Pick or Shoes

I have noticed that we people think we operate in a vacuum, alone and fully independent. So this week I have been entertaining friends and new acquaintances I have made. I do this whenever I feel a bit down on myself, to acknowledge the importance they make in my life. All I have to do is remember, that people and family were there the moment I was in ICU. I continue to try to make new friends whether at work, play, or the gym. This is very hard given my disability, but the minute I begin to lay any perimeters on my life, I lose out tremendously. I need people, you need people and we need them more than we often think. It takes many people to enjoy our cup of coffee, or our power, or to make our shoes. If all these people were on strike we would not be very happy without these things. Today, when I called 411 three times talking as slow and as calmly as I could and asked for a business number and they gave me a new wrong number each time. It was hard to not be mad, because I had driven across town to find a business and wanted to call. So, I instead met a friend and dealt with calling the phone company unrushed when I got home. Because I was calm and nice, they apologized and took the charges off my bill. There was no point in showing with anger to the person who handled my call that this really made an hour more of work and put me behind in what I wanted to accomplish. I just talked about the weather on her end and my end and ended it with a calm note. She in turn will have a much better evening with one less angry person during her shift. Knowing the chain reaction we can often cause, because we are so interconnected.
I want to send prayers to the monks and the people faced with bullets in Myanmar(Burma), just to help their fellow citizens eat. They need us now.

Ocean of Memories

I have been watching Ken Burns WWII film series. After the first night was done, I laid awake thinking before falling asleep. One person came to mind was my friend, M whom I dated one night back in 1982. Although he was young he was still forward enough to tell me he liked me but not “that way.” We instead, graduated as friends, and he moved in with me for a few months, after he had a blow up with his parents. He had great plans in life and we often spoke of this. I always thought he was very smart. Later when he moved out, and I became friends with his Mom, running with her on long distance loops. It was less than a year he became very ill in at the hospital. Diagnosed with something unknown combined with pneumonia. He prevented me from seeing him a few times when he was getting his lungs suctioned. One night I drove out to see him, and ended up not being able to see him and in the fog I sat crying. I had talked to his Mom earlier, and I got the feeling he was not going to pull out of it. He died soon after, without me being able say good-bye at the young age of 18, of what we later found out was a new disease, AIDS. This was 1984, and it was all too new to us. Our friendship, although it was a brief two years was rewarding and special. Today, I remain friends with his parents and shortly after his death gave them all the photos I had of him. M, you go on living in me and your parents so don’t worry. I am sending you good thoughts. Cheers!

Embarrassment or Enlightenment?

Now, it seems like banks are closing their doors or sub-prime branches bitten with all the new foreclosures. I really don’t feel any pity for lenders who obviously over-looked their client's lack of income to make a buck. These same banks are all calling foul, when they knew from the beginning when they were praying on the poor's desire to have a home. Which brings back to an earlier point that no one will accept personal responsibility in our society. And to make matters worse people think they can profess their innocence loud enough or many times and just absolve themselves of their guilt. Believe it or not, it will come back to haunt you if not later in life…now.
I am proud that the monks in Myanmar have risked their lives in hopes to change their suppressive government. I think they came to the point with Buddhist intention, with death as a given, and that only they can make the change happen in effort to help other poor people. This will only increase their karma by helping to end this suffering. Now, that is the door to enlightenment!

A New Moon

Sorry, it has been many moons since I wrote, while getting my home ready for winter. Supervising work and doing some myself from 7 am until 4 pm. So physically exhausting I had to nap, before going to bed at night. I got a lot done in a one-week time span, and of course now I have to pay for it. One of my neighbors joking calls me Mr. Perfect, because I maintain my house, instead of letting it fall apart like some people do with their body. I maintain my house and my car, doing work before it becomes a huge problem. These are important investments, so I can be assured that they will continue to be safe and working. During this time there were several instances where I was able to put my mindfulness to work when dealing with the workers and running for supplies. I saw a few times when anger could surface and I would smile and never show my displeasure. It made people even more friendly and relaxed. This brought others and myself some calmness in the rush to get things before an announced rain…which, of course never happened.

Expanding my Bubble

I’m curious, does fear keep one away from being the person we want to be? What I mean is we often think our happiness or our goals are a long way from where we are right at this moment. So what is keeping us from using our power of imagination? Just think of a worry you have that has not even happened! One can seem to hype it up in your mind enough to make an OK day turn dreary. I know I do it time and time again. So I am beginning while meditating to imagine I have a great feeling. It can be something I like, or want that I know in my mind makes me happy and transfer that feeling to imagining I am happy. Like the happy feeling you have when in love when everything in life looks like beautiful and people don’t bother you. I, in effect, prolong the “love-like happiness’ I created and transfer it to imagining that I am the person I want to be. Hopefully I will be kinder and more compassionate in time as I go along. Thus knocking out the huge divide from where I am now to where I want to be. Perhaps, if I keep this up I will expand my bubble of happiness that I found in meditation to my normal interactions by actually being happier longer.

You Are Going Wrong Way

People reading my thoughts must think I am a very serious person. On one aspect I am, brought about by my near death experience and disability. On the other hand I find that to write fluff, it would be a waste of my time. So, if you want fun try “The Onion” or “Comedy Central Blog” and come back here for a slice of reality. But rest assured I laugh and smile at stupid stuff, even of my own doing.
I find it interesting that a $315 million powerball winner laments his loss of friends. He also endured his grand-daughter’s death from drugs and his wife leaving him. The article goes much more in depth, but money is not everything and he regrets ever winning. We cannot hold on to it, nor use it to control people. I have to constantly remind myself of this fact while paying for my partner’s college. It is his life, and my input should be only to show I care and inspire. I have my own relative’s story about money and trying to hold on to it that I may tell later. Just remember this when you put money ahead of family and friends or in the pursuit of ‘so-called happiness,” as there is no-turning back.

Offering of Bliss

Meeting my clients at their commercial building was a nice break in the day. They were looking at the progress and wanted to say how much they are happy with my work. I look forward to more work with them. They were fasting for religious reasons today, but still bought me tea and snacks. Such nice people to work for making my work easy and rewarding. I got back in my car, and got a surprise call from a senior member on my Buddhist temple saying she wanted to sponsor me for our empowerment in Singapore. I was speechless. It would be a sizable amount with air and hotel for a week. But when I really think of my responsibilities here and to my partner and mother I feel it would be a bad time to go away. It is hard to turn down a good thing, but any money I would spend would be that much less I could give my partner for school. So, I graciously turned it down, aware that these opportunities come few and far between. Uggh, now I have to closet my ego.