Sideline Trip out of Temple and Alms Round

At dawn, I followed monks on an alms round to get familiar with what I will have to do. Then five of us went on a tour along the Myanmar border, and to see a few hill tribes, some of which provide this temple with novice Monks. We did this trip before two of take precepts. With us are two other participants that are studying Buddhism in university back in the US, and will hate to see them go, as they accent most everything we do with their knowledge and willingness to share. We saw a cave which monks use of and on for the cave tradition, three different villages with different languages, and visited the area near the border. Feeling that this took away from our studies here at the temple, but it was interesting and allowed as the program is unstructured. And with the great company of our Dharma teacher who is happy and funny. Upon returning we watched the novices and their monkey pet providing a funny ending to a great day. So with the living, breathing temple there is time for fun. I have an eye infection, and got drops so it makes hard to see.

Ringing In Peace and the Gecko Calls

Almost immediately after I got a tour of the temple and put my bag down in my room, I felt completely relaxed and totally disconnected from my life in the states. Because you lose at lot of yourself in the peace and happiness that pervades this temple, it seems like home. A working temple, with novices who help teach us Pali chants, and we join them with chants and meditation. They provide much lightness and joy. I meditated three hours today each in one-hour segments, and one of which in the afternoon by the Stupa, after three us did Qi gong before as prep. I also got to talk to several other people on this journey and everybody is calm and happy even when things are difficult like being sick. The people involved are interesting and helpful, without getting in your face. It can be as much as you put into it. So, it is really hard for me to want to get online and tease out a piece.



Especially after a novice named Joy was so kind to come and help me work on my Pali, tonight. These connections are so unique, getting to hear about his Palaung village and learning Thai is his second language and English which I tried to help him on a bit. We compared the similar prayers in Mayahana and Theravada and I showed him some of my photos of other temples in different countries. In the middle of a lesson, a gecko barked right outside the widow in my left ear and scared me not knowing the sound. Joy closed the shutters to reveal him biding behind, so I could photograph him high up on the wall.
I am wondering if the gecko is my partner checking up to see if I am ok, as he wanted one as a pet. It just seemed like his style of joking. There is so much to tell, but I am anxious to get to bed to go on alms round with the novices at dawn. A bit nervous to do blessings, when I do become a monk, on similar rounds to the people who will give us the nice food to get merit. It is not begging, and it is a honor to give, so I only hope to honor them with a good Pali rendition. It gives me yet another way to look at how I fabricate worry, when I have no idea. It is just a total waste of time. This evenings chanting is still ringing in my head and it is so lovely all while the birds chirping, cackling and beetles buzzing and the sun going down.

Island and Birthday Surprise

The mystery of leaving for the airport in the dark humid night is lost when I consider that it almost means leaving my partner. It is supposed to get easier and it does only somewhat. Last night he said he did not want me to go or to leave him for that matter. Saying, “this is your intent, so go.” It wasn't bitter tone and for the first time he said you don’t have to because I love you. If you have any trouble or anything call me. You would think I was going to war not a temple to be monk.



This past weekend was great in a few ways. Saturday, we went to Koh Kret to check it out. Going by boat to Nonthaburi, then on by bus for almost an hour to Pak Kret to take a small boat crossing ferry. Arriving just as the ominous clouds were going to soon give the island a wash. We walked up the plank and took a very short walk into the island where Mons make pottery, meeting a guy who showed us quickly around the kilns but said you had better hurry and get back. We made it back to the crossing and over in time to grab bikes and rush to where the buses stop just as the clouds unleashed their fury. On the way back to Bangkok by bus, I was talking with my partner about some details of our history. I asked him what year his grandma died, and in the process filled in some detail that I missed over the years. I knew about most but vaguely and he holds back much emotion from his past life’s troubles. Retelling his story that lead up to his good fortune now starting his masters with my help, he hit a few tough parts and tears welled up in his eyes. One could easily feel empathy and it was all I could to not burst out in tears myself, if it wasn’t for the fact that we were on this bus. There were few people aboard, it was raining hard and water running down the outside of the bus only highlighted his tribulations. I put my hands on eyes, to quiet the feeling, but he and I knew that there is a great ending to these past problems…our love.


On Sunday, my birthday, we went shopping for pants for university since he no longer has to wear a uniform. He found three he liked, and he said I tam booned(making merit) for him on my birthday, joking. Later I came home to pack a small bag for temple, and he would meet me after seeing if his friend could come celebrate his birthday and mine later. He arrived back and said his friend was too busy to come by, and we continued talking. My partner answered the door, and it was a surprise…it was his friend with a birthday cake for me. He had planned the whole out!

Intricacies of Love

As this month has rolled by, one thing sticks in my head through my experience at this time. That whenever a person loves you they are doing it their way. The moment you want something more or different is where we get in trouble. Pure love, I was taught over and over in Dharma lessons is wishing for the other person to be happy. Not with the idea that they have to make us happy in return. But this is done with wisdom, not masochism. Looking at the big picture instead of getting hung up on minutiae of your own insecurities. Maturation, even for me still comes in waves, with a few deviations along the way. If I am to light the path for my partner, friends and family, I have to be on the path. Not acting, talking or even just entertaining wise ideas. And believe me it is work in almost every instance. You have to act with some reflection as to why you are doing such. Look at why you are hurt over the most minor differences in thought and actions. Seeing success sometimes, and failures in others(not in a grand sense, it is usually in minor circumstances). I am doing better at this as time goes on, but I can’t really stop there when I have seen how well this works. I have experienced marked changes since last year, maybe not visible to others but my own internal experience.



