Prancing Out an Old Saying

I find it interesting to watch my feelings now that Prop. 8 case was ruled in our favor. Not that I expected anything else as there was never a good anti-marriage case presented. Did my happiness at any time base itself on this case? I have to really examine how much I let exterior forces sway my personal happiness. …even a little. With the love I have from my partner, who often says being involved in politics is messy, it really doesn't matter. If I can marry him or not will never change what we have, so I am more involved in watching my mind and the effects of all this hate shined on this matter. But like we used to say in Jr. High, “You are not the boss of me!” And if it was worded “You are not the boss of my mind,” it would be better and almost dhamma like. Maybe earning a Buddhalicious stamp of approval. My mind and how I feel is my business and a little more legal rights will be great, but ultimately is never the sole determining factor for my happiness. I have been through a lot worse.

Mind Casting

When I feel like the next thing that I do or get done, that I will be happier upon finishing… I am reminded that I am not being present. We all often think to the future even when it is only 5 minutes down the road of life or to the past when can recall pleasant things or past traumas that we feel great being away from. When I find myself thinking towards a better bite or better mental image I tell myself I am mind casting.
Lately, I have been gathering my old photos and negatives and sending them back to the people I shot. One old friend had tears in his eyes when I gave them back to him...it touched him so. Of course it bring up some old nostalgia about those that were friends, while at the same time bringing ideas of my future once my partner finishes his masters. All of this happens in the mind, the past being gone and the future was never here. This mental conjuring that I do signal some discomfort that I am presently feeling. It more often that not means I should sit down and meditate. This would put me back into my body faster and allow time to explore all what I am feeling internally.

I have enjoyed a friend visiting, a fellow seeker who brings my path directly to me. We talk a lot, and meditate together when we can. He also exposes me to his ideas spurring me to think about pure awareness, alone, separate from any path. This pure awareness is not something that comes out of books, but deeper meditation and conscious mindfulness while awake as to the real wisdom that lies within. I am really trying to be mindful of everything I do, maybe not at every minute like my friend who has given up most everything he had but a backpack. But everyone’s path is different, and the circumstances that bring us to the desire for wisdom and seeing life as it truly is…is absent of mind casting.

A Reminder of Other's Greatness

Today, I sat down in the park after buying a card for my sister, and I took my wallet out to not sit on it. Forgetting, I placed it beside my numb side, and thought I picked up with the card, but instead walked off leaving in the park. Not more than 2 minutes later I got a call on my cell phone by the man who found it. I rushed back to meet him, and he would take no money for it.

Thank you so much....you knew that the good deed or karma would come back to you. For you from me:
Translated from the end of the Twenty Eight Buddha's Protection (Atanatiya Paritta in Pali):

May all calamities be avoided, may all illness pass away,
May no dangers threaten you, may you be happy and long-lived,
Greeted kindly and welcome everywhere.
May four things accrue to you:
long life, beauty, bliss, and strength.




On Tuesday, we said our Good-byes to Ajahn Amaro when he left for Amaravati Monastery. Ajahn Anandabodhi of Aloka Vihara had the brilliant idea of throwing rose petals on him while chanting blessings. As well as cleaning up before we left the airport. I arrived early enough to meet him when he arrived in the garage with dark chocolate for his long flight. He saw me, and said to the others, "This is no random stranger, but a friend."

A Hug ...Full of Stories

While preparing dinner, my friend played great jazz, and made a fresh margarita for me. I was I missing my partner, so I said yes to just one glass. We were joking and carrying on about his birthday party last week, he called two friends to join us. When through with the call, he said add that “mojo” spice I used last week on his midnight pizzas to the chard I was cooking. A little tipsy from the margarita, I did not notice that while I unscrewed the top, taking with it the other part , and dumped a hell of a lot in the pan...oops. I said what the hell, what’s a little spice in our life. We laughed. My friend grabbed spoon, and washed several spoonfuls of hot onions under water in the sink and put them back in the hot pan. We got at least half out, but knew it would be a spicy kick that no one would suspect in one of the galettes we were assembling for our dinner. It would lie over the beets and cheese. We were in stitches, and I gave him a quick hug. He said, “What is that for?”

