have found that rats laugh when you tickle them or when they wrestle with each other. It is a high pitch sound that takes a special bat listening device to translate the sound into one we as human can hear. All this is on radiolab.org. So that throws all our ideas out about a being a more evolved species, because we can laugh. Closer to god, I think not! I hope this will propel more people into caring a little bit more about our environment and all the animals included. You might not like rats, just as much as I don’t like sweaty football payers but that doesn’t mean you or I have to kill all of them. They deserve as much right to be on this planet as you and I. Consequently, there is so much in our world we find displeasure in and yet we try to destroy it or get angry at it. It is so foolish and is they cause of our wars and violence that permeates our everyday life. It can be as simple as changing how we perceive the upset of not getting that parking space someone just beat us to. We have a much bigger world and much bigger problems that need to be looked a much simpler and easier to understand approach way first and then work bigger. Start small like killing rats or that to die for parking space and we can change the big problems we really do face in life.

Missing Green?

Few things are as great as when a friend or family member say they miss you. That gives you something concrete to hold to in your mind. Not that my value is solely determined by someone wanting me. I still am needed to help others in any way I can. I heard a Buddhist teaching on pride and reflected on how we often regard ourselves as being more clever than others. This only helps to further divide us and others and ultimately leads to less compassion. Of course, at first I thought I was not full of pride. But upon closer inspection and the more in depth the teaching was, I found I do have pride. So it is something more to work on …on my path. One good quote that will stick with me, “Nothing ever positive comes from dwelling on our own good qualities and others’ faults.

Not a Drunken Buddha

I have been shooting more with hopes of learning more while I am short of work. When I shoot something when I find it interesting, sometimes things I don’t really fancy I try to find the beauty. I want to take this over to my own life, as there are things that happen way beyond your control and you have to make the best of them. If you are wise you make do, and try not to dwell on the bad by making the positive shine greater. We do have the freedom to change how we see things, perhaps as a stepping stone, or even a learning experience. I do wish I had the financial freedom to help others more than I do. I have been thinking about how I might help young gays develop more positive attitude of themselves instead of getting into risky sexual behavior to find love. If one learns to love themself, they are less likely to make bad decisions. I do have both real good and bad decisions in my past to share with them, now it is just a matter of how to communicate with a disabled voice. I did help college age “kids” back before my injury with small controlled events to discuss the risk of AIDS. But now, will they listen? Or just focus on my weird speech? Meanwhile, I help people at the hospital. So I am not all talk.

Photo Nostalgia

I know that my old photographs of people, especially my friends and ex-lovers are stored in boxes. The idea, I guess, was to save them for when I am old so I could look at them and stroke those memories. It is coming to my mind that it would be more realistic to give them to the people who are in them. I have done that with one friend. Holding on to them does not give me any more spiritual connection to them. But, deep down maybe that is why I still hold to them? Even if they are still my friends, they are not same person when the photo was taken. Nor am I. It would free me from holding on to the past and make some moves I need to.

Waiting for Sunset

I have been reflective, cleaning my house to new music I bought. In addition helping at my temple, and painting for them. I got to brighten up the entry, using colors I found on one of our Buddhist books. This helps to keep the look consistent and upbeat. I have managed also to meditate and see friends and exercise. I am trying to plan a trip that will give more to write about and to photograph. I often hear similar Buddhist teachings over the years, and most often I take something new out of every one. I really enjoy when I hear someone say to our teacher that this lesson was just made for them at this moment. Meaning that it rang true, and helped them cope in a difficult time. When I see them deep in conversation I brought them both tea, and made myself scarce.
Meanwhile, I have to keep my cool during the election cycle and praying for a good change. Involved enough to help, but not so much to lessen my anger quotient. My windows have Obama posters on them, in the hope that some real change is happening after 8 years of Bush lies.

Fixing Things

I had friends over for dinner Friday, and I just sat back and let them talk, as it so difficult for me. They were both very entertaining, so it was easy to sit back and cook and make this happen. I like to get two friends from different circles to meet, as it is a reflection of my diversity. The following day, I drove to the beach to cliff overlooking it to meditate for two hours. It was a beautiful calm day, so it was not too cold. I would break every so often to drink tea. In the middle of one meditation a furry puppy just jumped into my lap content knowing I was so peaceful. I was not shocked or surprised, I opened my eyes to his female owner yelling, “NO!” I opened my eyes and said, “he is just a puppy and yet he knows I won’t hurt him, give him a break.” He stayed around, making sure he was safely under my arm. When the owner relaxed, then the puppy left easily. When I was done with my two hours, I felt so much more relaxed. I have quite a few things on my mind, and they were just released from the worry mode. I was lucky enough to have friend over that night for dinner, and he was so kind as to show some techniques to photoshop my photos to look as good as they do on the camera. The sky on this shot was this spectacular that night, just before a cold front came in.