And one thing I think that is so cute, is how my partner knows he will be thought of when I am at temple. He said he won’t tempt me with calls or a visit, although allowed to. It doesn’t quite register with him how strong my desire is for a sharper mental awareness. Tonight, he will take out my one earring in preparation. And if I am truly wise, I will leave it out.

Wandering Observations

from the desk of Was Once, after coffee:
If Thais are so close to their parents especially their mother then why does not translate to mother earth? Obviously, some of which can be attribute to Buddhist teachings.I see klongs full of sewage, and who knows what else to the point of popping on the surface. I have seen people walk their trash and dump it in the Chao Phraya river. One never really knows the origin of the fish they sell, and which klong it comes from. In some places birth defects have resulted and no one really is screaming. Is this survival of the fittest in action?


If I am walking around off the beaten path, I rarely get bothered as Thais leave you alone. A few hellos from kids or saweedees from adults. If I ever get approached out there, it is only for transportation mostly like motorcycle taxis that give you the heads up if need a ride. They come in real handy. It is in the tourist sections that I get hassled, but if I don’t give eye contact and look down and press on then I look like I have a clue. It is problem photographing, because I am inquiring with my eyes, and sometimes misread as naïve.


I am also aware of the daily costs here, even when living on the cheap, so I appreciate how hard is to live on my partners salary. He does it quite well, and rarely asks for help. He is proud of what he has done on his own, proud to share and has great respect for my love. One of his long range goals is a doctorate and travel so even while being funny and joking he has his head in the right place. He did joke about me being a monk to avoid his hugs. All I really provide him with is consistency and freedom to be himself. I am always learning how do this.

Experience with Immature Thoughts

How often do we judge our experience down to every single moment on whether we are pleased? Be it food, drink, temperature, the views and/or the sounds we hear. If I find myself wanting a constant pleasant experience for myself, I find that I am constantly on the move. This seems so immature when I really contemplate this. More a mental experience than physical, always leap frogging to something perceived as better than what I have right now. It becomes even more pronounced when things might be difficult, even slightly. I have brain damage so severe that when I get too much input, be it noise or perceived chaos I get overloaded because my brain cannot narrow down a single person conversation from background noise. It is even more pronounced on the phone if the other party is in a really noisy area. Although this is a common problem with my injury, I am looking into how I deal when it happens because it like life, you cannot control every instance. If I examine personally at how I try to control life in general, and relax, I am in fact easing the stranglehold we sometimes carry around with our life experiences. Trying always to make them pleasant to our senses.Then in the big picture of life, I might be more prepared for the more difficult aspects of aging, sickness and death. We often daydream a fairy-tale ending to our life, or put in so far on the back-burner that the only existence it plays in our life is a certain child like approach to real life connections with friends and family. People are in our life for a reason and we sometimes take it so for granted that we dismiss any feelings surgically on a regular basis with no remorse.



As I got a massage in my favorite family run shop-house, they guessed why I am on the path. Saying, "Broken heart or a family death?" I said, "No, a logical conclusion." I survived my near-death not because of my strong will as most will surmise, but for the kindness of others. How could I have strong will if not for having love in my life to give me the strength? My mother played a very important role, giving me life for really the second time! My friends and even the night nurse who has since passed, saw the fact that I was more “there” than the doctors at that time said. And now look I can write this, when they predicted a vegetable like life, post injury. Can you imagine how a mother would take what they said at that time about her first-born son? To prepare for me to die. How can one possibly pay this back?



Ever notice a Thank You never seems to be sufficient when someone does something good and loving for you. The best way to return this favor is to be loving with others, transform your gift from them into something as worthwhile as theirs. Letting go of the power they gave you because it would be mature.

If anyone loves you then this really means they are sacrificing a part of their sense of “I.” Lowering their self-cherishing enough to look beyond. A gift we sometimes overlook.

I watched two policemen enjoy ice cream, brought to them by a superior when I stopped coincidentally to put a bandaid on my toe. I enjoyed the look on their face, and I did not even have to pay. We exchanged smiles, one of the free gifts of life.
The first part of my discussion is looked at it depth with Paticcasamuppada(Practical Dependent Origination) in Buddha’s teachings.

Standing Strong

One of the things that marvel me about my partner of eight years is his ability to not confuse minor disagreements with his or our love for each other.

His firm, unwavering love is brought forth by my love and concern for him. He knows my heart and motives as I know his. For this we are both lucky.

So, when I say it time for us to get our teeth cleaned, he may put up a little resistance thanking he is fine, but if I just direct us to the dental office, and not be angry or ugly…he is fine. And when I need twice as much work as he, redoing old cavities…he doesn’t gloat at his good fortune.

While they were re-drilling my teeth, I was thinking about seeing a Thai crematorium near a temple on Friday, and how it will too soon when all these teeth will be burning up along with my body. The slight pain I perceive to experience now gone up in flames, and it often seems so pointless. Do we do this to further the idea we carry of being immortal? Fix your teeth and you have cheated death?




Anyway, I am also very lucky he is not needy in the sense of reassurance about anything he does or needing to hear how much he is loved. He has that mature sense of himself. I am a better person by loving him, seeing a totally different world through his eyes.


For this and all good fortune that has come to me, I am going to be a novice monk. To get to know my mind even better
unfettered by life’s distractions.






My partner says there is no need for me to be one, but he will let go and let me try. His only fear, joking he said, “ I might like it so much I will stay.”

I say I know so little dharma, even with 5 years of being on the path that the temple will be happy to let go of me. Just kidding. There really are times in life that have to be thankful for what you have, and still be willing to give.