How do you connect with friends not on a spiritual path? Just enjoy the time spent with them. So, I replied, “just a thank you.”
I could not begin to tell him adequately what happened last Sunday, when I went to the Nun’s vihara for pujas and meditation. After the Pali chant, a meditation, and a reading from a book. We all took a walk on the beach, and the nun, Anandabodhi grabbed a vase full of water from the shrine. She told me that they and others are praying on the water from the ocean and putting it back every few days. I said a great idea and I was amazed I had not heard of it. “Would I like to carry it?” I said, “Sure!” Telling me that when I get to the ocean, to not just dump it back in, but also walk in the water, collect your thoughts, praying for all the people involved and the suffering animals. Holding in your mind the fact that we are 70-75% water and our connection, while the ocean caresses your skin. Then mindfully put in back, wishing it health, and then say a prayer, later picking up some fresh vase full. Picking up some loose seaweed nearby to add, and the nun added a handful of sand to the water. A fellow temple member took the vase from my hands to carry back. We were walking back, me carrying up the rear because I wanted to stop at my car to grab a cloth to wipe the sand from my damp feet. Not wanting to track back it into the vihara.

All of a sudden a woman came out of nowhere towards me. “Can you give me a ride home?” I could smell the alcohol on her breath, so I was a bit perplexed but could tell she was little distressed. She needs me rings in my head. Hearing this Anandabodhi turned around and was watching this. I just said, “Sure,” while thinking this will be weird ending to the evening. With my brain injury and the confusion around, I dropped my key, and was looking for it….using the time to assess what I was getting myself into. I am pretty good with figuring out people’s intentions. The woman was relieved, and then Anandabodhi said to the woman from afar, “That man is upstanding,” giving me the good nuns seal of approval. I was tickled and smiled and said, “Well, Goodbye and thank you.”

I found my key, unlocked her door, and then went around to my side. She was saying thank you to me in the car, as I started it and turned on the heat and got out my ipod. Connecting it, I put on some nice soothing music, new Bakti from Jai Uttal. The woman told me where she lived, and I drove her home, with nice chanting playing, to relax her some, while my passenger sang to the chant. She gradually got relaxed enough to tell me a few things, allowing us to connect like a scene out of Night on Earth. I did not pry and she did not tell why she was down at the ocean at night. I just talked about how important the nuns are, and a spiritual path and telling her said she stop by to say hi. We talked all the way to her house, ending with a hug. That same hug I shared with my friend later.

A Sweet Taste

A friend I had known for nearly 3 decades was having an important birthday party. I know his intention were to make it an event for all his friends and family. It was important to him, and what better way to be a good friend than to help him as much as my time permitted.

It is his style to joke with me about who I have evolved to, instead of coming to a real understanding of what made me look beyond. And what I might have tried and how it works or doesn't.

Over the couple days there were a few things he said, that I could have decided to let it bother me. I made the decision not to get angry or take things personal, because that was really never his intention when he said them. They were said out of ignorance or just in humor, his humor. And I could see why with the pressure of pulling this whole thing together with family flying in. It was not like his was unappreciative, buying dinner when we worked setting it up.

I saw this opportunity to experience a small taste of enlightenment, you can get when you pull yourself out of the big bad trio of greed, hatred or delusion. Well, it all went according to plan in a relaxed way. On the day, I arrived early and got involved in cooking and cleaning so he could go and enjoy himself that day. After midnight while I was cleaning and I helped whip up some midnight snacks while people were enjoying themselves, because this was gift I could give. It is far easier to do, than to talk for me, especially in a loud environment of a party. And when I left that night, there was a real honest hug of appreciation by my friend. Today, he and his family dropped by my house to say hello and sign of how much this meant to him. I have to constantly remind myself, we can enjoy the sweet taste of enlightenment when we relax our expectations.

Compassion Flash

I recently went away to see family and in a brief moment of compassion, I offered my house to a new friend who was in town. Normally, unless it is a very close friend or family I wouldn't bother. Looking forward to less power and water use as one of few small perks when one is away. Examining this momentary compassion surge that appeared when I took me out of the picture for just one second and offered my house. Now, I wonder about my true Buddha nature and my untapped ability to be a more compassionate being. How often do you catch yourself being the one who knows? Just being aware led me further to get groceries for this friend, to give freely and naturally knowing that I could die anytime. Do you want your last gesture to be miserly?

Fun and Inspiring Self-Repair Weekend

A day of meditation on love and compassion with the wisdom of the Buddhist Nuns on Saturday, and July 4th evening spent chanting and meditating with Jai Uttal, Radhanath Das with the beautiful flute playing of Menose. All this helped smooth my rough spots without drugs or drinking. After a nice weekend like this, peace comes easier without any fireworks.

Sample of Kirtan with Jai Uttal and Radhanath Das:

Sample of Menose:

Count Your Lucky Stars!

