The Hidden Buddha

The day after a full day of meditation that brings the Buddha out of you. I was much more calm and even tempered and quite relaxed. I am always reminded in a good way to keep doing it, seeing slight progress nearly every time. Today, I answered a posting by a woman who wanted to know what to do with her life and was open to suggestions. I told her about a Japanese woman I met with my partner while traveling. She was alone traveling all over S.E. Asia writing a blog and getting financial support by Japanese men at home to timid to do what she did as a woman. It brings me to the point that we have a lot more freedom to do whatever we want in life and often feel hampered by our own mind. Is it the fear of change? Or, trying to be so safe we often miss out on the fun and exciting things this world has to offer. The simple fact of leaving our own little world is very liberating. I used to joke, looking at the carpet in someone's house..."No, I'll just follow the path!"

The Mind is Never Abandoned

I am feeling sort of like I abandoned my sister and her son since I got back from seeing them. We both have talked since I returned and we both feel the void. I was told that even their dog, who I liked was acting funky. I can’t complain because I had a good visit, now can I?
So I took the great opportunity that just happened to come up today, a day-long meditation on Lamrim. It was four of the twenty-one meditations, with breaks in between. It gave me time to make my practice better and to think about everything happening right now. I won’t hint that it was easy, because it wasn’t, even for someone like me who meditates at least four times a week for under an hour. Luckily, each session was guided with teachings in advance by my teacher. This is the same one who inspired me and keeps me on track for learning more. I dedicated all the merit I acquired to my Mom. This may sound silly after the feelings about my sister and her son stated earlier, but Mom created our ability to be a close family.

Flight of Happiness

Today, I had a couple of weird events happen. One was an acquaintance texting me, and detailing his problems that are reoccurring. At the end of one message he complained and then added don’t tell him to do anything that I find works to quiet the mind like meditation, temple or exercise. I finally had to call him, and just say then what the hell do you want?(A friend brought this to my attention, that doesn't sound like me. It was not what I said, just a shortened version of my point) Condemn my solutions, ignore my common sense ideas I propose every time he whines, then go see professional help or just leave me alone. I can’t offer you comfort that you will never hold on to. Which brings to the conclusion I expounded to him about... is that you will never find happiness outside of yourself. The minute you give over your own power to have happiness to other people or things you will fail to find it. Lovers, friends, money and health cannot be depended on to make one happy. Just look at your past love, and how you once loved them and now at best, they are casual friends. Or a friend in the past that is now an enemy. Every thing in life changes, except for how you think about it.
The other thing that happened was a client who was late to their last minute change appointment. Upon arriving they really don’t have clear idea why they called me or what they want to do. Nor did they want to pay me to dig it out. I left befuddled but not upset, stopping by the park to pick berries and then go home for a nap.

A Quick Trip

Back after a quick trip to take care of family when my sister needed with her son, when his school and her work schedule did not jive. It gave me a chance to build up a bond with him over the week-long time I had alone with him. We did a lot of different things from riding on go-carts one day to going to a science museum another day to diving for shells other days. I rode with him on this all day pass on the rollercoaster, doing it because it was what he wanted to do. It was something I always dreamed of doing as a child. I managed 42 times on it, before chilling out when he found a young friend to ride with. This allowed him the independence. A great trip to show you how important family is and how children overlook a disability when they know where your heart is.
I had returned to the place I spent many years as a kid, and came away very satisfied with my current choice of home. Sure there was a lot of memories good and bad there and I would often slip into them because they were so distant from where I am now both mentally and physically.

Relish Gray Areas

I have always found that seeing things not as black and white helps to make us more understanding. If you are able to see the gray areas then you are able to compromise more often. Of course this comes against the American sense of being right all the time. Today, my client saw something she liked better than my proposal, so I reluctantly incorporated my idea with it. I am against it, but it is not worth the discussion why my ideas are better. Instead, making them happy will serve both of us better in the long run. Sure, it makes me wonder why hire a professional, and then not take his or her thought out concept But who am I? Now you can take this idea into everyday life, when you come up against conflict with people and friends. Try to see it in shades of gray that can be interpreted a wide variety of ways, and look towards final outcome that is amicable. What a great beautiful day, and here I am with a B&W shot. I am in a great mood and will show you all some color, soon!

Road of Life

The road of life is beautiful but filled with many hazards. One of which can be the relationships with friends and others. We can make a mistake whether it was intentional or not and still pay the price regardless. So meeting for my latest job now this afternoon, I was aware of everything I did and said. Making my client comfortable with who I am and how I got here. Without this they can't imagine an accomplished disabled person. This helps tremendously because it gives them a sense of the hard road I traveled, and makes them feel included it what would normally be a secret. Believe it or not explaining this makes them relax, because the unasked questions are answered. I have noticed that they feel more like family when included, and less like looking at a car wreck on the side of the road!

Now, Which Room?

Well, I got the commercial job, and it is working with nice people. It will provide me with an important piece for my book. I am excited about making the building handsome and inviting because it is in a famous area. It also has ‘great bones’ like my mom used to say to me when looking for a mate or for that matter a house. Speaking of mate, I got to chat with my partner when he got his college grades and it was another bonding moment. Sadly his misses me, but this is one of the many facts of being gay with no rights. We, at least, don’t let this stop us, even after 6 years with our long range plan of uniting permanently when he graduates from college. After a long day with two clients and an early meeting planned tomorrow, it looks like I have a full weekend making the world a “purdee” place. At least this makes others and me happy. Warming up the magical wand!