Waiting for the Right Time

It would be good if we could wait for things so casually. Hopefully, with a relaxed attitude we can accept each moment as it comes. This does not disturb our desires and goals, but allows free passage when the time is right. Meditation helps one to see where the mind travels quickly to what we like and dislike, running over our built-in relaxed peacefulness that rests dormant inside. I often will begin a meditation, with mind in hyper-mode of multiple thoughts jumping quickly one to the next. I first start to notice what I am doing. Next try to bring my focus to the breath, then sometimes sidetrack into another silly thought. If it becomes clear I am not focusing solely on breathing and just being in the moment I change the tactics. Instead of getting angry at myself, I just to make it my intention to change it each time to bring it back to the breath. If I still find it difficult, which happens when I have coffee or something is really bothering me. Then I will change my focus on wishing people in my life to be free from suffering, and envision myself taking their suffering away pulling it towards me like imaginary dark smoke. This works well with Type A people, which I am. You know we got to be busy! Propelling my thought train onto a positive track which leads my mind on a much more relaxed ride. Often times leading me back to my breathing naturally.

The Soft Sell of Botox

I think we are doing a horrible disservice to our young people, by not teaching them about death. It’s mainly a problem in the USA, and not elsewhere. This would entail, showing them the aging process, and maybe a trip to an old folks home. It would be important to show them how beautiful and young they were in their 20’s, to compare to their present state. Combine that teaching with the idea if we age, then we need to save for aging, and not for botox. Years ago my own dermatologist said that botox will make the muscles slowly cease to function and your skin will smooth out. Nope, I actually bought him more time to sell more to me. What you see walking out, is quickly erased in less than two months. Like any junkie you are back for more. I wish I had the money I spent on it back then.

Now, I am paying a hell of price, sitting here with brain damage caused by my pursuit of a flat stomach. Elective surgery is just that, you elect to risk your life all for what? Sure, I got a flat tummy(then) as a side dish, but also a coma and bi-lateral strokes as my main course. No matter how I rationalize this, it was still a foolish move, and I have paid tremendously. Fast forward to now, I have tried as best as I can to turn this around. To learn from my mistake. So what does a wise man faced with extraordinary circumstances do? Become wiser( I would like to say, Become extraordinarily wise!) But that will come later. This came to me, perhaps I should tell my story to ladies or gay clubs? And the sooner you find a partner who accepts you as you are, and is conciously aware of the aging process ...the better. Read my earlier posts below to see I have moved beyond this.

A Smile Always Works

loosely translated:
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or root it... Piss on it and walk away! 

Quiet! I'm talking about others.

I wanted to let you all know that even if my posts might sound too serious, it does not mean that I am an angry bore. I have fun with friends, helping them, joking about life's foibles. We occasionally talk and go on about life over wine. What I write about is my take on life and to have a good intention to be a better and happier person. There is still a funny bone contained in my body, and I even pulled it out to enable me to heal faster ...laughing at myself.

My next thought is about the very American way of talking about others to paint a funny picture. This enables us to feel better about our self. We are each are different people, so how could we ever compare? Each person has a unique history and family, full of odd characters and small tragedies. So then why do we feel so bad about our self, why do we even bother with poor self-image? Perhaps because of advertising, or peer pressure or just ennui. I am very guilty of this, and while recently hearing friends or family talking like this made me want to be more aware. It does not make one more interesting to talk of others, instead it almost better to talk of ideas and passions. So changing this, will help me to become a more interesting and less sarcastic person. As a son of a sarcastic father this will take some doing.

The World Does Not Stand Still

Often you think you have the right answer to help someone or shed some light. But more often, others do not align themselves to your individual progress or wisdom. I find it difficult, but know it is best in most circumstances to just be quiet, instead of “helpful” when it is not wanted or does not seen to be the right time. It is energy not wasted, it is way better spent on those that ask honestly or just need some help. The world does stand still for us, ever evolving… with each on their own path. Paths cross when two people happen see the commonality we all share.

That ours is a life of suffering, from minor inconveniences like sore feet to our individual expiration date. It happens that we die alone, regardless of how the movies show it. We know this deep down and avoid this realization, and continue to hurt people in our quest to think we are better. Wise friends will show up or call when I need them, offering their ideas only when prompted. Can I be as wise to others? A few times I have and been told so. But I feel it was the natural thing to do. Could it be that wisdom and compassion exists in us untapped? Do we have to suffer to understand kindness? My idea is to take suffering and transform it into Buddhist wisdom.

Adopt to Give a Better Life

I spoke with my partner about possibly setting a time frame to move to Thailand. He said when we live together we will take his immature sister’s twin boys to take care of them. This is so we can make sure they do well in school and have a better future than she would have provided. They were an ‘accident,’ and I have known about them since before they were born. I carried them when little, so they know me as grandpa farang. If they stay in their home village they end up being laborers with less schooling. There are few roll models around that push school. At times I have helped with money for their school at times. But since my partner is not there making sure they are diligent, their future is less than rosy. I also worry about them since their Father is out the picture, and their Mom is often in Sweden with new husband…leaving them with grandma. My mother-in-law knows I love her son, and trusts us with the twins and can rule over any concern her daughter has. One thing nice about having to do most of the care of the two boys, Grandma reigns.

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

The problem with coming back after a great time with my partner, is that home becomes a lot less like home. You are such in a fog of jet lag and delirious behavior that you can’t really focus. I flew out again after four days to see family after quickly doing all my bills. I do marvel at the fact that super shuttle has shown me more of my city, that I would not normally see. The return trips are even more a mad hatters ride of non-sense. They logged in my zip code(to make me feel that they got this under control), 15 minutes later told me which van to get on, and sure enough I went downtown with tourists far from my home. So, I decided to ask the driver once they all got out, if he could stop by an ATM to pay him. I even toyed with the idea of asking him, if he wanted to stop for a drink. But he looked as happy as I was and I nixed the idea. Since we drove way across town with me alone, effectively canceling any time savings I would have by not walking home from the airport. It never makes sense when my house is the closest to the airport freeway, and normally I would be first in, first out. So, I took this as yet another lesson in patience and put on the ipod.