After being sick and then off on a trip to see family it gave a me a brief time off to review my life’s progress or lack there of. I often feel the pinch of self-pity, so I know the best remedy is to have gratitude for what you do have. One person that I am very grateful for is my close friend who is always there. Over a cup of tea he will listen to me complain and will be quiet, never reprimanding me but instead letting me vent until I see that it is going nowhere. He does this quite diplomatically, letting me figure out how ridiculous I sound to myself and thus ending it by his unengaged way. He lets my own wisdom shine clear past any perceived difficulties, and on to greater more important things. His Buddha-nature is natural and not forced, learned through years of teaching children and though his own suffering. Yes, we all suffer, just when you think you got the market cornered on it. I have learned a lot from him more by example then by him pointing out how I could change or getting frustrated by my behavior. Often when he is gone from a visit, it all begins to click on what I need to be more aware of. It is more often rare to hear him complain after a bad day at school, although he feels welcome to do so when he wants. He is often helping others free and tirelessly in art events, be it poetry, dance or performance. A multi-talented friend who does not brag, but instead spends the energy that usually encompasses to expand his talents or to share his expertise. Just writing this down does not seem to give him the justice he deserves, it makes the reality of my good fortune to have him as a friend all the more significant. I did not know him before my injury so he can’t really see how far I have come, but trust his wisdom of my value as his friend.

The other day when I had the Buddhist nuns over for tea, he just happened to join us unplanned, and it was nice to just shut up and let his merits just shine. Lucky me to have two important forces of change for the better in my life meet. He later commented on how wise and happy they were. I didn’t think they would ever cross paths, as he is not a Buddhist.
Just before I took off to see family I made him aware of the important role he plays in my life and he told me likewise as being one of the few people he sees on a regular basis for friendship and support. I know if I do leave to live overseas with my partner when he finishes school, he will be one important friend I will miss. Lucky me!

The Shaded Path

I've got to watch what I say, what I think and how I act, a subtle reminder when you find you are sick. Driving the nuns, brought some light in with a dhamma talk and a great meditation. Telling stories on the way back was a delightful way to end a Friday night.

Used for Science in a Good Way

I just found out that a Dr. friend will study my body to use it for the quest for better and more effective pain drugs to help others. Since I can't use it to its full advantage, might at well let others use it. So happy that I wanted to share this song with you.

The Crumpled Paper

I carry up the end of the line not wanting to walk ahead of the ajahns to do walking meditation on the beach on Vesak Day. We are all silent, I put my hand in my pocket and feel a crumpled piece of paper. I pull it out and want to throw it away, it is just a piece of paper I washed and dried with my pants …it can’t be that important.

I throw it towards a trash can, it bounces off the edge, I chuckle, it is begging me to read it, I guess. I pick it up and peeling it back carefully like a 3000yr old papyrus, I realize it is a dedication note for a shrine, I had rewritten to place on shrine after a weekend about a year ago.

The first line was to a friend who was having terrible time in a difficult relationship, and before I got to the second line, my phone vibrates and see a text from the same friend asking me to lunch. All things pass, he is now fine and removed from the pain he experienced, then. Many years ago, in everyday life, he gave me my first dhamma lesson about what is important(People vs Things). The second line is to my sister suffering from mental illness, and the third to my mother to give her strength with the pains of aging. I give it some thought about when these might pass. While the others walk silently along the shore, I lie down and sleep on the sand between sea grass humps, sometimes I can’t fight the exhaustion, a gift of this brain injury. Surprisingly, I woke up just as the group returned, joining them in the same place in line that I had before…. no one knew the difference.

Karma Washing

As a treat of compassion, I made plans to drive Buddhist Nuns to see Amma thinking they have never seen her. They had seen her in England a few times and even traveled to Amritapuri, Kerala to her home to see her once. Thursday is the quiet day at the Vihara, and no plans on the calendar it made sense. We packed the day in, to include a hospital visit after, and to conclude with chai at my house before they had to return. Now, I have seen Amma twice in the past who helped to inspire my Buddhist path to begin regular temple attendance, my hospital volunteering, making merit like painting a temple, setting up and helping out at various events.




The energy was high, the people happy, and the children amazing in a world of love. Having arrived early enough to get a token to receive darshan within the first hour, we settled down and talked about seeing her and to the people around us. sitting next to me was a wise 1 yr.old girl with her mother, who still had connections to her previous life(as it seemed to us). When the beautiful chant started just before Amma’s arrival, I got tears in my eyes. The Ajahn sitting next to me, pulled out a tissue, but I said I am fine, and enjoying my tears. It feels wonderful and no longer afraid to express emotion, a by-product of my brain injury. There was video of Amma helping poor around the world that had been showing the whole time while we waited which helped to prime my heart. Amma’s entry was still very casual entry where she walked through the ashram to her chair, and started very shortly thereafter to hug people. The Ajahns went first, and then I followed. I just watched people because most have a lot more love than average person on the street. I approached with the guidance of her helpers and was treated to a long almost double hug. I could not really say anything, and sat close by after her embrace to watch others. While there a smiliing girl of about 18 who was working for Amma, came up to the Ajahns knowing who they are. She said her parents nursed Ajahn Sumedho when he had a broken leg in Europe when she was a little girl. It was fun to watch her story unfold.

Later, when we had tea at my house to show the Ajahns my collection of saints before I sell them to pay for my partner's masters and perhaps a PHD later. One of the Ajahns liked one of the small old saint photos I had on my wall, so I gave it to her.


Amma’s love blessings continued today, when I came home I noticed a car with a huge blue stains on the side. One kid from school, had been playing with a pen that exploded all over the car and they were just trying to clean it up with paper towels. I went into my garage and got some goof-off and a rag and ran over to help. I managed to get most of it off, while the girl was still crying and covered in ink. I told the Mom, to use some rubbing compound on it or to hurry over to a detail shop to have them buff off the residue. All her kids came over and shook my hand, so surprised a stranger would help.

Really Never Have a Fixed Idea

I was beginning to think I am lucky, when I see some other people going through life’s hurdles. Looking at what part of my ego needs to think this, and maybe it is the comparing mind. Or, it is the part that wants to label something, and put a check mark in my head as been there and lay it aside. If I think it is done, then I will get to more important stuff? What is exactly is that? I am not going to solve the oil spill by worrying about it. Nor or you going to solve a relationship problem by guessing everything that can possibly go through the other person’s head. It is becoming clearer to me that just when you think you know it ...you don’t.

Recalling the dream that woke me up to write this. I helped a friend some 20 years ago burned out of his apartment, by letting him stay with me. There was some attraction involved even before the fire and one night after dinner we got a little hot. I stopped it because I cared enough about him to not to let it go anywhere that would put him in a weird space in my house. So, it transpired into laughter… lighthearted laughter. I honestly cared about him, regardless of the outcome. Is that what we really wanted, that night? Not to get lost in sex to forget life’s great inconsistencies, but instead to laugh it all off. Because we really don’t know anything, like why life puts some people together under odd circumstances and throws others apart. Why a seemingly tragic event to one person, is an awakening to another?


My dream consisted of us starting to have sex and instead ending up with us tickling each other. So I woke up laughing. Because laughter between two people is one of the great shared experiences. We might have friends that agree with our view of life(at this current time), but the nuances of what determines this will never make it an ideal shared experience. “You don’t see it like I do!” How many times have we heard this the minute one has doubt in the ways are? To align things with what seems to you to be their place will work one moment and not another. There are too many variables that just point us into taking life as it is. Simple things can truly bind people…like love and caring with a little laughter thrown in. Laughing, because we don’t know what really is next…ever.

One Less Email to Answer

With Dennis Hopper's death, as well as several people in my life over the last few years, it gives me time to realize how lucky I am. Here is some of Hopper's work, including some of his self-portraits and civil rights photos. It is really interesting how those that were close remain alive with our memories of them. It points to the importance of our role to make our life as meaningful as we can. To get a jump start on our reincarnation by planting the seeds in other's minds and hearts.

The Phat Truck

PHOTO: NOBODIES

Picture yourself in a tree-lined quiet neigh-borhood, which is definitely not mine with a school across the street and a bus line that runs up and down. I am on my porch and watching the neighbor across the street pulling 360’s in the street in a display of machismo for his friends riding with him in his Phat truck. I have seen this many times before, but now I happen to be outside in full view of this childish display. I am known for saying the right thing to the right person, and often will say something regardless of any danger…that is in the past.

So, I am getting heated up, and charge over once they stop their truck, mad but not stupid. The blood flushing into my face, just dying to just give him a piece of my mind that I almost float over my grass. But then suddenly, I feel a sharp pain and I am having a heart attack and in few quick seconds the only thing I see in the grass coming up quickly to my face because I am falling down ...dying. I black out just after the grass tickles my face.

That is how I wake up from this dream, and I ponder its subject. I know on my wisdom path I am slowly getting less likely to put myself in these situations, and even more likely to first go, compliment him on his truck and finesse a simple request such as... it is all good, but better in a less populated area. Also things have a way of playing themselves out…good or bad, regardless of my input. This was a reminder once again to think hard about what the real final outcome of a difficult problem, and more often that not…keep my mouth shut.

A Heart-Felt Wish

Very few times in life you meet a person that is truly a wisdom body, where everything they do and say is pure. I was lucky enough to meet that person in Dr. Acchandrapisit Pingchaiyawat(Dr. Aphisit) a source of inspiration on my path. He comes to mind when chanting Reflections on Shared Blessings. He is trying to build an international dhamma centre and is in need of $30,000.

An opportunity to help Dr. Aphisit.

Thursday, May 6, 2010 at 8:59am
As many of you know, Dr Aphisit has a visionary idea for developing an international dhamma centre just on the land behind Wat Sri Boon Ruang where the Monk for a Month program is run.

The land was largely donated by local owners who support Dr Aphisit's dream of a community centre. It is a place where people from around the world will come to learn and practise dhamma and shall also provide resources for the local community including facilities such as pre-schools, schools, hospitals and hospices. The land is adjacent to the temple 'burning place' where the local funerals are conducted. Dr Aphisit has often said his vision is to create a centre that will care for the community from birth, through life and even through death.

It is a beautiful vision of the future, a great example of socially-engaged Buddhism and together with the many meditation huts intended to be built, represents a real global centre for applied Buddhism and international spirituality.

A recent development is that one of the owners, who is from a distant part of Thailand, has found an alternate buyer for the 30 acre property and is requesting that the temple pay something for the land in the next week or risk losing the entire project. This has come as an unexpected surprise and all hands are on deck to ensure it doesn't happen.

This land is an ideal spot for Dr Aphisit's vision, it is flat area with lovely clear views of the mountains along the border. This is something that many of us would love to be involved in supporting.

So here's our chance. The temple needs around $30 000 in the following days in order to step forward and secure this property and move closer to making the vision a reality.

We are calling on all friends of Dr. Aphisit

to help him reach this target.

You can send money to:
Krung Thai Bank
Account Name : Buddhist Community Development Centre
Account Number : 532-0-19920-1
(SWIFT CODE - KRTHTHBK)

OR

You can do a PayPal transfer to Blood Foundation here http://bloodfoundation.org/blood/main/paypal-donation and we will ensure the temple gets your donation.

The Monk for a Month project is contributing 20 000 Baht ($620) to this important project. All contributions are welcome. If we each pitch in a bit we can help them to get there.

If you do support this project please send us an email to info@monkforamonth.com to alert us.

Dr Aphisit will certainly be aware of who has been able to help him at this time.

We hope you are able to share in the fulfilment of this dream, the vision of a man who has been a friend to so many of us.

This is the time.

With Kindness,
Ben Bowler

A Monk's Story

Inspirational Shan Monk Phra Wierote is abbot of a temple-school along the Burma border. Having lived through many hardships he now lives his life dedicated to serving the many young ones in his care.

Yesterday, I drove a Buddhist Nun to a dhamma talk and a sit. During her talk this came to me when answering someone's question about the danger of becoming attached to a particular outcome. There is beauty in tragedy. That is... even if it is not what we want at that time, one begins to see the beauty of a viewpoint previously unseen or unfelt before. We often can't change the tragedies of life, but hopefully we might understand or integrate them in a whole new way.

Like a Candy Apple

photo: sburke2478

I whooped a two week down cycle that is natural effect of human existence, and came back to some kind of normal, which I managed to do by doing kind things for others and taking 5-HTP. After my first good day, I had a dream that night that I am kind of like a candy apple, a hard outside protecting a soft and perishable inside. That actually came in the dream along with experiences labeling the fact that my near death was really a “death.” I was brought back to life from my hospital nightmare not like in regular human body, but with the sole purpose of making merit and helping others. In the dream I would visit those that can see me, and others I would be right beside them and they no idea I was there. It may seem like a weird calling dream, and it may have been triggered with the letter to Carlos, or a Thai friend who upon helping him figure out Paypal, and sent money so he could pay his first Ebay bill, said, “you are such a good friend.” I did express to him how much I appreciated him showing me temples and places when my partner was busy with school, so I felt I could spend a couple hours figuring out his problem. It is so important to honor people who honor you, and it came across in my dream. Perhaps, I had not done enough of that before my “death.”

So, for the ones who do see me, in the context of my dream, I am there to help them. They are not fooled because they act upon seeing a good heart, or maybe it is just a repaired one.

Pope Calls Gay Marriage an Insidious Threat

STOP BULLYING, NOW!

KICK THE LOWEST DOG ...his oldest Nazi ways are coming back. For the Pope to say this means he is totally running scared with all the clerical abuse. You will not dictate who I love and fortunately you are not the ruler of the world. Watch out, I might teach your clergy how to really love! STOP BULLYING, NOW!

This is Your Mind on Purpose

Philip Anderson artist

There is an older man in my Sangha that I often see in my temple, and other sittings. We have been to one 5-week class together, so at least I am familiar face. Tonight, we sat for a 40-minute meditation followed by a stellar dhamma talk, after which I turned back and saw his smiling face. While leaving, I said, “Keep it fun!” ….putting my hand on his. He said, “You are fun!” and we launched into a conversation about dhamma and life. At one point I said, "The older I get I realize that I don't know anything." He replied, "By saying this you know something." What he doesn’t know he is one of models for how to wisely deal with aging….with a smile. Because no matter how many years you have lived on this earth, if end up being a grumpy, old, “been-there-done-that” kind of man you will never get to share your wisdom with anyone. If you are like this man, smiling even with a body that is falling apart, and skin heading south …then the world is your oyster and people will come to you. You will never die lonely and forgotten wondering what the hell life was really for.

So here is my card to Carlos, when I see him next.

"Enchanted Tripitika", near Patravadi Theatre

I have often look to your smiling face, as inspiration on this path, as so many get caught up with making this a serious, “get it done” endeavor. Your smile rewards people with a vision that is beyond the me, that we so dearly protect and helps point us all to a life that puts aside the misery and fear associated with aging. It signals the lightness of your being that is awake with possibilities of mindfulness, knowing that it is a conscious decision to smile with all unknowns of life. You are one model that comes to my mind on this wisdom path. I am not that far away from you in age but still miles from the smile you share with the world.

Thank you.

The Don't Know Mind

Most of the time when I engage in a sit, whether it regular daily meditation or a group sit I do it knowing it is probably the most important thing I can do to alleviate my regular human suffering. If enlightenment ever comes it will be a great addition to the benefits of a regular sitting practice. I have said in previous posts that I do see a lighter approach to life, in general since I started daily sits.

Last night, I wanted to go have a beer while walking to my group sit, but decided that to forgo a good 40-minute meditation for the temporary happiness of a pint of beer began to seem like a foolish idea. It was a good call, and once I made the decision quickly I happily continued on to the sit. Arriving to see a substitute for my normal teacher, who I have heard once before. I told myself, just relax with any expectations. I greeted her and helped set up and sat down. I had a diverse sit, beginning with all the noise of people arriving late, and her dog checking out all the people one-by-one which made me break into a smile when he came around quietly. My technique, besides just watching the breath is to just see what arrives to my mind. I can go from single pointed concentration to a wide-open sky approach and back. The only thing I do very consciously is bring the mind back if it wonders too far in panacha(obsessional thought). Concluding my meditation, which towards the end when I dissolved my body to my pleasant surprise, the teacher talked about what kind of meditation is best for states of boredom or anxiety. Introducing the single-pointed concentration for boredom, and the wide-open sky approach for the anxious mind where the don't know mind seems appropriate. I think for me, the feelings I have can range between both at any time, sometimes masking one state for another. I was very interesting to hear a dhamma talk about resting in the Don’t Know mind.

So often we want to attack meditation like house-cleaning or book learning with our western sensibilities, thinking that once completed we will automatically advance to higher level...or be OK. We think we are whipping the unknowns of life by always “doing” something. How often do you relax around not knowing while not doing anything? If we approach meditation when we are anxious with the Don’t Know mind the relaxation about life will creep into everyday life. I can’t ignore the unknowns of life by keeping myself busy. Things will happen at their own rate, and to be more relaxed in general will be a huge asset when life gets tough. So, I guess I really don't know.

All Actions with Intention...

Photo by Ronald L. Haeberle

be they skillful or harmful, of such acts will be their heirs.

— last line from reflections on universal well-being, Pali Prayer

“There is not a day that goes by that I do not feel remorse for what happened that day in My Lai,” Calley. His voice started to break when he added, “I feel remorse for the Vietnamese who were killed, for their families, for the American soldiers involved and their families. I am very sorry.”

William Calley, the former Army lieutenant convicted of 22 counts of murder in the infamous My Lai Massacre in Vietnam, publicly apologized. Some 41 years later. Whatver the intention, he is still living with it.

This may be an extreme example..but this incident in history, played such an important roll in my young life, and made my parents keep me out of the military. I saw this when I was ten without the internet. Did it keep Abu Ghraib from happening? Sadly, no. I am hoping I can use this to help me with being more mindful with my intentions.

Monastic Weekend

“Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience.”

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is Dana?

I was wrapping up a beautiful Vietnamese Mother and Child painting for my yoga teacher who is expecting a baby soon. I felt a pinge of stingyness, as this one, was a painting I enjoyed in my home for many years. Dismissed this fairly easy, knowing that I felt this would a great gift for such a kind soul. It was truly my intention to give her something as important as her presence has been in classes. Always consistent, never a surprise and her classes were calming. She feels to me to be a meditator, but maybe just her karma. One day, I said to a few friends in class that her baby will be just as sweet as she is. That baby will be so lucky! She has been teaching nearly right up to her due date. Tomorrow is last class before she delivers...and hope she is there. Dana can be the food you give the monks, the money to a temple, a helping hand to a stranger or volunteering in your hospital. In my photograph, Alang got flowers along with food on our morning Alms round. Cultivating generosity through dana is one perfection I still have not quite mastered as evident by the feelings I had earlier. Still learning.

The six perfections are:
Dana paramita, perfection of giving
Shila paramita, perfection of discipline
Kshanti paramita, perfection of patience
Virya paramita, perfection of exertion
Dhyana paramita, perfection of meditation
Prajna paramita, perfection of wisdom

A Thank You to Three Smart Women

This is my thank you to three women that have made a huge difference in this planet and helped to inspire others.

"Save The Bay was founded in 1961, as "Save San Francisco Bay Association" by three East Bay women who were watching the Bay disappear before their eyes. Kay Kerr, Sylvia McLaughlin and Esther Gulick set out to stop the City of Berkeley’s plan to double in size by filling in the shallow Bay off-shore. They mobilized thousands of members to stop the project, and their resounding victory was repeated on Bay fill projects around the region.

This first modern grassroots environmental movement in the Bay Area won a revolutionary change - tens of thousands of Save The Bay members forced the State of California to acknowledge that the Bay belonged to the public. Save The Bay won a legislative moratorium against placing fill in the Bay in 1965, the McAteer-Petris Act. The Bay Conservation and Development Commission (BCDC) was established by the State to plan protection of the Bay, regulate shoreline development, and ensure public access, which at the time was almost non-existent.

BCDC became a permanent agency in 1969, and continues today, the first coastal zone management agency and the model for most others in the world. The agency Save The Bay created has prevented most additional Bay fill, and since BCDC’s inception there has actually been a small net gain in the size of the Bay through tidal marsh restoration. Agency permits for development along the Bay have mandated new public shoreline access, increasing from only four miles of access in 1969 to over 200 miles today.

Save The Bay fought to close the garbage dumps ringing the shoreline, and stop raw sewage flowing untreated into the Bay. We helped establish the San Francisco Bay National Wildlife Refuge and helped stop the Peripheral Canal from draining more of the Bay’s fresh water from upstream and we fight to protect the Bay from today's biggest threats - pollution and sprawl.

For nearly 50 years, Save The Bay has given San Francisco Bay a voice, and helped shift public attitudes from complacency to vigilance. Today, Save The Bay continues to be the largest regional organization working to protect, restore and celebrate this great natural treasure by advocating for strong policies that protect the Bay from pollution and inappropriate shoreline development; restoring habitat to re-establish 100,000 acres of wetlands; and engaging and inspiring more than 25,000 supporters and thousands of students annually."

Reminders of Other's Suffering

Sitting in a full plane in a window seat, the gentleman near my age in the middle seat leaned over just after I sat down and said, “Do you live in San Francisco?” I said yes and he told me that all his money and documents were stolen in Hawaii, and he is flying back to go to the German consulate to get passport and a ticket home. So, I asked the guy at aisle seat, since he had an Iphone, to please look up the address to it in the city. That guy later bought him a beer since he had no credit card, but then went back to his movie on his computer with earplugs.

I drew out on paper how to get there in detail once I knew the address. I could sense his anxiety and the need to talk to me. He wasn't overly talkative, and respectful. And over the course of the almost two hour flight he told me bits and pieces of how he arrived at this difficult time in life. I said to him I would show him where to go, and get a better map when we arrived, since I am not a rush to get home. I said it is a waste of money to stay in a hotel, since you are short of cash, just shower here at the airport and grab the BART to the city in the morning when they open.

He proceeded to tell me he got divorced from his wife about two years ago, and she got the house, sparing him the half million mortgage debt. Which I pointed out was one good thing to rest your brain on. But this left him with no home, and lost his job as a horticulturist with the market downturn. He told me he even has a PHD, which I could tell amazed him he ended up in this position. He got unemployment, and it ran out this year, and housing and food being so expensive in Kauai he ended up at friend’s houses, and then the street where he his money and passport were stolen. He said, “This all I have after 10 years in Kauai pointing to a bag under the seat.” I shared my story with him, my losses, etc and it seemed to help.

When we arrived at the airport we walked together so I could show him where to go, and while he went outside to smoke, I went downstairs to get an airport and city map. I found him again and we sat down at a table while he had a beer, and went over the directions and how to get to the embassy and get a ticket home to see his sister and get back on his feet. We talked for over an hour, and he asked me, "How long did it take to get back after your losses?" Choosing not to tell him that I really haven't, because that would make him feel less anxious. I told him instead what I think is positive... that it took me to explore new methods of thinking about me, life and lead me to Buddhism. I said most of the hard part is in your mind, how you perceive your trouble and that is where you should start. He expressed his fear he did not want to end up dead so soon, so he was consciously not taking any drugs or drinking too much, so he was willing to go back and start fresh. He pointed out that he tried anti-depressants and did not finish his first fill and was happy he could spend time with his sister he had not seen in ten years. I said that is where you start, what you like that you have done so far ...what is good in your life and expressed the importance of letting go of the past, what is done is done, and work with going forward now. I gave him a piece of smoked salmon I was bringing home and he lit up. He had one more beer, while we continued talking and he told me that after this one he just go lay down in the airport and sleep. When he finished he walked with me outside, and I said thanks first. He said, “No, I should say thanks for all the help, and if I have any trouble tomorrow I will call me you." I could tell he was somewhat more relaxed than when I first met him. Like I told him earlier, nobody is immune to suffering, and seeing him was my reminder, hence why I said Thanks.

Dreams of Letting Go

They say that some dreams for tell the future, but this one leads to believe that I have a good idea of where my progress in Dhamma will lead me. One night I dreamt that I sold my house and moved into a smaller apartment. So vivid and clear of the room and the place, and was not without some color, fun and views. And the best way to describe where I was in the dream it is location that seems like is a mish mash of Tibet style, Mexican, San Franciscan architecture. So in last night’s dream, me and several other sangha members(some with faces I recognize and some I do not) all came to a place to symbolically burn an item that represents our tie to the material world. Once burned we could move up to a higher level in an apartment building that was fashioned in my dream as kind of city like resting in terraces on hills, with spiritual seekers like Buddhists and others. A nice mix of colorful people old and young, working towards a common goal that was not too defined in my dream. It was a festive and light-hearted dream.

Tharlam Monastery, Boudha, Kathmandu, Nepal

I chose to burn a gold ring that is a “marriage band” that my partner and I have identical copies of. This was not to symbol any lessening of our bond, because deep down we know that nothing can symbolize what we carry in our hearts. It was more a concrete symbol of material wealth that we often think seems very permanent and unchanging. In the dream I was wondering how we can make the heat high enough in the fire to burn gold and platinum since this was happening within a building with others around. Others chose more flammable cloth, and papers, but you know me …I chose the most difficult kind of item to firmly make this transition stick in my mind. I know deep down that we really do not own anything, more like a life-time loan no matter how valuable it is to us.

During the dream there was no desires for it to be different, or feeling uncomfortable …it was I more of the curiosity and playfulness of those around me. The colors of my surroundings and the people in my dream were interesting and diverse. A few people were around me asking about how I will burn the ring? I said what you do is you imagine them casting the ring from the wax mold in beginning. Using my imagination while the ring is in the fire, it began to melt away like wax all the individual bands of gold and platinum to the surprise of those watching. Down to the main band, which shattered with the heat in two, then finally dissolved in ash.

All photos: Wonderlane

I rose from my knees from the fire, and was allowed up the elevator to the higher apartments. Arrived at a bigger one than in the previous nights dream. I saw another woman from my sangha smiling, leading me to a large window where she had taken the glass out, enabling us to comfortably lean out the window. We were kneeled down all along with several other people, laid cloth on the sill and peered below to view a whole choreographed number with Buddhist teachers and students that involved green cloths in both the robes and flags. It kind of was like spiritual procession full of lightness and was definitely not somber. This is the best overview I can pull out of it, and it just seems like the dreams were a symbol of some kind of spiritual progression for me. If not, at least it was fun.

On Dhamma

The best books ...
are those that tell you

what you know already.
— George Orwell

I see in the world

people with wealth

who, from delusion,

don't make a gift

of the treasure they've gained.

Greedy, the stash it away,

hoping for even more

sensual pleasures.

— Ven. Ratthapala

photo: http://kassapa.org/

Sam Harris: Science can answer moral questions

"So, for instance, if it's really wrong to lie, it must always be wrong to lie, and if you can find an exception, well then there is no such thing as moral truth."



"...one obvious fact, that you can love someone in the context of a truly delusional belief system. So, you can say like, "Because I knew my gay son was going to go to hell if he found a boyfriend, I chopped his head off. And that was the most compassionate thing I could do."
– Sam Harris